Christmas Is a Time for Drinking


Ooooh, check out my shiny new kitchen. It was my very favorite toy/monstrosity during my third and fourth year. I would spend hours making culinary delights for my “dinner parties”, where the invisible elite would dine and discuss topics such as The Genius That Is Sesame Street.

My mom recently reminded me of a story regarding my shiny kitchen and a lovely exchange with one of my grandmothers at the ripe old age of three. First of all, let me give you a completely succinct background and in NO way an embodiment of my grandmothers’ complete essence*. Both are exceptional women- I couldn’t ask for a more loving, fabulous set.

Yet, they are very different. Mimi is a devout Southern Baptist, hasn’t had a sip of alcohol in her life, lives on acres of farmland, etc. She is hands-down the sweetest woman around. Shan is just as sweet, funny as hell, and most importantly introduced me to the majestic 5:00pm cocktail hour (which, according to my rules, can be adjusted to 4:00pm in winter due to daylight savings time).

One day, when Mimi was visiting our home, I asked her if she would like me to cook something for her. She agreed and thus began my imaginary dinner party. As I was searching through the refrigerator, she noticed how the inside was painted with pretend jars and food. Being the the wonderful grandmother she is, she decided to continue developing my little, innocent three-year-old brain. She started to point to different pictures and ask me what they were.

Mimi: What’s that? (pointing to a tomato)

Whoorl: That’s a tomato!

Mimi: Very good! You are such a smart little girl! Now, what’s this?

Whoorl: Those are eggs!

Mimi: Why, you are such a little chef! Can you tell me what those are? (pointing to green olives)

Whoorl: Yes, those are for Shan’s martinis!

Mimi: Ahem.

Well, that was the end of that fun game.

*this disclaimer is to cover my ass when my mom calls wondering how I could reduce the extraordinary lives of my grandmothers to three sentences.

  1. lini

    December 2, 2005 at 12:54 pm

    Made me laugh out loud! Aren’t we lucky to have these wonderful women in our lives.

  2. bishOp stu tu

    December 2, 2005 at 1:25 pm

    whOOrl gOOrl,

    You probably didn’t know that Mimi went through Vanilla Extract (15% Grain Alcohol) like grain through a gOOse.

    She used more Vanilla that Sarah Lee Bakeries. The Watkins door-to-door salesman, who was her pusher, drove a new Coupe DeVille.

    I never noticed much of a Vanilla taste in her cakes, but Wafts Vanilla was always in the aire.

    tankee and siP…

    da bishOp

  3. undercover celebrity

    December 3, 2005 at 11:25 am

    I am having serious flashbacks to Christmas when I was four. For Christmas I got a kitchen set that is EXACTLY like the one in your picture. I had forgotten all about that until just now. I would spend hours and hours and hours playing with that thing.

    Ah, thanks for the memories.

    …and for making me laugh — I wish I had a martini-guzzing grandma, would have made get-togethers so much more interesting.

  4. wordgirl

    December 4, 2005 at 8:40 am

    My mother’s side of the family is Texas Southern Baptist. My father’s side is Catholic…my grandparents were European. The elders on my Dad’s side have no problem with alcohol. The old folks on my Mother’s think. it’s “sin juice”. Ironically, there are just as many alcoholics on one side of the family as there are on the other.

    My mother will engage in a glass of wine, but her elderly sister and sister-in-law don’t know this. When certain members of the family come to my parents’ house, Mom takes the wine out of the refrigerator and put it in the garage.

  5. Boogie's Mom

    December 4, 2005 at 5:48 pm

    Poor, Mimi. She was probably flash-forwarding to the day when you learned about the 5 o’clock happy hour! :)

  6. kris

    December 6, 2005 at 4:51 pm

    I loved you when you were skating, Ms. Hamill! :)

    We all had the same haircut, too!

  7. whoorl

    December 7, 2005 at 9:01 am

    true, i did bust out the hamill for a couple of years. :)

    what in the hell were our parents thinking?