Oh, you guys. I’ve been waiting to post for the past several days – just daydreaming of a fun way to tell you that we were in escrow on our first house. Not only our first house, but THE house. Our house. The house that has kept D and I up into the wee hours of the night for the past few weeks, giggling and planning our future. Picking out paint colors, looking through floor samples, measuring spaces…planning the start of a new chapter in a place that could truly be ours. A mid-century, ranch-style home that hadn’t been on the market for over 40 years, it needed a decent amount of work, but it was perfect for us, and we were so ready to take the next step.

We didn’t get it.

Call it a lack of communication, call it first-time home buyer naiveté, call it whatever…we didn’t get it. We were outbid. Totally blindsided, and literally sick with regret.

I always heard that buying a house was an emotional process, but I am just baffled at how upsetting this has been for me. The only thing I can compare it to is a horrible breakup. The sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, the ridiculous amount of tears…I’m at a loss. I just want to rewind, but I can’t. I truly felt in my heart of hearts that the home was meant to be ours, but it’s not. It’s someone else’s, and we just need to accept it and move forward.

But for now, I’ll be blue for a little bit longer.

  • Beth Anne

    July 25, 2012 at 6:18 am

    oh, man. I hate that for you.

    Right now my husband & I are living at my parents house with our near-three-year-old because the closing on our old house & new house has been pushed back six more weeks & we were completely blindsided by it after packing up our entire house & planning new things & ordering a new bed & moving truck & OH MY GOSH, I AM SHOCKED I STILL HAVE HAIR LEFT.


    Thinking of you through my own personal real estate insanity. Chin up.

  • Lulu

    July 25, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Ive never commenteed before but feel I must because I totally understand the feeling. The exact same thing happened to us and it felt like a death in our family. Which in some ways it was, because all our hopes and dreams and Christmas memories and future gardens we had planned in our minds, well, those were dead in that space. BUT! There is hope! I swear to you that you WILL find an even more amazing house and when you do you’ll first be so amazed that anyone in their right minds would ever let that house go, and then you will be so grateful that you didn’t get that last house because clearly it was only a pale facscimile of YOUR house, the one you were meant to make all your family memories in. I know that will happen for you. It happened to us and three years later we are grateful every. Single. Day. For both our house and that our “first” house was not the house we ended up getting. (Also? Now you don’t have to go through all that crazy bank stuff anymore. All your ducks are in a row so you can swoop in one guns a’blazing!) Give yourself time to grieve for the loss of what could have been, but then start kicking ass and taking names as usual because your house IS out there!!!

  • Amti'b

    July 25, 2012 at 6:42 am

    So cliche, but it will work itself out, it always does. Sorry it didn’t happen for you guys:( XO

  • Carter

    July 25, 2012 at 7:04 am

    That blows. I’m sorry. It’s been a rough few days, derb started school and this! We had a house here that we loved, it was the forever or at least for a long time house and we got out bid too. Turns out it had a lot of water issues and we dodged a bullet. Something else even better wil come along for you guys. I’m still waiting too and I live in the OKC where pretty much every house is seriously fug!! Hugs cousin xoxo

  • Isabel

    July 25, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Oh man. What a bummer. I remember the first house we put an offer on. I imagined driving home to that house from the hospital with our new babies. I decided which (unborn) child would sleep in which bedroom. And, like you, we were blindsided and didn’t get it. And thus began our realization that in order to get the *perfect* house (that we could afford), we needed to build a house, and then sell that house and make enough money to build the *perfect* house.

    In the end, not getting that first house was the event that changed everything in our lives.

    I’m totally not saying you need to build a house. I’m just saying that this could truly be the start of something extraordinary for your little family.

    Good luck!

  • sizzle

    July 25, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Oh friend, I know this pain. I am truly sorry. It’s so hard to get over after planning and dreaming. We learned that after our first “dream house” went to someone else. Salt to the wound? It’s about 6 blocks from the house we did buy and when I drive by it sometimes I think “what if”. But honestly? The people who say it wasn’t meant to be and that the RIGHT house will find you are totally right. I didn’t believe them! But the house that we did end up buying is perfect for us, needs less work, is in better condition than that first house, and we gained equity on the appraisal. Like falling in love for the first time, it’s not easy to know there are houses out there better suited and wonderful just waiting to meet you.

  • TinaPow

    July 25, 2012 at 8:20 am

    This happened to me…last week.

    You just wrote everything I am feeling….my husband and I even went shopping for new flooring. The devestation does not seem like it should feel this bad it’s just a house, but oh how I had already moved in, in my head.

  • Michelle Baxter

    July 25, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Hi Sarah – I understand how you feel…I found my dream house last summer, but someone else bought it. In my mind, I was planning for our girls to get married there, cascading down the huge staircase on my husband’s arm…I saw my neice and nephew getting married there too…a big white party tent outside, dancing until midnight…family able to stay over, brunch the next morning in the big dining room, Memosas and crepes…I know how you feel, I really do…you guys will find that perfect house, and when you do, you’ll look back and the pieces of the story will all fit together.

    Michelle in Cincinnati : )

  • Nothing But Bonfires

    July 25, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Oh, I totally know how this feels — we were outbid (by many hundreds of thousands of dollars, which is CRAZY — apparently we didn’t realized that the price we could ONLY just about afford was in fact a total lowball figure designed to start a bidding war, HAHAHA, so we never even had a chance) and I felt really down about it for days. But — and I know this hardly helps now — we TOTALLY dodged a bullet, now that I look back on it. Even though I felt in my bones that the house was 100% right for us, I couldn’t have been further from the truth. Remembering it now, it seems CRAZY that I thought that was our house, even though at the time I was positive it was. Anyway, long story short, we found the house that really WAS right for us a few months later and now I can’t imagine living anywhere else. Yours will come soon, I know it, and you’ll look back on this one and sigh with relief that it didn’t work out. Until then, thinking of you.

  • Jess

    July 25, 2012 at 10:49 am

    It’s annoying to hear now, but it’s true in the end – this was meant to be and your PERFECT house is still out there. Keep on looking! Good luck!

  • Tracy D

    July 25, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    We lost the first house we put a bid on – it was a short sale and had been approved by the bank for a previous buyer (that fell through) at the price we offered so we were SURE it was ours! However, the people selling the house decided to foreclose instead. We didn’t want to wait months for that process, only to risk being outbid, so we kept looking.

    We found a house that suits us better, has a pool, and is a BETTER fit for us than the first house we thought we wanted so badly. Everything happens for a reason – something better, the one you’re meant to have, will come your way soon.

  • linette lyles

    July 25, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    Just echoing what all the other commenters are saying…as I’ve been in your shoes more than once in this area. As hard as it is to believe right now, you will find “the” house that is meant to be and you’ll wonder why you got so worked up over this one. It is an incredibly emotional process to find a home (not just a house) and it’s totally understandable to be upset over losing this one. Let yourself grieve for this house, then move on and trust that this happened for a reason…it just may take a while to see exactly what that reason is. Hang in there!

  • j

    July 25, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    you’re going to feel blue for a few days but know in your heart that there’s just another plan out there for you guys and that plan doesn’t include this home. so keep the faith, hang in there and another door will open and whatever is presented to you will be even better that what you thought was right for you. good luck!

  • Angie

    July 25, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    Yep, pretty much everyone has said it but our real estate agent gave us a quote that pretty much said “you always end up in the house you were meant to be in” and it’s true…although your feelings and blueness are completely valid and the sitch totally blows. So sorry!

  • Luisa

    July 26, 2012 at 1:53 am

    Oh no!! I’m so sorry.

  • Leslie

    July 26, 2012 at 5:20 am

    I KNOW! You never think it’s going to be so sad, and then it is, and you keep thinking of the house anyway. Ugh. I’m sorry – that happened to my boyfriend and me last year. But then! We found a different but also wonderful house, and we got that one! So… that could be waiting around the corner for you guys.

    Good luck!

  • Lyndsay

    July 26, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Same thing happened to us. I cried and cried. Then, I got a phone call that the buyers couldn’t sell their home and backed out – were we still interested? We had already signed a contract on another house right down the street from the dream house. Damn the luck. Now I look at the owners with hatred every time I drive by. That was our house! All this to say, I empathize.

  • Rhi

    July 26, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Oh, man. It’s SO HARD not to get emotionally attached. Hoping something that fits you guys better comes along soon!

  • claudia098

    July 26, 2012 at 8:36 am

    I’m sorry to hear it. It doesn’t help now, but you’ll find another house that is even more perfect, because this time it will be YOURS!

  • ohjennymae

    July 26, 2012 at 9:30 am

    aw, man. there’s gonna be a house out there and you’ll love it just as much (if not more!) and it will be yours! you guys could transform any measly shack into a beautiful mid-century abode. i know my words may seem hollow because you truly are mourning the loss of the home you thought was the one, but i know you’ll find another. and it will be perfect.

  • Samantha

    July 26, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Been there three times in the last eighteen months. It sucks and you’re right, it feels exactly like some kind of horrible break-up where the guy won’t return your calls or your emails and he passes you in the hall at school and laughs with his buddies and acts like he didn’t even see you.

    Here’s what annoyed me the most when we lost our first dream house: “Oh, the right house is out there. You’ll find one you love even more.” I called bullshit until we fell in love with our second house and then boom. Gone. Heard the same crap again. Didn’t believe them until we found the third house. And then that one was lost, too and we heard it again.

    But this time? I believe them. ‘Cause it’s totally true. I’m sorry you guys lost your dream house, but there really, really is another one out there. Promise. (And it’s okay if you don’t believe me.)

  • Elizabeth

    July 26, 2012 at 10:54 am

    I have this feeling not with houses, but with jobs. So close. My husband is trying to move into a new job, and he tends to come in second for numerous wonderful, perfect jobs. You’re in the last round of interviews! It’s between you and one other person! And then it’s always the other person. For me it’s always, Send us some work samples! We love it! We have the perfect project for you! And then, inevitably, the project gets canceled or underfunded, and, thus, I come so close, yet never close enough, to getting the perfect job. This cycle gets really old, really fast. I feel your pain.

  • Janssen

    July 26, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Oh no! This is so heartbreaking. Good luck finding something you absolutely love.

  • Lisa

    July 26, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    I’m so sorry! I’ve never bought a house myself, but I’m addicted to all the home buyer shows on HGTV and I’m planning to start looking in the next year or two, so I can only imagine what it’s like. There will be something else out there for you!

  • Kate Haas

    July 28, 2012 at 6:52 am

    Same song and dance over here… but it all worked out because we found a MUCH better home soon after. You will too.
    Much Love, Kate

  • Kaela

    July 28, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    This happened to me last month…heartbroken and sobbing on the phone to anyone who cared to listen. Then just this weekend a mid century ranch in even better condition came on market and I jumped on it. Now im scheduling my inspection and thanking the universe for not letting me have the first one I fell for. It was annoying to hear at the time but I was told “YOUR house is still out there” and it was…and now it shall be mine in all it’s mid-century goodness! Keep your head up. :)

  • Pamela

    July 28, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    Sarah, listen to me. We have been living like paupers and saving every dime for 3.5 years to buy our dream home. We searched for 8 months and looked at 38 houses (after ruling hundreds out online). I’m telling you all that to say, this was not meant to be. It wasn’t your house. Your house is out there waiting for you and God’s timing is always perfect. We too thought we found “the one” several months ago and were devastated when we didn’t get it. But now we are about to close on THE ONE and we are so glad we didn’t get the first house. I’ve come to see house hunting like being single: You date, hoping to find “the one”. Many were great but they didn’t really hold your interest. Some you thought you should like more than you did, but “it” wasn’t there. Maybe one or two passed through that you loved deeply but in hindsight see it wouldn’t have worked out. And then when you meet your husband you.just.know. And it’s right and it’s not tons of work or effort and although he’s not perfect he’s so much of what you hoped for that the compromises are worth it. That was your husband and that will be your house. I promise.

  • Asha {Parent Hacks}

    July 29, 2012 at 8:58 am

    I am SO sorry to hear this, Sarah! Your commenters are full of wisdom…just wanted to send you good thoughts. I know there is a beautiful home in your future, but I also just wish I could send you some chicken soup for the now.

  • bethany actually

    July 29, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Oh Sarah, I’m so sorry. Of course you’re blue. You’re grieving the home you thought you were going to have, and the possible future you and your family would have there. I hope you find another home that you will love just as much.

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