Dear Target

I have a bone to pick with you, Target. First off, I would like you to know that I am a very nice person who enjoys giving the benefit of the doubt. You are a very popular store. I get it.

However, why must it be so difficult for you to keep my meager list of needed items in stock? Will the glorious day ever arrive when I can cross off 100% of the items on my shopping list before exiting your store? For instance, WHY OH GOD WHY is it so hard for you to keep Dove Sensitive Skin Face Cloths on your shelves? You have 3,000 Dove Moisturizing Face Cloths and 14,000 Dove Deep Clean Face Cloths sitting right there in front of my face, mocking me. All I need is ONE BOX of Sensitive Skin Cloths. WHHYYYYYYY?

Funny story, Target. Do you realize that the primary reason I started using Dove Sensitive Skin Face Cloths was because you couldn’t keep the Oil of Olay Sensitive Face Cloths on the shelves? So, after much trial and tribulation, I finally found a new brand that didn’t make my skin weep and always seemed to be in stock? But NOW, the Dove ones are always sold out? Do you know how this makes me feel, Target? It makes me feel very shaky. Isn’t that a funny story, Target? Not so much funny ha-ha, but funny stab stab STAB.

Same with deodorant. (Why is it so difficult for me to spell deodorant without spell check? Am I the only one?) I have long been a user of Secret Powder Fresh or “Protecting Powder” deodorant (p.s. – Secret, please stop changing the names. You are confusing me.), yet it has been virtually impossible to find on your shelves. I have spent many, many cumulative hours searching though the sea of Secret deodorants: Vanilla, Rockstar Rose, Tutti-Frutti, Wild Jasmine, Cherry Mischief (seriously, WHO wants their armpits to smell like fruit?), Truth or Pear, Sparkly Shit, WHATEVER. JUST GIVE ME MY OLD SCHOOL POWDER FRESH, PEEPS.

Yet, no dice. So, once again, I changed my personal preference to ensure an In Stock Status. Secret Unscented seemed to be the wise choice, considering there are usually 325 Unscented ones on your shelves at all times. Also, who knew that I would actually enjoy not making my armpits smell like a fabricated freshly-washed baby’s ass? It’s liberating, I tell you!

I bet you know where this is going, don’t you? Over the past couple of months, I can’t find a Secret Unscented to save my life.

Target, I’m beginning to think you are toying with me, knowing that I must visit you in order to buy all of my Method cleaning products. What’s a girl gotta do to get some health and beauty product love?



  1. spandrel studios

    April 7, 2009 at 5:18 am

    The three Targets within a 10-mile radius of my house are routinely picked-over and bedraggled, especially these days, with everyone hunting for a bargain. I stick with my grocery store for HABA items.

  2. Pam

    April 7, 2009 at 5:53 am

    OMG, I switched to the Dove senstive cloths because I could never find the Olay sensitive ones! My face will die a thousand deaths if the Dove ones go away too.

    I think I remember you suffer from rosacea – me too. Those sensitive face cloths are the only thing that don’t tear my face up. WAH!

  3. ali

    April 7, 2009 at 6:36 am

    lalala. no target in canada…so i don’t have these problems.

    what i DO have a problem with is the deodorant that smells like fruit. SERIOUSLY. WHAT? who thought this was a good idea?

  4. Laura in LA

    April 7, 2009 at 6:53 am

    My local Target isn’t even a Super Target….so good luck on ever finding the same thing twice in there.

  5. Michelle

    April 7, 2009 at 10:54 am

    Whoorl – What are Method products? “Terget” (ever seen the SNL skit with Kristen Wiig?), is routinely striving to offer mediocre service at ours also…they answer their phones and say, “Target, can I help you find something?” and I always want to say, “NO PROBABLY NOT b/c you more than likely don’t have it to find in the first place!”

    Glad you’re posting again…funny as always :o)


  6. Bonnie

    April 7, 2009 at 12:57 pm

    I would love to have a Target! I’m in Canada, and if you think Target has problems, try shopping at Zellers. Yikes. I would happily take the most poorly stocked Target in the States over one Zellers. The Orla Kiely for Target collection almost made me head for the border. Although, we do get lots of Method products, and I’m happy for that!

  7. Darcey

    April 7, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    I now have four Targets within 10 minutes of my apartment, plus one on my way home from work, and I don’t live in suburbia. Not that I have a problem with Target. But, like everyone else here, I have a problem that I can’t depend on a single one of them to allow me to complete a single grocery list in one trip. And really? I don’t want to have to visit all four Targets in one afternoon – the mathematics of figuring out the likelihood of a certain item and the efficiency of the order I need to visit them would make my brain hurt.

  8. pseudostoops

    April 7, 2009 at 3:05 pm

    Yeah, my bigger bone to pick is with Secret, which cannot make up its ever-loving mind about scents. Vanilla? Glittery packaging? Taking away all the normal scents from the “secret platinum protection” line, leaving me with only prickly pear or some such nonsense? WHY?

  9. am'ti b

    April 7, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    if you lived in brooklyn you would have used even more colorful wording. if i have a list of 10 items i come home w/maybe one from target and the rest from duane reade.

  10. nic

    April 7, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    good grief it was like you were speaking from my mind!

  11. Krista

    April 7, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    I’m so with you on this! I have a deep love for Target– after all I’m a born and bred Minnesota girl– but I’m starting to get a little irritated. Why, oh why can they not keep Luvs size 4 in stock??? And I’m not talking about a the little packs– I’m talking about the jumbo box. I just don’t get it.

  12. Theresa Christensen

    April 7, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    I’ve been having the same problem lately. It never fails . . . no matter how big or small my list, there is always one item I can’t find. Frustrating. I’m a new fan of your site, btw! I’ll be launching my own site soon, and yours serves as a model for me to emulate.

  13. Suniverse

    April 8, 2009 at 8:21 am

    I thought it was just me! I loved the Secret Unscented and cannot find it anywhere. I’m using Tom’s of Maine. I’m using NATURAL DEODERANT. I’m not a hippie, Target. See what you made me do?

    Do not get me started on the missing Dove Sensitive Skin products. Grrr.

  14. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com

    April 8, 2009 at 9:30 am

    I’ve had the same deodorant problem at Target lately.

    That and our local Target has apparently discontinued selling maternity jeans. WHAT THE FUCK?! Do pregnant women not wear jeans around here?!

  15. Sarah

    April 8, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    and then suddenly, without warning, they stopped carrying ANY L’oreal products…and I had to choose a new shampoo. Not an easy thing to do!