9

Achieving Low Maintenance Hair

Katie is a public interest lawyer living in Chicago with her husband, a basil plant named Boris, and a staggeringly large collection of cookbooks. She has very strong feelings about public schools, letterpress stationary, and beer. (And hair, obviously.)

Hello, I’m Katie, and I’m guilty of hair neglect.

If Whoorl is a hair savant, I was, for many years, a hair dunce. I rocked the frizz. Mousy color. Cowlicks galore. Unfortunate breakage around the face. I didn’t even use conditioner. In short: fluffy-haired disaster.

Here’s the thing: I don’t expend a lot of effort on my hair. I suppose I could get up a little earlier, spend a little more money on products, get a haircut more often than every 4-6 months. But…I don’t. I like my hair to look not horrible, but if it’s going to take a lot of time/money/effort, it’s just not going to happen.

The good news is this: after 30 years on this planet, I have figured out several tricks to making your hair look not horrible without a lot of time/money/effort. And now, I am here guest editing at Hair Thursday to share the joys of low-maintenance hair with you.

First, I should probably share my philosophy of what it means to be “low-maintenance”. For me, a low maintenance hairstyle has three main characteristics:

(1) it is easily and relatively quickly achieved in the morning;

(2) it does not require frequent, expensive salon visits; and

(3) it does not require a lot of pricey products.

It’s important to note that for me, low maintenance does NOT mean “wash and wear.” If you are one of those people who can look presentable with wash and wear hair, that must be very nice for you. I don’t want to hear about it. I’ve done a lot of wash and wear in my day, people, and it is not pretty (see “fluffy-haired disaster,” above.)

All right, now that we’re acquainted, time for Katie’s Low Maintenance Hair Lesson #1: Get thee a stylist you like and trust, and get thee the proper cut.

(a) Get thee a stylist you like and trust

Why is it so important to find a stylist? After all, you’re low maintenance! You’re not the prissy type who has her beauty professionals on speed dial! Trust me, it took me a long time to learn this one, and it is important. If you’re only going for a cut 3-4 times a year, the person cutting your hair has to rock. When you find the haircut that works, you do NOT want to try to explain it from scratch to whatever random 20 year old happens to be manning the hair chair the next time you go in for a cut. Cultivate a relationship with someone who actually LISTENS to you, and who can remember what she did last time, so she can replicate it.

(Note: In your quest to find the perfect stylist, you do not necessarily want to go to the trendiest or fanciest salon in your ‘hood. Why? Because their ideal clients are people who get highlights, and glossing treatments, and haircuts named after celebrities. None of these things are low maintenance.)

(b) Get thee the proper cut.

I know, I know, easy for me to say. This will depend on your hair type, thickness, preferred length range, and tendency to pouf. But here are some general hints:

  • Longer is easier. Short sassy cuts can be really fun and pretty, but short cut = more frequent trips to the salon for upkeep. If you lack the time or inclination to get to the salon regularly, a cut that is shoulder-length or longer will serve you well. Plus, with longer hair you always have the ponytail option.
  • Choose long layers. Long layers will give you a cut with nice movement and shape, and (key point, this) are very forgiving as they grow out. An all-one-length cut can start to look straggly and uneven after only a few weeks. With some well-snipped long layers you can go months between haircuts. Beware, however, layers that are too short or too thin- if your hair is fine, the longest layer can start to look a little wispy and sad, and if you have any wave in your hair things can get very poufy. Here is a helpful illustration:

low maintenance layers:

Mark Von Holden/WireImage.com

decidedly NOT low maintenance layers:

taylor-momsen.net

  • Consider the cowlicks. Know your cowlicks, and do not choose a hairstyle that is going to require you to constantly battle against the way your hair wants to grow.
  • Embrace side bangs. (Even if you have a cowlick in the front of your head.) Look at me, contradicting myself! The one place where I think it’s worth it to break the “don’t fight the cowlick” rule is with side bangs. I have a very large, frightening cowlick in the front of my head (plus a widow’s peak! Bonus!) but I have happily sported side bangs for over 5 years now. Side bangs mask a lot of flaws, particularly breakage/frizziness around the face. Also, if you ever wear a ponytail, side bangs make things look a lot more polished. Generally speaking, the addition of some side bangs makes you look like you have a “hairstyle” as opposed to “a bunch of strands growing out of my head with no obvious plan or organizing principle”.

There! That’s a start.  Tune in for future adventures in Achieving Low Maintenance Hair, including color tips, product recommendations, how to stay low maintenance while traveling, and detailed instructions for low maintenance special occasion hair.

21

Haiku #2

Oh, this week was chock full of fun. Enjoy.

ER 1 am
Oh stomach issues, why do
you make my life suck?

After six hours of
CAT scans/ ultrasounds, it’s not
appendicitis

Now I must dabble
in the world of stool samples
I think I might hork

What you are telling
me is that I need to shit
in that plastic cup?

And put it in the
freezer? Should I place it next
to the chicken strips?

My pants are falling
off my hips, this girl needs some
down-home good cooking

Heather B, our phone
conversation was a mere
glimpse at my mania

Am I Bea Arthur?
Sis called me geriatric
while at Bloomingdales

Are these underwear
granny panties? Am I not
bringing sexy back?

Well, her sales pitch worked
I now own the Cadillac
of thongs
, lots of them

I could not decide
amidst the pretty colors
so I bought a lot

Whoa, is that a breeze
on my ass cheeks? Awkward, yo
Husband sure likes them

Mind has certainly
been in the gutter lately
Maybe it’s the thongs?

If you think some blogs
are sellouts, then quit fucking
reading them, simple

The best mascara
is sitting on drugstore shelves
LashExact, trust me

And no, I was not
compensated to say that
Peace be with you

I mentioned before
The Carpenters make me cringe
My personal hell

If I hear one more
Carpenters Christmas song, I
will off myself soon

It’s confession time
I enjoy writing haikus
Have a great weekend!

11

hair thursday makeover 54

Meet Dave.

Some of you might recognize this man. Dave is the brother of one of my very favorite people in the universe, Kristin of Better Now fame. If you don’t regularly read Kristin’s blog (which OMG, what are you waiting for?), she recently posted about the state of Dave’s hair.

No matter how much mocking he hears from his family or girlfriend, Dave will NOT cut his 1990s long hair because, among other reasons, “the chicks dig it.” Dave, Dave, Dave….what are we going to do with you?

Kristin put a call out to her readers and Dave agreed to cut his locks if she received 500 comments (which now stands at 465 as I type this). Looks like it might be time for the choppy chop, Dave. Will the handsome, grizzly, people-wary Mountain Man shed a tear over lost locks? We shall soon see.

Don’t worry, Dave. You are in good hands – I promise you, even with shorter hair, I will pick looks that the chicks will be sure to dig.

Let’s get started. First off, Dave has great hair. It’s thick and wavy and the minute I saw his photos, I immediately thought of Scott Speedman.

And look, Dave! Scott Speedman rocked the longer, straggly ‘do as well.

Eh, it’s not horrible, but it most certainly is not good. What about these two options?

Now, that’s what I’m talking about. Option #1 is the shorter of the two – the back of the hair is short enough to be hidden from a frontal view, but the top still has length so Dave can still show off his blond, wavy locks. And don’t even get me started on how perfectly this cut would accent Dave’s strong jaw and features.

Option #2 has the same general shape in the front as #1, but is longer all around. This might be a good way for Dave to ease into the shorter hair look.

Either way, I have a sneaking suspicion that the ladies will be swooning once Dave’s hair is short enough to show off his handsome features. (Don’t get any ideas, gals. He’s taken.)

Oh! One other thing – these haircuts look great with a little scruff.

Am I right or AM I RIGHT? While y’all vote, I’m going to stalk Scott Speedman.

Tell Dave what you think! Which option should be the winning look?

Alright, time to meet yet another Dave.

Dave’s lovely girlfriend Kate sent me an email with a desperate plea to help her man. I would have to agree that it is indeed desperado time. Dave, we need to cut that hair off.

Now, Dave’s hair has a couple of challenges – it is curly, but very prone to stringiness and frizz. Kate told me that his usual process consists of cutting his hair to ear-length, letting it grow to his shoulders and repeating the process.

I think Dave’s face is being shadowed by that crazy hair and the time has come to say goodbye. Here are the options I propose.

Option #1 is a good look for Dave’s hair type. In fact, this actor’s hair has a very similar texture and weight. This cut would put the focus back on Dave’s face, and I’m pretty sure saying sayonara to those stringy curls would not only look great, but feel great too.

Option #2 is a little longer, just in case Dave feels a little hesitant. What I do like about this cut is that the sides are hitting at the top of the ear, so the overall look is much cleaner.

What do you all think? Be sure to tell Dave #2 what to do!