The 2007 Whoorlies

Welcome to the inaugural ceremony of the soon-to-be-coveted Whoorlie awards. You all look absolutely ravishing. Please take your seats.

Over the past several years, we’ve seen a plethora of blog-based awards. The Weblog Awards, The BOB Awards, The Bloggies, The Perfect Post Awards and the highly sought-after “Look At Me. I’m So Important That I Won A Blog Award” Blog Awards are just the tip of the iceberg. It seems almost every blog I frequent dons some sort of colorful button screaming “I’m better than you, turdbag. Bite me.”

Well, what about the other special and extremely gifted writers* out there? Are these people* not worthy of such awards? Maybe these people* are holding back, afraid that their* sheer brilliance and talent might alienate readers around the globe…their* words acting as a mask, YES, A MASK! A mask that hides the pure poetic genius festering inside their* souls! Have you considered that? HUH, Darren?! HUH?!

To that, I say TralalalaLAH! I, err I mean we, We LAUGH at your snubbery! We don’t need your precious awards!

Enter Whoorlies, stage right!

To qualify for a Whoorlie, you must have NO previous blog awards in your repertoire. And of course, you must be a genius and all that stuff I wrote up there.

On with the show!

Most Consistent ThemeGorillabuns. And that theme would be cocktails. She’ll drink you under the table. And then slay you with seriously wicked karaoke performances.

Best Artistic VisionChirky. As seen here and here and here.

Best Use of Haiku – Red Red Whine (formerly Guinness Girl). I am partial to this one.

Best Thoughts Of A Deep Variety (Making Whoorl Feel Like A Totally Shallow Asshat)Sizzle Says. Plus, I’m envious of her rack. See? There I go with the shallow again.

If I Had A 100 Things List, It Would Be Eerily SimilarMetalia. Seriously, avocado? Grass green? Football? Lip gloss? Good speller? The nose thing? I could go on forever.

The Only Top 100 Technorati Blogger That Reads WhoorlBrian Gardner. Although, really, do you care about the insignificant Whoorlie when you have 4,709 blogs linking to you? Really?

Best Public Service Announcement No Pasa Nada. She says NO, sucka! But are you saying no to the Whoorlie?

My Favorite CanadianKicky Boots. And this is big, ’cause I love me some Canadians. Maybe it’s because Avelyn and Wito are destined for a long-distance romance.

Best Photo Of Sleeping ChildHola, Isabel. Only one of the many reasons I read Isabel, but C’MON, that photo is HILARIOUS.

Congratulations to the 2007 winners. You may now adorn your sidebars with this beauty.


Please contain your excitement. PLEASE CONTAIN YOUR EXCITEMENT! Let’s act like adults, mmmkay?

I now abruptly conclude the First Annual Whoorlie Awards. My brain has offically melted from all of the linkage.

Coming soon! The Average Post Awards!

*ahem…ahem…AHEM, YOU FOOLS!

  • Jurgen Nation

    March 21, 2007 at 9:03 am


    Oh, don’t cry to me, 2005 BOB Winner and recipient of 2006 LAMISITIWABA.

  • Darren McLikeshimself

    March 21, 2007 at 9:13 am

    Now, if I recall, I gave out my blog awards in January ’06, and I didn’t start reading you until March ’06. I haven’t yet decided if I want to do a second round of “Look at Me” blog awards or not, but it looks like I’m going to have to start a “Sour Grapes” category…

    Well, you should have found me EARLIER, DAMN IT.

  • Brian Gardner

    March 21, 2007 at 8:21 am

    Who cares about numbers when you can place a radical green Whoorlie Award on my website??? :) My big dilemma is whether or not to hotlink your image…

    Thanks for the recognition. If I was still living in LA I’d drop by and give you a great big hug… But for now, a virtual one is all I can offer. And I’ll still frequent your masterpiece blog even after your ‘Hawks kick SIU’s arse this weekend.

  • Isabel

    March 21, 2007 at 8:21 am

    Oh my goodness, I am so freakin’ excited (that one was for Mormon Joe)! I can’t believe I won.

    To be honest, when I took the picture of sleeping Babboo last weekend I *knew* it was destined for greatness.

    And by winning this award dose it mean I’m out of the running for The Average Post Awards??


  • nabbalicious

    March 21, 2007 at 8:43 am

    SNUBBED! I take umbrage! I demand a recount! Even though I never could have been nominated to begin with! It is no matter! Is there a button that reads “Whoorlie 2007 Snubbee”? If so, I’ll take one, please. What? I like to win.

    I know, I know. It hurts deep down, Little Miss I HAVE ALREADY WON TWO AWARDS. Power to the little people!

  • chirky

    March 21, 2007 at 8:45 am

    I can’t decide whether I want to print this and hang it on my cubicle wall, so SOMEONE knows I did SOMETHING. The intrigue!

    I’m glad you can appreciate my drawings. I’m partial to them, personally. They even have their own category in my Flickr account, which is the mark of TRUE greatness.

  • Donovan

    March 21, 2007 at 8:51 am

    A shit day is always improved by a new post from Whoorl.
    Thanks Whoorl, I needed that.

  • hola, isabel » Hi, it’s just me

    March 21, 2007 at 8:53 am

    […] won a Whoorlie award today.  It’s my first ever blog award, and I’m thrilled.  Awesome, I know.  It would […]

  • guinness girl

    March 21, 2007 at 9:12 am

    WOOHOOOOOO!!! I am indescribably honored. Thank you, Whoorl!!

  • SAJ

    March 21, 2007 at 9:45 am

    I am coveting!

  • sizzle

    March 21, 2007 at 9:50 am

    i can NOT and will NOT contain my excitement. i am honored. i’d like to thank God. . .


    you are even more awesome and i sincerely believed that it was impossible for you to top yourself. but you have. :)

  • alyndabear

    March 21, 2007 at 12:03 pm


  • Kelly

    March 21, 2007 at 12:21 pm

    What’s a girl got to do….I gave up hookin a long time ago. Hey, I proudly stand tall that I am in your links. Keeping the flame burning for 2008.
    Three cheers for Kicky Boots…enjoy her blog…way to go Amanda!

    You love how everyone is pouring on the guilt…you better feel like a schmuck. Your only existence it to put us all on the map and also to make us laugh and I suppose to be a good mom too.

  • BeachMama

    March 21, 2007 at 12:03 pm

    So here I thought I was the only Canadian you knew but, alas, your awards are way too funny. How did you pick them all?? (need criteria for next year ;) )

  • gorillabuns

    March 21, 2007 at 12:06 pm

    i feel quite honored to be included in the first evah whoorlie awards! i should scream like sally fields because dude, i NEVER win anything, except for $2 on last weeks scratch-off lottery ticket. so, if you will excuse me, i have to go now to figure out where my award will look it’s shiny best and oh, yes, go on the hunt for the best drink specials in town.

  • Jenifer

    March 21, 2007 at 12:12 pm

    Damn, I thought I sent you the bribe so I could win? Maybe the check got lost in the mail.

  • Heather B.

    March 21, 2007 at 12:34 pm

    I’m pretty sure that the last time I won something was in 1993 during a game of Bingo.

    So really, I appreciate this.

    Also, do realize that when I see you this summer, I’m going to have to buy you a shot, or seven to show my thanks.

  • Kaili

    March 21, 2007 at 12:37 pm

    That is so funny, I was totally thinking of doing awards on my blog. Weird. Great idea!
    I know Amanda and Avelyn, so way to go! Little Wito man and Avelyn would look quite smashing together!

  • Elizabeth

    March 21, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    What a fun idea. I think that I might snag it, of course my awards will never be as highly coveted as yours… Glad to know that I have read some of your faves! Have a great day.

  • Rachel

    March 21, 2007 at 1:38 pm

    Aw, man! I even put on CLEAN UNDERWEAR today and I didn’t win a damn thing! Hmmm. Methinks Whoorl needs more catagories!

  • metalia

    March 21, 2007 at 2:13 pm

    Well, THAT just made my day. Thank you! Can I put this on my résumé?

    I knew about the the football and lip gloss love (well, obviously), not to mention the diaper bag coincidence, but I was not aware of the other stuff…I adore you even more now, if possible. We should get together and, um…eat guacamole on freshly cut green grass, whereinafter we should have a spelling bee/end zone dance discussion? While applying lipgloss?

  • cocodrie

    March 21, 2007 at 3:33 pm

    That Chirky is good! Between your recommending her work and SAJ’s, I am quite sure you deserve your own award for having a great eye for talent.

    (Also, “totally shallow asshat” is a great phrase. And one that I will certainly have the pleasure of using living in L.A.! Copyright Whoorl, of course.)

  • angela

    March 21, 2007 at 4:52 pm

    I guess I’ll just have to save up my acceptance speech for another time. Which is probably good, because now I can rehearse it in front of the mirror a few thousand times to make sure it is perfectly polished.

  • Angella

    March 21, 2007 at 5:04 pm

    I’m coveting the awards too. Maybe next year? Or ten years from now? How many Canadians do I have to compete against? I’m super glad that Amanda won, though – she’s even better in real life :)

  • don't call me ma'am

    March 21, 2007 at 6:18 pm

    So… when do you think you’ll be having awards again… possibly for people who have only won a SINGLE award?? ;-)

    I will add more awards the day I receive an award. Which means, don’t hold your breath.

  • Maya

    March 21, 2007 at 8:01 pm

    Containing excitement. CONTAINING EXCITEMENT. (barely) Congratulations to all winners.

    So…you’re saying you need rack-age for winner status? Hmmm….

  • kris

    March 22, 2007 at 6:36 am

    Holla, big winners! woot!

    I, of course, am feeling just a little like Susan Lucci now, but it’s all good. ;)

    Kris, I do believe you were the recipient of the 2006 “Learn Something New Every Day” Award from the Share The Love Blog Awards. I did my research, chica. FURTHERMORE, if ANYONE is Susan Lucci, it’s me! ME! ME! ME!

    Oh wait, to be considered a “Susan Lucci”, I would have to be nominated for something….

  • Gary

    March 22, 2007 at 1:28 pm

    Congrats to Brian. I modified one of his themes for my site I launched officially 6 days ago. How can I get in line for one of those cool awards?

    How about an award for blogging about nonprofit stuff, blogging in Texas…I’ll take any of them. I’m at http://www.drivebyconsulting.com

    I’ll also take advice on how to make my blog as cool as these winners.


  • Amanda

    March 22, 2007 at 1:37 pm

    You have no clue how this had made my week! Really. Excitement CANNOT BE CONTAINED.
    Thanks for the internet lovin’.
    You’re my favourite American. :)

  • kris

    March 22, 2007 at 5:07 pm

    Dammit! How did you know I won that one?

    You are a sly one, Whoorl. Very, very sly indeed . . .

  • Jessica

    March 22, 2007 at 5:37 pm

    What about a gratuitous award for the blogger/reader for the most children under the age of 2, pushed out in less than 2 years… anybody? Me? Sure…I’ll accept that award. Just an idea of course…Just an idea.

  • Applause, Applause « Sizzle Says

    March 23, 2007 at 6:16 am

    […] March 23, 2007 Filed under: Blogroll — sizzlesays @ 7:16 am I totally won a coveted Whoorlie! What for you ask? “Best Thoughts Of A Deep Variety (Making Whoorl Feel Like A Totally […]

  • will

    March 23, 2007 at 2:43 pm

    My lifetime goal is now to get a Whoorlie.

  • Wacky Mommy

    March 25, 2007 at 4:59 pm

    I would win the award for “Will She Stay Drunk on Mojitos All Summer and Make NO SENSE Again? Or Will She Finally Get a Damn Job?”

    Your candidate,


  • Five Questions: The Interview at whoorl

    April 14, 2007 at 9:55 am

    […] a nutshell, if I had a Whoorlie category entitled “I’ll Totally Single White Female Your Ass”, Rebecca would be […]

  • Y

    April 19, 2007 at 4:22 pm

    I don’t even know you and I love you because you gave Metalia an award. Because Metalia is The Awesome.