Disaster Pie

Since Wito has officially graced us with his presence for an entire year, I received the go-ahead from my pediatrician to feed him whatever we eat. (Except peanuts, I know. OHMYGAHDON’TLETHIMTOUCHAPEANUTI’MHYPERVENTILATING.)

This new piece of culinary information has literally thrown me into a tailspin. He’s supposed to eat what I eat? Like burritos? And Frankenberry cereal? Huh? This can’t be right- Wito eats Cheerios, cheese, fruit, English muffins and Earth’s Best baby food. End of story.

Well, I guess things must change. Except, we eat dinner after he’s asleep. How is that supposed to work? I’M LOOKING AT YOU FOR SOME ANSWERS, DR. HOT. Am I supposed to be this highly confused about the matter? You would think someone just requested me to explain why Danny didn’t win So You Think You Can Dance.

This is the part where you come in to save the day. What do/did you feed your 1-year olds? (Who go to bed at 6:30-7:00. Long before our dinner commences.)

Well, I’ll tell you what you SHOULD NOT feed toddlers or frankly, any adults on the planet Earth.

Olive Pie.

Darren and I really thought we were onto something with this whole Olive Pie idea. We had been emailing for weeks about our sinful love for green olives, and how our Olive Pie could possibly be the closest thing to God. Olive Pie Lovers Unite! I spent some time searching for recipes on various popular food websites, but couldn’t seem to find much more than a British recipe for an olive and anchovy pie.

(Note to self: If you can’t find a recipe online, it’s probably NOT because you’ve brilliantly come up with the next culinary delight to sweep the nation. Nope, it’s definitely because your idea SUCKS.)

Yet, Darren and I forged ahead, ignoring all of the naysayers and pie-hatas. We decided to use a variety of green olives, red onions, mushrooms, sun-dried tomatoes and feta cheese all mixed together in a flaky pie crust. (See? Sounds downright delish!)

Very special ingredients.

Very special pie crust.

How could this not be wonderful? I KNOW! Darren jumped right in…

I hope you don’t mind, I started chopping already.

Does it look like I mind? Could you hand me that bag of chips over there?

People don’t even know what’s about to hit them. We are the pie masters.

Now, you have to admit. This looks pretty good, right?

Here I am holding the pie and wondering why a faint putrid odor has invaded my nasal membrane. Actually, I’m wondering lots of things.

1. How is this pie going to stay together when we cut into it?
2. Why are the olives shriveled? And smelly?
3. Are sun-dried tomatoes supposed to look like that?
4. Do I really like olives as much as I previously thought?
5. OHMAHGAH, are some of these olives non-pitted?
6. What kind of an asshole would try to make an olive pie?

But wait! We were prepared for this! We saved half of the filling AND an extra pie crust, ready to improve our pie. We decided raw egg could be the glue for our misunderstood pie! YES! We mixed one raw egg with the remaining filling, took one whiff of the stinky cheese/olive/raw egg mixture and…

We all know where this is leading, yes?

Whoorl and Darren’s Olive Pie, Rest in Peace.

I can’t believe I’m related to this woman.

  • little miss mel

    August 20, 2007 at 2:35 pm

    My mom has a major peanut allergy and we waited till Rt was 2 yrs old to try peanut butter. He beat us to the punch and ate 2 peanuts at his 2nd birthday party without our knowledge. He was fine.

    He has flown over 20 times on Southwest, so I knew he wasn’t that allergic if he didn’t react to the peanut odor on the plane.


  • justJENN

    August 20, 2007 at 3:49 pm

    Pasta. One year olds dig pasta.

  • Emily

    August 20, 2007 at 5:02 pm

    Annie’s Organic Shells and Cheese. I’m not an organic kind of person, but I just can’t actually give Asher the Kraft powdery stuff knowing that it isn’t real cheese. I mean, its fine for ME, but it icks me out for him. At least right now it does. Check back with me in a year or so.

    Also on our menu regularly: hummus, blueberries, any kind of pasta, hamburgers, turkey burgers, guacamole, chicken/turkey deli meat, green beans, and CHEEEEEESE ALL KINDS OF CHEESE ALL THE TIME YUMMMMMMMY. Also yogurt.

    Here’s what I’m trying to do to give him some of the food we eat (we also eat after he goes to bed): I save a little of whatever we ate to feed to him the next day. So he can try what we eat, it’s just that he tries it as leftovers. Tomorrow Asher’s trying turkey burgers and parmesan steak fries. Because we just finished eating them tonight.

  • am'ti b

    August 20, 2007 at 5:42 pm

    side note to side bar, haven’t you already tried bangs? i think i remember you wishing you hadn’t. i thought they weren’t so bad!

  • nancypearlwannabe

    August 20, 2007 at 5:45 pm

    Umm yeah, so that pie looked delicious. I almost want to try making it for myself, just to see if I get the same results. Because, seriously, I love everything in it.

  • Heidi

    August 20, 2007 at 9:38 pm

    We had the same eating/bedtime dilemma at our house. We wanted expose our son to what we were eating though…since we didn’t want to get into the habit of making a special meal for the kid. To get around it, we would put aside a small portion of our evening dinner and serve it to him the next night at his dinner time. Much of what we exposed him to was pretty sophisticated for a toddler (like olives and feta), so we’d encourage him to taste it and give him something we knew he’d like too.

    Too bad the olive pie didn’t work…it seemed like such a yummy idea.

  • Allison

    August 21, 2007 at 6:32 am

    So, I’m not a mom, but I’m an AMAZING aunt and consider myself pretty in tune with the needs and likings of children, based on education and experience (I should use this sentence on my resume…) And thisis what I’m thinking… You people have incredibly cultured children! All toddlers I know eat things like mac and cheese, spaghetti, peanut butter and jelly, hot dogs, blah, blah, blah. And I’m all for giving your kid whatever you eat for dinner – I like the idea of saving a portion for leftovers if they go to sleep before you eat. But seriously – Hummus? Tofu? I can’t imagine eating that MYSELF – none the less feeding it to a small child! Maybe that’s because I live in Iowa and not LA…

  • Wacky Mommy

    August 21, 2007 at 2:04 pm

    I’m a Pacifico girl, myself. God, you guys are soooooooo cute.

  • Jora

    August 21, 2007 at 3:48 pm

    Wow — I can’t think of anything else I’d feed Charlie that isn’t already somewhere in your comments! My only 2 cents to add: I always give Charlie sandwiches made with almond butter (available at Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods) to avoid the whole peanut thing. Plus, I hear almonds are way healthier even if you don’t have an allergy. He doesn’t even know what he’s missing!

  • Mrs. Flinger

    August 21, 2007 at 6:53 pm

    I could so hang out with you people.

  • jennifer

    August 22, 2007 at 1:03 pm

    i never really did the baby food. i would just mush up what we ate for caleb. – minus all the butter, salt, hot sauce, and goodness that we add.

  • Jamie

    August 22, 2007 at 1:02 pm

    Every single ingredient in that pie is on my “never eat as it is heinous and disgusting to me” list.

    That being said, I think you should try chopping it all finely and combining it with bread dough of some sort. Like olive loaf, only with a higher dough-to-extras ratio.

    I bet it would look like hell, but taste like heaven.

    Or you could put JUST the tomatoes and olives into a bread dough of some sort, bake it, slice it, then toast it with a tiny slice of raw onion and melty crumbled feta on top. Like a grecian bruschetta.

  • Karen

    August 30, 2007 at 8:38 pm

    But did you see this recipe? It might not be so bad… it’s for cheese, onion and olive pie!


    Good luck! I say keep tryin’!

  • Kim Faust

    September 14, 2007 at 6:20 pm

    Our son is 20 months old, so we are well aware the Sesame Street ABCs book “Oscar’s Ode to O!” that includes the following line:

    “We couldn’t eat cold oatmeal, or yucchy olive pie.”

    I guess you don’t keep a copy of “Oscar’s Ode to O!” on hand.

    We found your excellent blog because we were wondering if there is such a thing as olive pie since it seems like something we would like.