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10 Universal Truths According to Whoorl

in Odds and Ends

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1. The smoke detector battery warning always starts beeping between the hours of 3am.

2. Children will come down with a nasty illness within 24 hours of one parent leaving town.

3. The pain of stepping on a Lego in the dark is indescribable. Rivaling the pain of stepping on an upturned plug, perhaps.

4. If you desperately need to stop for 5 seconds to send a quick text while driving, you will hit every. single. green. light. On the flip side, if you’re in a huge hurry, red lights all damn day.

5. Feeling super confident and cute while running errands? Ghost town. Quick run to Target at 8am in your pajamas, no bra, and morning breath? You’ll see around 43 people you know.

6. Prius owners are the slowest drivers on the planet.

7. Whatever you are searching for in your purse will be the last thing you find.

8. There is no panic like the panic you feel when you get your head or hand stuck in something. Well, maybe that moment when you’ve realized you’ve leaned back a little too far in your chair. (i.e. OMG I’M GOING TO DIE.)

9. Your TV/printer/iPhone/laptop will suddenly render itself unusable the second you desperately need to watch/print/call/email.

10. The next Bachelor rose ceremony will not be the most dramatic yet.

Care to add any to the list?

image: Daniel Eatock

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20 comments

  1. Heather

    April 1, 2014 at 6:23 am

    Yes.

    – The rage that is ignited deep in your belly when you realize someone has used the last egg.

    – The number of times that you can double check, loose and verify that you still have your boarding pass within 5 minutes, is a frightening glimpse into your future with Alzheimer’s.

    – That time you searched the house for a tampon then, fumbled the wrapper and dropped it in the toilet. ‘Nuff said.

    • whoorl

      April 1, 2014 at 7:46 am

      Hahaha, YES. Boarding passes! How is is possible to lose them 15 times in a 20-minute period? See #7.

    • J.Mill

      April 2, 2014 at 7:32 am

      Agree with the list and YES to the boarding pass thing!

  2. Stacey

    April 1, 2014 at 11:12 am

    Funny! Love this. ha.

  3. Joanna

    April 1, 2014 at 11:36 am

    The second I sit down at the computer to do anything, my kids will all of a sudden need everything.

    • Natalie

      April 1, 2014 at 9:23 pm

      Exactly right.

  4. Michelle Heller

    April 1, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    couldn’t. be. more. right. Love these!

  5. gorillabuns

    April 1, 2014 at 8:45 pm

    The minute you sit down on the pot, someone is either a) bleeding b) fighting c) wants to read your US Magazine with you. d) wants to finally show you some love.

    The day you choose to wear no bra, pj bottoms and house-shoes, is the day you a)have an accident b) kid left their lunch in the car c) forgot to give them money for lunch.

  6. natalie

    April 1, 2014 at 9:32 pm

    1. Smoke blows in my face regardless of where I move around the campfire (it’s still worth it).
    2. A little vulnerability goes a long way.
    3. Any exercise is better than no exercise.

    • whoorl

      April 2, 2014 at 7:48 am

      Smoke follows beauty!! :)

  7. Heidi

    April 2, 2014 at 8:29 am

    Don’t buy concealer and lipgloss that come in the same size/shape tube. (MAC comes to mind.) When putting a swipe of lipgloss on in the car while you’re running late, you will always choose the concealer one to put on your lips. Every time. And always check the mirror when putting lipgloss on just incase you’ve applied concealer to your lips.

  8. Shelby

    April 7, 2014 at 10:48 am

    Happening now: every time I get up early enough to enjoy a cup of coffee before the morning madness, my kids decide to wake up at the same time the coffee is done brewing.

  9. Alysa

    April 7, 2014 at 10:52 am

    The minute someone says the baseball game is going fast, you can be sure it slows to a crawl and will most likely include extra innings. (Baseball wife here)

  10. Shelby

    April 7, 2014 at 10:54 am

    Also, it is impossible to wake my kids up before 7 on a school day without a bullhorn and a taser. On the weekend when mommy and daddy can sleep in… It’s impossible to keep them asleep until after 6, regardless of bedtime the night before.

  11. Alix

    April 7, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    The one morning your kids actually need to be up early will be the morning they choose to sleep in.

  12. Leslie

    April 12, 2014 at 6:35 am

    Your kids will always get the pukes at 3 am. No exceptions.

  13. Fad

    April 13, 2014 at 11:31 pm

    Your kids will demand immediate attention the second you step in the bathroom to pee/poop/escape from the living room mayhem. Peeing without an audience is overrated.
    Same kind of attention, but much noisier will be demanded, the second the baby is asleep for his much needed nap.