The Fallen Soldier

(Let’s just get this out of the way. No one has guessed the name. Yet.)

Last December, Whoorlito’s top teeth had a particularly shudder-inducing run-in with the bottom shelf of a steel baker’s rack. It was directly following one of his dramatic exits, usually involving my request to do something highly undesirable (such as finish eating his lunch or cleaning up his cars…I know, I am a TYRANT…) where he flails his arms, screams and runs full speed into his bedroom. I have no idea where he inherited these kind of ardent entrances and exits. This time, however, he tripped over his feet and made direct oral contact with a massive shelf.

I knew the minute he starting crying that this wasn’t any ordinary bump and bruise situation. That assumption was quickly verified when he looked up at me with blood spewing out of his mouth all over our kitchen floor. That’s the thing about mouth injuries in toddlers. Lots of blood + Lots of screaming = Bonafide Blood Sprinkler That Shall Not Cease.

Additionally, his two front teeth were not in their normal place.

I freaked the hell out.

I tried to stop the bleeding, called the dentist and hauled ass to her office.

I had all sorts of thoughts running through my head while driving to the office. Mainly, MY CHILD WILL HAVE NO FRONT TEETH. We might as well take up residence at a trailer park while donning matching mullets!

Now, a tooth being knocked out at any age is traumatic, but the thought is a little easier to swallow when the child is let’s say 5 or 6 and is expecting their permanent teeth to arrive within a year or two. Let me remind you, my child is three years old. We would be waiting for 3-4 years for his front permanent teeth to arrive. 3-4 YEARS IS A LONG TIME TO HAVE NO FRONT TEETH, PEOPLE.

I tweeted about it and received so many super helpful emails about pediatric partials, fake teeth and generalized “Oh girl, I’ve been there” responses. (Thank you, by the way.) When we met with Wito’s dentist, she made the executive decision not to pull the teeth. She explained that, although Wito’s roots had been 100% severed, toddler gums were extremely resilient and could tighten around the tooth and keep it in place indefinitely. It would be an uphill battle for us because Wito was a thumbsucker which couldn’t possibly help with the gums firming up, though. It would be a wait and see situation.

Well, I am happy to report that those (quite loose) teeth held on for 6 months. 6 months of thumb-sucking, 6 months of apple-biting, 6 months of crazed preschooler antics.

Pearly whites intact!

Until yesterday. Yesterday, one tooth tossed up the white flag. The Dangler, as we liked to call it. A quick trip to the dentist, some high-potency topical anesthetic and The Dangler was no longer.

Au Revior, Dangler.

Wito seems to be taking it well. Actually, I am too. What’s three years, really? (Uh, A REALLY LONG TIME, that’s what. Whatevs.)

Luckily for Wito, he had a very special visitor deliver a very special dollar bill while he snoozed last night.

Wito would like you all to know that he hopes to purchase a “toy and a drink” with his “one money.”

Rest in peace, Dangler.




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37 Weeks — The Name Remains a Mystery!

*While many of you guessed the middle name correctly, I must say that no one guessed MO’s first name in the comments, on Twitter or in the emails I received. BWAHAHAAAAA, it is a mystery of epic proportions! I HOLD THE POWER.

*My back labor has eased up substantially, which is good and bad. Good? Well, obviously, I feel better. Bad? Why in the hell did I pack my hospital bag? I mean, the baby is Never Going to ARRIIIIIIIIIVE. Let’s all feel sorry for me right now.

*We had a 37-week ultrasound yesterday and for a brief, fleeting moment, MO pulled her hands out of her mouth to show us her little profile. Wito was in the room with us and yelled, “It’s the Baby Bean show!!” (We also call her Baby Bean around the house. Whoorlita, MO, Baby Bean…we welcome confusion.) Here she is:

Annnnnd, hands back in mouth.

*I am having these massive energy spurts at 11pm while everyone else snoozes in our dark house. Last night, I poked around Wito’s room for a good 15 minutes while he slept until I realized I was being sort of creepy.

*We are in the thick of June Gloom out here, which is only making my antsy mood worse. Can’t sleep! Baby will never come! Restless legs! The world is ending!

Tell me something good. I am seriously funkafied right now.




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Bits

1. That whole tweaking my back thing? Well well well. Turns out it’s back labor and I have one well-deserving word in regards to that. FUCK.

2. It seems buying shoes that I won’t be able to wear for several months is the only remedy currently working for me. Hence, these.

(Thanks to Alice for the heads up.)

Couldn’t decide between the red stripe and navy stripe, but navy won over when I considered my regular TOMS are red. See! I am still capable of rational decision-making, even when the shooting pains in my lower back make me involuntarily jerk, gasp and weep!

3. Speaking of Alice, she is also quite a fan of Anthony Bourdain. (Can’t wait to read Medium Raw.) I adore his writing, so if you click on any link today, please click this one. I’m telling you, if you have a child who watches the Noggin Channel, this blog post of his will have you rolling on the floor. Bourdain wrote it last summer, but I am sure to revisit it once or twice a month. Genius.

4. You know how you tie a scarf by making a loop and pulling the ends through? And how sometimes it leaves a large clump that doesn’t lay flat across your chest? Check out this alternate way of tying that leaves the scarf hanging completely flat. Again, GENIUS.

5. Did I mention that I love scarves and wear them daily? I will be telling you more about this borderline obsession when I put together my All-Encompassing Maternity Wear post. It’s everything you need to look stylish and put together throughout the lovely gestational period. (And it really doesn’t involve too much!)

6. Finally, I will leave you with some Gilt purchases for little Whoorlita. (Whose official first and second initials are MO. Anyone care to take a guess? No one has nailed it yet!)

Seriously, ladies. If you aren’t shopping for your little ones on Gilt yet, YOU CRAZY.

All Egg by Susan Lazar




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