“Talk about your blessings more than your talk about your burdens.”
This is a mantra I have aspired to my entire life, and dare say have been fairly successful. Complaining has never been my thing…I usually keep those thoughts to myself, and I definitely don’t gravitate towards those who make it a way of life.
It’s just that…well, to be completely honest with you, counting your blessings while depressed can seem almost impossible. And for 38 years on this planet, I just didn’t GET that. I didn’t understand how a person couldn’t just see past the gray clouds and celebrate the blue skies. Honestly, it seemed incredulous to me. “Why can’t they just choose to be happy?” is something I’ve said to myself 1,000 times. But then it happened to me. I sunk into an insidious and dank mental space that didn’t allow me to see past the gray clouds. The worst thing I could possibly hear from friends and loved ones was, “But you have so much to be thankful for, Sarah.”
And they were right. I have a bounty of blessings. But how could I count my blessings when I couldn’t even get out of bed? Or take my kids to school? Or do anything but fear the future?
These past few months have been scary and uncertain. But, you all, I’m working to better myself every day because I know this is an awakening. I’m morphing into someone who is more empathic, more open to change, less controlling and perfectionistic, and more at peace with who I am at the core.
One of the things I’m working on is practicing gratitude. I’ve made a pact with myself that upon opening my eyes in the morning, I will count my blessings instead of fearing the day or lamenting the previous. Because I do have so much to be thankful for…we all do, really.
Practicing gratitude. It’s harder than you think.
So when the universe sent me a huge “YOOHOOOO” yesterday, I just had to sit down and tell you all about it.
It started with a morning restorative yoga class. My very favorite teacher always ends the class with a little gem, and she spoke of starting the day from a place of gratitude. About opening your eyes in the morning and being thankful for all the wonderful things in your life.
I thought about it all morning, came home, wrote a short post here, and after publishing it, my father commented on the post with a link to this song.
When I’m worried and I can’t sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
I fall asleep counting my blessings
I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them
As they slumber in their beds
If you’re worried and you can’t sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you’ll fall asleep counting your blessings
I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them
As they slumber in their beds
If you’re worried and you can’t sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you’ll fall asleep counting your blessings
I had never heard this song written by Cole Porter before, and the lyrics socked me in the gut. It’s like I had a moment of absolute clarity that everything would work out and that celebrating my blessings would be an integral part of my healing. I ruminated on the lyrics for a bit and then sat down with the kids to have dinner.
While discussing the high and low points of Wito’s day, he mentioned learning a song in music class that he really liked. One thing I haven’t mentioned about Wito is that he has the most lovely singing voice. I know I’m a bit biased, but it truly is a pleasure to listen to him sing. When I asked him to sing the song, he looked me in the eye and with the most innocent and beautiful tone, he sang:
When I’m worried and I can’t sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
I fall asleep counting my blessings
My chin hit the floor. I couldn’t believe it. What are the odds? Within the span of a couple of hours, two of the most important men in my life had gifted me with these words. It’s a gift I’m not taking for granted.
I’m challenging you to do the same. Every morning when your eyes first open, before going over to-do lists or the 100 other things on your mind, try counting your blessings. Maybe just a few. Maybe more. One of the blessings I thought about this morning is the encouragement you’ve provided to me over the years in this space. I am so thankful to have such kind, smart, and thoughtful people to rally with me. I am so appreciative.
Sarah
October 9, 2013 at 3:06 pmWow! Tears are streaming down my face. I love how the universe works. Hugs and gratitude to you!
Kristin
October 9, 2013 at 3:14 pmThat is amazing! What a great story! I’m so happy that you got to experience that!
Jackie
October 9, 2013 at 3:17 pmThat’s the sweetest thing, it brought happy tears to my eyes. Sometimes the universe just knows. Thanks for the reminder.
lisa
October 9, 2013 at 3:51 pmBeautiful and amazing story :) love it!!! Thank you for sharing.
EmilysHollow
October 9, 2013 at 4:45 pmIt’s funny, in a way, because I’m much in the same boat. The difference being, I’ve been depressed/unstable/whatever you want to call it – before. And somehow I still managed to convince myself that I willed my way out, and that it was all my choice, and I had even LESS empathy (at times, in a way) than before. But now that I’m….struggling….again, I’m reminded that it’s not that simple, that clean cut, and that everyone everyone everyone deserves compassion, even myself.
Thank you for sharing; it’s hard and scary but it’s also so helpful to so many people.
Claire H.
October 9, 2013 at 4:50 pmWow, absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
jenny
October 9, 2013 at 5:12 pmI love that song, if you haven’t ever seen White Christmas you should definitely watch it as it’s also a feel good movie. Wito would probably enjoy too! I have anxiety and while it’s under control for the most part (a year in the making) and I use feel good songs, movies, and books to help me in harder times. I’ve read the book Cheaper By The Dozen hundreds of times because that book always helps. Sounds like this song can be one of your things especially with wito singing! Crazy that he had learned that song, fate! You’re not alone, and we’re all thinking of you.
Karen
October 9, 2013 at 6:17 pmThis made me burst into tears… What a sweet experience to look back on and savor, and count among your blessings every night!
Amber S.
October 9, 2013 at 7:03 pm:*( So beautiful
Amti'b
October 9, 2013 at 8:26 pmso something i have done here and there and also have e join me in doing so is to write down things we are thankful for at night, i found one of our journals yesterday and there are days when we have just a few things and others are a filled page. as someone who has had moments of anxiety & depression i feel for you and all of this side is hoping for the best and sending well wishes. i read some where that reinforcing those thoughts changes your hormonal signals for the better. i also pinned the burden quote!! xo
Angella
October 9, 2013 at 9:21 pmGut punch of love. God is good, and speaking to you through those two men in your life.
I needed this. xo
Amanda
October 9, 2013 at 10:13 pmI teared up when I read this post, Sarah. How amazing!
Christy
October 10, 2013 at 1:35 amThis is from the movie “White Christmas”. It is a truly lovely movie. Please watch it during the holidays this year!
This post really resonated with me. I needed this reminder!
Ninotchka
October 10, 2013 at 4:34 amAmazing and lovely. Thank you for sharing this part of your journey with us, Sarah. Means a lot.
Jill Parrella Vaughn
October 10, 2013 at 5:32 amMy chin hit the floor while reading that!
We have these supports in our lives to help hold us up when we can’t stand. I still have a hard time allowing them to help – but I am learning and I’m glad to see you are too. It’s tough for those, like me, who never think they need help.
xo