BULLDOZER!

Are you ready to read about some fun times? For beginners, I just spent my 17th consecutive night NOT sleeping in my bed. Besides a quick jaunt to Palm Springs last weekend, I’ve been residing in the guest room of my cousin’s home* with my husband and son. Coincidentally, my son recently adopted the habit of sleep-yelling and snoring like a 400 lb. hog with a raging case of sleep apnea…let’s see here…17 nights ago! How hilarious is that? HAAHAAAAAAAAA.

Let me tell you, being jolted awake from a fitful slumber by a three-year-old screaming “BULLDOZER!” at 3am is HILARIOUS.

(Last night it was “bulldozer.” The night before was “MONSTER TRUUUUUUUCK!” At least we are consistent with the vehicular theme.)

Although, I shouldn’t really call it a “fitful” slumber, given my ridiculous stress level has shot me into teeth-grinding stardom, sometimes actually waking myself up from biting a fleshy hunk out of my inner cheek.

So! We are trying our hardest to find a new home in the shortest amount of time possible, which means an abundance of MLS searches and an abundance of realtors showing me rentals that make me want to puke. I don’t understand…I told you that carpet was a deal-breaker, yet here we are, standing in a fully carpeted home that looks like it was last replaced during the Nixon era AND you’re telling me it’s $3200 a month.

Once again, HILARITY ENSUES!

Oh! Also! My late-blooming belly has finally decided to make an appearance at 25 weeks, thus stretching my stomach skin to the point of resembling a pomegranate-colored soccer ball. It’s a tad itchy, folks.

I was pondering all of these lovely tidbits this morning while making my new 30-minute commute to Wito’s preschool, when I remembered that I needed to return a Lands’ End shirt to my local Sears. (Did you know that you could return Lands’ End merchandise bought online to your local Sears? More importantly, did you know that regular-sized Lands’ End shirts make for great maternity wear for those on the petite-bellied side? The things you learn over here at whoorl.com, I tell ya.)

For instance:

Women’s Short Sleeve Shirred Scoopneck Top, $19.50

See! Blousy! Perfect for little baby bellies! Pair this cutie with distressed boyfriend jeans and flats and you’re set for a day of errands! This top was previously available in many colors, one of which I didn’t prefer, hence the return to my local Sears store. DISCLAIMER: I’m not usually a Sears shopper and I don’t want to make assumptions about any other Sears store around the country, but you guys.

This particular store is a Haus o’ Depression. Upon crossing the street to enter the store, the inner lights were so dim, I thought it had gone out of business completely. However, I pulled on the door and LO, it was open. Sad sad sadness. Sad lighting, sad merchandise, sad employees, sad shoppers. Really sad. Why so melancholy, people? Have you been displaced due to excessive levels of mold too? Does your belly really really itch? Let’s hug it out.

I walked out of that store in one of the best moods I’ve experienced in several weeks because you all, things could be worse. I could be itchy-skinned, sleep-deprived, cheek-chewed, homeless AND working at that Sears. Things are looking up already.

*Can you imagine how my cousin feels? I’m sure he’s beyond THRILLED to have the Whoorl family around every evening when he returns from work. Jenga, anyone?