Cardiac Hill

The time has come. Time to bust out my A-game. No more excuses, no more whining. No more leisurely walks to the beach while chatting up SAJ or my mom via cell phone. Time to take on Cardiac Hill.

Cardiac Hill is a stretch of gradual incline behind my neighborhood leading from the beach to the houses up in the hills. Cardiac Hill is not for sissies, yo. Especially if you are pushing a 23-pounder in a stroller, which at mile marker .435 begins to feel like pushing a mahogany credenza up Mount Kilimanjaro.

But it’s time, peeps. And how do I know? Well, just ask these bermuda shorts. They relayed the message loud and clear yesterday while getting my Fash-On at Old Navy.

**side note** – Old Navy. Um, not a place I usually frequent for attire, but BY GOD PEOPLE, the new “longer” cotton tanks?! GENIUS, I say. GENIUS! And of course, these and these for Wito. Oh, who am I kidding? I LOVE Old Navy! I’m a mother! Coming soon – holiday sweatshirts and a FUPA!

My sister called a couple of days ago telling me I must purchase their new Bermuda shorts. So cute with wedges, so cute with flats, etc. And unlike most of you, I am a huge fan of Bermuda shorts. I think they can be very chic with the right accessories and of course, the right body type (i.e. – mine, PRE-pregnancy). I tossed Wito in the car and made my way. When I arrived, the shorts were directly in my line of sight, all colorful and just begging to be tried on. I grabbed a couple of pairs in several sizes and made my way to the dressing room.

I enjoy employing the try-one-size-larger-to-help-build-the-ego method when trying on clothes. Then, I can pat myself on the back when they are hanging off my hips. I chose the TOSLTHBTE pair of shorts and pulled them up my calves, knees, thighs, hmph. Hmph. They just were not wanting to button. Or zip. That’s funny…they must have been improperly labeled. After all, these shorts were the size I wore in college when a typical dinner consisted of a large pizza and 6 pints of Killian’s Red. So, I called to the headset person and had them bring me another pair. Same thing. What the fuck, Old Navy? I know you’re el cheapo, but let’s try to get some size uniformity here! So I left sans Bermuda shorts, but with thoughts of sending Old Navy Corporate Headquarters a letter addressing their sizing issues. “Like, get on the same page with the American size chart. DUH. Love, Whoorl.”

And then my sister called. And informed me that her normal size fit just fine. Just fine! And then I swallowed the extremely bitter pill. I have 5 (maybe 6. Fine, 7.) pregnancy pounds still lurking on my body and by GOD, they have to come off. Right away. I have upwards of 10 pairs of fabulous jeans and none of them fit. NONE. What’s a girl to do?

I’ll tell you. For starters, I drove back to Old Navy and bought two pairs of the too-small shorts. They WILL fit in the near future thanks to my new friend and nemesis, Cardiac Hill.

Oh yes, that’s right. Cardiac Hill.

If you happen to be in my neighborhood and see a green Bugaboo careening down the sidewalk, Holla! I’ll be the comatose lady a quarter-mile up the hill.

  1. BeachMama

    March 9, 2007 at 5:18 am

    Good luck with Cardiac Hill! I wish we had one around here, but most of my outdoor walks are pretty flat, thus I have to walk longer. I just started working out again with my trainer in hopes that when this bug is born I won’t have too much trouble getting back to where I was pre-first pregnancy! I do love Old Navy though because I can usually wear my old size or one up and feel good, on the cheap too!

  2. bitetherabbit

    March 9, 2007 at 6:27 am

    Oh my gosh! I’m glad I’m not the only one who has a thing for bermuda shorts! Sounds like Cardiac Hill is like running stairs…but without the stairs. Good luck!

  3. Becky

    March 9, 2007 at 5:34 am

    Good luck with Cardiac Hill!

    You’ve covered the shoes, but what kind of top would you wear with the burmudas? I need fashion help!

    The long tanks look great, tees, and if there is a chill in the air, J. Crew makes great super-thin merino wool crewneck sweaters that would be perfect.

  4. Darren McLikeshimself

    March 9, 2007 at 7:11 am

    I think you and I ate the same dinner in college.

  5. Kimmer

    March 9, 2007 at 6:28 am

    Use the leash on your stroller – helpful hint from someone who has been walking up the 11th St hill for kicks.

    Kimmer- Unfortunately, I cut the leash off. Where else was I supposed to put a drink holder?! Let’s see…drink holder, baby safety, drink holder, baby safety…drink holder wins every time.

  6. Suzanne

    March 9, 2007 at 7:01 am

    Hello! I live in Oklahoma and got your Blog via Gorillabuns. Anders is adorable! I think it is so cute that he is such a big boy. I have twins (Boy and Girl) who are now 6 and in the first Grade. They were born at 8.9 and 8.10 pounds. I gained 70 pounds which is more than double what I was pre-pregancy.My son weighed 20 pounds at 4 months! My daughter has always been around 8 pounds less than him. Now he is a thin little guy, but very tall..


    March 9, 2007 at 7:05 am

    What are these tanks and shorts you speak of?

    It is 8 degrees outside. I’m moving to LA.

    It’s Cali, baby! It’s always in the 70’s around here…going to be in the high 80’s this weekend (too hot for me).

  8. sizzle

    March 9, 2007 at 7:21 am

    old navy is hit or miss with the sizing. i feel ya on that- and i don’t even have post-pregnancy weight (just run of the mill chub). your theory about the larger size first to boost the ego? totally gonna try that one.

  9. natalie

    March 9, 2007 at 7:50 am

    I have issues with old Navy sizing. I have to try on like 4 random sizes to find what works. I wear a different size for pants, skirts AND shorts there. And actually, even from pant to pant it’s sometimes a different size. So wonky, wtf?…

    Good luck with that whole walking up hill thing! I’ll just jog on a flat surface, thats hard enough for me…I’m a pansy-ass.

  10. metalia

    March 9, 2007 at 8:00 am

    I *adore* Old Navy; I fell in love with their maternity tank tops, and I haven’t looked back. Their baby stuff is super cute too. I mean, really. They’re wearing it for 3 months, tops, so who cares if it gets crappy quickly? Such is my philosophy.

    Also–Did you replace your lost “Brown Bear” book? I have THREE. I have no idea where people got them for me, so here they sit, just taking up space. I’d be more than willing to send you one. And no, it’s not a ploy to find out where you live and beg you to make me margaritas.


    I think I’ve said too much.

    Metalia- Thanks for the offer! I actually bought another one a couple of days ago, but you are always welcome for margs!

  11. Angella

    March 9, 2007 at 8:33 am

    Bermuda shorts make me LOOK like I’m packing an extra 10 pounds. Happy for you that you like them, though! Good for you on cardiac hill – I finally got off of MY butt yesterday and worked up a sweat. Without kids though – good on you for the added resistance ala Anders :)

  12. rebecca

    March 9, 2007 at 8:35 am

    Oh Whoorl. I feel your pain. My son will be TWO (2) next month and I am still lamenting the fact that I can’t fit into my favorite pre-preg jeans. There is no excuse for my laziness, as I sit here typing this while ensconced in my comfortable chair, sipping my grande latte full of sugar.

    Can you say shame spiral?!?

    But anyway. What I meant to say is GOOD FOR YOU. Perhaps I will be inspired to get my ass off the couch this weekend.

    p.s. I too went to Old Navy this week and loaded up on the long tanks! Love them.

    p.p.s. I also bought the Physicians Formula mineral powder and really like it! Works good for a cheapie.

  13. Glamgranola

    March 9, 2007 at 8:51 am

    Now with more FUPA! Classic. Old Navy sizes are a little wonky, but, hey, so are my hips after to babies!

  14. little miss mel

    March 9, 2007 at 8:54 am

    Way to go on tackling that bigass hill. Reminds me of SF. Huff and puff for sure!

    Rt has some bermuda shorts from the Gap. It’s part of his “big events” attire. I am def. a fan!

    Old Navy has perfect tread socks for crawler/walkers. We still use ours and have found nothing better.

  15. Glamgranola

    March 9, 2007 at 8:54 am

    Oh God! TWO, is what I meant. Note to self: must start proofreading!