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A Truly Momentous Occasion

in Life, Style

You might want to sit down and grab a beverage. This might take a little bit.

This is my closet.

closet_right

First things first – the fact that I didn’t re-fold every damn sweater in my closet before posting this photo is huge for me. HUGE. I mean, you are reading the blog of a girl who recently downloaded a friend’s Twitter profile photo, photoshopped a bothersome corner and emailed it to her. SHE DID NOT REQUEST THIS.

rc

But really, folks. The corner was bothersome! One-eyed (precious) baby head staring at me!

These are the types of inconsequential things that plague me. (Believe it or not, my husband is 100 times worse than me. In fact, it’s his detailed aesthetic that has completely transformed me into a person who does things like the above. I BLAME YOU, D.)

So, yeah! OCD. Back to the sweaters. Look at the droopiness! The crookedness! The non-color coordination! Good God, this is hurting me deeply. Do you know that my first job out of college was the Assistant Manager at Ann Taylor? It goes without saying that this bitch can FOLD.

Back to my momentous occasion biznass. I am officially not shopping until April 10th. (cue fanfare) This is most likely NOT going to last, as I am afflicted with Retail Power Consumerism.

Most notable characteristics of RPC:

1) Knowing more about your UPS driver than your extended family.

2) Possessing a vast knowledge of a retail store’s inventory – more than the actual sales associates themselves. (Dear associates at J. Crew, when I ask you to grab the Dream Silvie Dress in Charcoal, I expect you to know what in the hell that means. The catalog should be your bible. GAH. Your Bright Papaya Jane flats look great on you, though!)

3) Refreshing your internet browser 156 times at 8:59pmPST before the day of a big online sale.

4) Purging your closet at least 2-3 times per year and still not wearing 65% off your belongings.

5) Constantly emailing with a group of fashion enablers. I happen to have four. (Just last night, we exchanged 17 emails between 6:39 and 6:55pm. It’s shameful, really.)

I know what some of you are thinking, though. That closet isn’t half bad! It’s not large, it looks totally manageable and is not over-flowing with random crap. Right?

Well, let me show you the other side of the closet. You know, the one that SHOULD be my husband’s side. (Riiiiight. His stuff is totally in Wito’s room.)

closet_left

Okay, this is ridiculous. Starting at the left side of the photo and continuing until you see the clear, plastic hanging bag is my collection of jackets. OH MY GOD WHO NEEDS THAT MANY JACKETS? Must I remind you of where I live? Let me give you a hint – it was 83 DEGREES YESTERDAY. Look at all of those plastic boxes filled with shoes. I never wear those shoes.

However, that’s not all! See the following cabinets above my closet?

closet_top

Those are filled with plastic bins of more clothes. Shocking, I know!

closet_close

What are all of those clothes doing up there? Seriously. This photo also demonstrates my practice of buying certain styles in multiples. The stack of clothes above the bin is made up entirely of J. Crew Bermuda shorts. I’m pretty sure I own every color. (NOT NECESSARY!)

I also become a tad bit obsessed with certain brands. It seems after finding my perfect grey bag last year, I couldn’t STOP buying Hayden Harnett bags.

closet_hh

Again, NOT NECESSARY. And maybe a little weird.

Have I proven my point? The shopping needs to stop. I don’t think Wito’s college fund can be fueled by the resale of Hayden Harnett bags.

I’m not going to lie – for me, this is going to quite a challenge. Between my time spent online and this writing job, I am pretty much surrounded by purchasing opportunities, but I’m going to give it a good college try. (Thanks to my friends Joslyn and Susan for the idea. Now, can you two come to California and hold my hand?)

However, just because I’m not shopping doesn’t mean I’m not looking. In fact, I am introducing a new whoorl category entitled “What I’m Not Buying Today” where I will, well, show you what I’m not buying today. (See the link up in the top navigation bar!) Maybe YOU will buy it and I can live vicariously through you! YES, BRILLIANT!

In closing, when I told my lovely (yet dangerous) enablers of my new plan last night, the lovely Metalia wrote a little song to the tune of Goodbye, Lover by James Blunt for the occasion. (She’s the Weird Al of our time! But, you know, prettier. And normal.) Hold up your lighters, my friends.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

‘Cause I saw my bills, but “needed” that cardigan.
Yes I saw I was blinded, and I knew you had won.

So I took what’s mine, by eternal right.
That Sylvie dress, perfect for Date Night.

It may be over, but it won’t stop there,
So I’m stopping for now, because I need to repair.

You touched my heart, you touched my soul.
But I’ve changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.

I’ve purchased pea coats in bright red.
Shared my finds on the internet.

I know you well, I know your smell.
I’ve been addicted to you.

Goodbye to J. Crew.
Goodbye to Gap.
You have been the ones.
You have been the ones for me.

So, the question remains. Who wants to join me? COME ON! We can cry to one another on a weekly basis!

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62 comments

  1. slynnro

    January 14, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    I gotta say, I was shocked today to see that email had reached a chain of 30 by early this morning.

  2. kat

    January 14, 2009 at 2:06 pm

    omg, the sales people NOT knowing their inventory bugs the crap out of me. if i worked at jcrew, i’d know it all. because i love it all.

    i too have a problem with jackets. i’m at 15. and i had to stop. but when i told my sister i was on a jacket freeze for at least a year, what did she do? give me *another* jacket for my birthday. sigh.

    um. i also have a problem with multiples. in fact i get mocked by friends for it. because if i find something i love in one color…i cannot just buy one.

    eek. i’m not sure i could give up shopping until april 10th. that’s a *long* time. seriously. maybe i could give up for a month. baby steps.

  3. Moose

    January 14, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    If you ever find yourself with an inexplicable urge to trade one of those HH bags for homemade brown sugar cookies, CALL ME.

    (Oh, how I long.)

  4. Kristabella

    January 14, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    Wow, that is a lot of clothes!

    My closet is tiny and there is only one. So I have to purge or just not buy new things. That’s mostly because I’d just rather wear yoga pants and a ratty t-shirt every day, but sadly I’m not allowed to.

  5. Calee

    January 14, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    Next Step: The Whoorl garage sale/craigslist extravaganza/ ebay blowout. Just let us know if you ever want to make some space in that closet. After your 5 fall essentials or whatever you called it post, I removed 50% of my clothes from my closet (but didn’t get rid of them just in case) and I haven’t missed them.

    There’s something incredibly liberating about paring down your clothes and refusing to buy more for a time.

    Good for you.

  6. Kaleigha

    January 14, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    Wow. I am impressed with your will power. I am also praying that IF you are getting rid of some of clothes, that they will somehow make their way to Portland (shameless plug). I’m a poor newlywed, help me.:)

  7. ali

    January 14, 2009 at 3:03 pm

    i am sooo guilty of #4.
    i guess living in CANADA helps with the rest of the numbers. shopping in canada BLOWS. we have no jcrew. (gasp!)

  8. hillary

    January 14, 2009 at 3:05 pm

    my Dream Silvie Dress just came yesterday and I never want to take it off – it may be the softest, most comfortable piece of clothing I own

  9. Tera Stephens

    January 14, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    I will tell you the secret that makes the non shopping super easy…..
    You get pregnant. Maternity clothes have come a long way but the reality is, still not that cute! Do it soon and you can have all of mine!!
    Problem solved! And the huge closet purge when I found out felt like mainlining heroin! Now I have 5 weeks to go until I refill that empty closet. Problem begins again!!!

  10. Rhi

    January 14, 2009 at 3:14 pm

    I don’t want to join you, but I NEED to join you.

    But, am I allowed to spend gift cards?

  11. whoorl

    January 14, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    Yes! Good point. I am allowing myself to spend the gift cards I received for Christmas.

  12. Rebecca (Bearca)

    January 14, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    Sarah, oh so many thoughts are spilling out of my brain right now reading this. In no particular order:

    – the Twitter Photoshop Incident (TPI) has been cracking me up ALL WEEK LONG. Honestly, I find the fact that you took it upon yourself to edit my profile pic so damn funny. And the fact that you just posted it to your blog is EVEN FUNNIER. High hilarity.

    – It’s a good thing we are meeting at a bar tomorrow instead of South Coast. I’m just saying. There are no limits to my enabling.

    – Metalia is a genius.

    That is all.

  13. jcristg

    January 14, 2009 at 3:21 pm

    It appears you have two pairs of identical green flip flops. Hey, I’m not one to judge… it just struck me as funny.

    Those are actually the same ones! I just took the photos at different times.

  14. Abigail M. Schilling

    January 14, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    Dude! I made this decision on December 1 after I realized I hadn’t received a GapCard Silver bill WITHOUT a $20 gift coupon in months. Like over six.

    So, yeah, I STOPPED on December 1 and… wouldn’t you know I’m STILL ALIVE.

    It has actually made things a lot easier. I don’t need to argue back and forth with myself about buying something because I just can’t do it. I have to prove something to myself and I will, dammit!

    (Dear Gap and Old Navy, please stop sending me emails about your 75 percent off sales. I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.)

  15. Barb @ getupandplay

    January 14, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    To answer your question of who needs that many jackets, the answer is of course, Suze Orman!

    http://www.hulu.com/watch/19681/saturday-night-live-suze-orman