10

Weighing the Pros and Cons

Excellent things about the Internet:

1) Shopping. J. Crew, Sephora, Gap, Nordstrom, etc. Mind you, I have all of these stores within a ten-mile radius of my house but going there would mean dealing with those slow, weaving mall-browsers that cut down on my efficiency. Are you people drunk? Get the hell out of my way! No time for lollygagging. When it comes to the mall, Get In and Get Out. That’s my mantra. Plus, going to the mall means getting off my lazy ass and really, who wants that?

2) eBay. I love eBay. Just call me Queen of Swoop. All of those poor, unsuspecting eBayers bidding on an item, thinking they will win, when BAM! 23 seconds to go, swoop in, put in my bid, and I win AGAIN. I have never been successfully swooped upon and I am damn proud. And really, what’s with all of the people who start bidding a day in advance? Do they not realize they are just unnecessarily driving the price of the item up? Hate. Haaaaaate. Hate.

3) Live customer support. This means not having to talk on the phone. Glorious. I don’t like talking on the phone- please don’t ever call me. Don’t get me wrong, I like you! But my Get in, Get out mantra also applies to phone calls. Can’t we just email each other? I never answer my phone unless it’s my husband, and I average a 5-7 day delay on returning personal phone calls unless it’s family. Luckily, my peeps know just how much deeply-rooted strength I must muster to dial the digits and they’re sympathetic to the issue. Oh, and Liz, your 5-7 day period is this Thursday through Saturday…be on the lookout. ;)

4) Makeupalley.com. 5,900,000,000 product reviews at your fingertips. I have a thing for makeup*, lip gloss especially, and when I feel a haul coming on, I just read all the informative reviews of a product to help make my decision.

Not that anyone gives a rat’s ass, but here are my fave lip glosses right now.

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While we’re at it- presenting the best blush ever. Tried and true. Scary in the compact, perfection on the cheeks.

*I love makeup, but generally look like a Russian whore if I wear more than mascara, blush and lip gloss.

Moving along…

5) All of this online purchasing means lots and lots of packages! Delivered to my doorstep! All the time! My UPS man commented, “It’s like Christmas everyday at this house.” Damn straight. Ok, Ok. So I might have a little addiction to receiving packages in the mail. At least it’s not crystal meth.

6) My favorite blogs listed in my sidebar. Making new cool-as-hell friends from blogging.

7) Online Bill Pay. Access to all of my accounts.

8) Pink Is The New Blog.

9) This Site. Ya know, just in case.

Not-So-Excellent Things about the Internet:

1) The wealth of information about very very bad things that can happen to you from one seemingly harmless symptom. Like, I don’t know, when your husband has a muscle twitch in his arm for two days straight and you have completely convinced yourself he has Lou Gehrig’s Disease or a Pulmonary Embolism in the works. Thank you, Internet.

2) The amount of time I spend reading blogs. I’m beginning to think I have a problem. No, I know I have a problem. Is it really neccesary to check my favorite blogs 10 times a day? Is there a Bloggers Anonymous? Should I start one?

3) Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

4) My increasingly believable rationalization that writing an entry (or taking photos of my makeup, for God’s sake) for my blog is more important than doing my job. Like this shit is paying my bills or something.

5) The decline of face-to-face contact in our daily lives. For instance, ordering items online instead of buying the items at the mom-and-pop store across the street. (Who I am kidding? I love this, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for me.)

6) All in all, I guess I’m just like Troy in Reality Bites. As Lelaina so eloquently put it, “You are a master at the art of time suckage”.

2

Dongers Are Victorious

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My beloved Long Duk Dongers defeated Team Fruit of the Loom yesterday in Fantasy Football. After an abysmal start, my team is now 2-2. Hell yes.

11

Bishop Stu Tu

So I called my dad last night to say howdy and see what was going on halfway across the country. He was installing his iPod into his Mini-Cooper before heading down to his recording studio where he was finalizing a new song.

Stop right there.

How cool is that? My dad rocks! He is such a cool cat. Honestly, if you met my dad and didn’t like him, I’d probably persuade you to head on down to the nearest mental hospital ’cause you might be a little unhinged. He’s successful! He sings! He plays the guitar! He solves complex mathematical equations with the greatest of ease! He can fix anything, whether it is an antique watch or an entire air conditioning system! For God’s sake, the man even cut my hair when I was younger, and people, I am pretty damn picky when it comes to the locks. How can one person be so talented at so many damn things? I’m intrigued.

If that wasn’t enough, presenting More Cool Things About My Dad!

1) He does all of the grocery shopping. Our family is prepared for a complete nuclear disaster- he has acquired more canned goods than the local food bank. Now, I could argue that sometimes he goes with the generic stuff (blech), but he makes up for this with The Infamous Candy Drawer. A bona fide candy drawer filled with every kind of confection you could dream of. Snickers? Check. Blowpops? Check. Chick-o-Sticks? Check. Also, looking for some gum or Good & Plenty’s? He is always in possession of these two items. Oh, and don’t get him talking about the different kinds of black licorice. Give him the wrong kind of black licorice, and it’s like handing Superman some kryptonite. Complete meltdown.

2) Interested in sound financial advice? Need to create a new budget? He’s your man. Now, sometimes this “financial advice” has been a bit unwarranted, like the time I asked him a general question about interest rates, only to be lectured about the “blood bath” economy for three hours, trying to feign interest while feverishly searching the room for a pencil to shove into my eye socket so I could call 911 and get out of the house pronto.

3) He doesn’t mind driving halfway across the city to get the best pizza in town for Sunday pizza dinners. I tend to think this is due to his sneaking suspicion that the pizza shop owners might be part of the Taliban and is hoping to intercept some crucial contraband. Okie dokie. And if pizza doesn’t sound good, he makes the world’s best chilidogs. They are excellent and also his cure for anything ailing you. Hung over? Eat a chilidog. Feeling blue? Eat a chilidog. Bad haircut? Eat a chilidog. Your pet died? Eat a chilidog. You get the picture.

4) My personal favorite- He didn’t send me to a Swedish boarding school at age sixteen when I managed to wreck all three of the family’s cars in a 48-hour period. Oops.

5)Most importantly, he is one hell of a father to my sister and I and one hell of a husband to my mom (who happens to rock the casbah, as well).

I miss my dad.