The time has come. Time to bust out my A-game. No more excuses, no more whining. No more leisurely walks to the beach while chatting up SAJ or my mom via cell phone. Time to take on Cardiac Hill.
Cardiac Hill is a stretch of gradual incline behind my neighborhood leading from the beach to the houses up in the hills. Cardiac Hill is not for sissies, yo. Especially if you are pushing a 23-pounder in a stroller, which at mile marker .435 begins to feel like pushing a mahogany credenza up Mount Kilimanjaro.
But it’s time, peeps. And how do I know? Well, just ask these bermuda shorts. They relayed the message loud and clear yesterday while getting my Fash-On at Old Navy.
**side note** – Old Navy. Um, not a place I usually frequent for attire, but BY GOD PEOPLE, the new “longer” cotton tanks?! GENIUS, I say. GENIUS! And of course, these and these for Wito. Oh, who am I kidding? I LOVE Old Navy! I’m a mother! Coming soon – holiday sweatshirts and a FUPA!
My sister called a couple of days ago telling me I must purchase their new Bermuda shorts. So cute with wedges, so cute with flats, etc. And unlike most of you, I am a huge fan of Bermuda shorts. I think they can be very chic with the right accessories and of course, the right body type (i.e. – mine, PRE-pregnancy). I tossed Wito in the car and made my way. When I arrived, the shorts were directly in my line of sight, all colorful and just begging to be tried on. I grabbed a couple of pairs in several sizes and made my way to the dressing room.
I enjoy employing the try-one-size-larger-to-help-build-the-ego method when trying on clothes. Then, I can pat myself on the back when they are hanging off my hips. I chose the TOSLTHBTE pair of shorts and pulled them up my calves, knees, thighs, hmph. Hmph. They just were not wanting to button. Or zip. That’s funny…they must have been improperly labeled. After all, these shorts were the size I wore in college when a typical dinner consisted of a large pizza and 6 pints of Killian’s Red. So, I called to the headset person and had them bring me another pair. Same thing. What the fuck, Old Navy? I know you’re el cheapo, but let’s try to get some size uniformity here! So I left sans Bermuda shorts, but with thoughts of sending Old Navy Corporate Headquarters a letter addressing their sizing issues. “Like, get on the same page with the American size chart. DUH. Love, Whoorl.”
And then my sister called. And informed me that her normal size fit just fine. Just fine! And then I swallowed the extremely bitter pill. I have 5 (maybe 6. Fine, 7.) pregnancy pounds still lurking on my body and by GOD, they have to come off. Right away. I have upwards of 10 pairs of fabulous jeans and none of them fit. NONE. What’s a girl to do?
I’ll tell you. For starters, I drove back to Old Navy and bought two pairs of the too-small shorts. They WILL fit in the near future thanks to my new friend and nemesis, Cardiac Hill.
Oh yes, that’s right. Cardiac Hill.
If you happen to be in my neighborhood and see a green Bugaboo careening down the sidewalk, Holla! I’ll be the comatose lady a quarter-mile up the hill.
SAJ
March 9, 2007 at 9:15 amOld Navy sizes are definitely whacky. It’s not just you. I found a pair of pants I loved once… so I bought one in every color in the same size. When I got home, none of them fit. None of them!!! Only the original. You know how much I HATE taking stuff back. Hate it.
lei
March 9, 2007 at 9:40 ami find that steep incline/road down to the beach where you guys live a big enough pain in the ass; good luck with cardiac hill!
it’ll be too hot for me this weekend, too. my comfort threshold is about 75.
Jenifer
March 9, 2007 at 10:24 amGood for you to take on Cardiac Hill! I am on Weight Watchers after putting on 20lbs of “I’m in love” weight. Now, I have to fight off tempting cookies and cupcakes that are easily accessible and get over my fear of Bally Fitness trainers. The ones that are oh so perky at 5 am in the morning and KNOW that you can do it! (When will it be legal to commit criminal acts against this type of person?)
am'ti b
March 9, 2007 at 10:25 ami have done the same thing as saj, it sucks. one would think all gap inc stores would have the same size measurements. also, have you tried jcrew’s bermudas, i prefer them, they fit just like their trusty ole khakis. good luck with your new workout schedule.
brie, do you have the j crew bermudas in almond or hickory? i am trying to decide which color would look better against my skin and god forbid I go to the actual store to look at them…
nabbalicious
March 9, 2007 at 11:18 amThat was my dinner in college, too, but throw in a couple breadsticks, a six-pack of Bartles and Jaymes and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Fuck, I want to be in my early 20s again.
I do the opposite when trying on clothes: I try on the size I “think” I am, and if it doesn’t fit, I won’t buy it. I can’t stand the shame of going up a size!
nabbalicious
March 9, 2007 at 11:19 amP.S. I mean, I’d like to be in my early 20s, but I think my choice of drink would be a little classier these days.
Kiki
March 9, 2007 at 12:42 pmHells yeah! Bermuda Shorts are a little slice of khaki heaven! I have the black pin-stripe pair and the green! Love them!
Amanda
March 9, 2007 at 1:06 pmI’ve still got 7 to lose too. The same 7 I’ve been trying to lose for the past 5 months. AUGH. My problem is that when I start exercising I use it as my rationalization to eat extra chocolate and cookies. “I walked for a half hour so I can totally eat this ENTIRE CAKE.” One step forward, twelve steps back.
am'ti b
March 9, 2007 at 1:20 pmi have them in hickory, parsley sprig and navy,mine are from last year almond was to pale for my big trunk, they are light weight so darker worked better for me.
Tere
March 9, 2007 at 1:39 pmIs it just my cheap ass, or has Old Navy gotten a tad pricey lately? $30 for a top? $37 for pants? Meh.
I don’t know if this’ll make you feel better, but I find that Old Navy bottoms almost always fit kinda weird, kinda off. It’s always hit or miss with them…
Then again, I have a big, Cuban ass, so I may not be the best source here…
am'ti b
March 9, 2007 at 1:40 pmp.s. i am sure you have measured, but they are 13″ and hang just below my knee cap. good length for those of us inclined to hide our thighs.
don't call me ma'am
March 9, 2007 at 1:56 pmShorts. Those things I wear when I don’t mind blinding the population of the United States with my ghastly pale legs.
I’m having a panic attack at my desk, just thinking about wearing shorts. Thanks a lot!
But… perhaps, if the bermudas are cute, I might buy a pair. I’m sure there’s some sunless tanner somewhere that won’t rub off/stink/turn me orange.
HEY! That reminds me… you need a sunless tanner/bronzer list to go with your lip gloss list. It’s about that time of year, yes?
whoorl
March 9, 2007 at 2:07 pmI just returned from J. Crew to all of these good comments and I’d like to say that if you’re in the market for Bermudas, J. Crew has the best (you were soooo right, am’ti b).
They are 13 inches opposed to Old Navy’s 11 inches, which hides that little nasty inner knee flab. Plus, they are much better quality material, fit better, etc. Of course, they are twice the price….
I got Almond, Cool Meadow and Navy. Not that you all care, but hey. I also threw some headbands in for good measure. Woot! I love me some shopping.
lini
March 9, 2007 at 2:24 pmOMG, the vision of my precious boy careening down cardiac hill! Cardiac hill-sounds like something you should do when D is home and can watch the baby. Just some motherly advice.
cj4
March 9, 2007 at 3:45 pmAh, the slow slide from J.Crew to Old Navy to ….. I sit here at work with a devilish grin on my face dreaming of that day not to long from now when we stop by and find Wito running around in a diaper and you and D slumped on the couch in matching sweatsuits (you know, the kind that make that swishy noise when you walk), sipping ice tea out of 60 oz. Texaco coffee travel mugs. Who am I kidding – ice tea? Maybe V and T. Popov, of course, but still.
[Full Disclosure: K is an Old Navy buying fool and I don’t think M has more than 3 articles of clothing that aren’t from there. Great baby/toddler stuff. Even I, clothes snob supreme, sport some of the Navy’s finest, most notably my beloved corduroy sport coat. On sale for $9.99. And best of all: a size small. It had me at hello.]
This comment (including the full disclosure) disturbs me on so many different levels.