Hot Stuff

41

My mother and I took Wito on a couple of errands this morning. First up, Target, which launched my first completely insignificant tirade of the day. What is the point of having shopping cart return corrals (“corrals” doesn’t seem right, but very Oklahoman, yes?) if there aren’t any carts left outside in the corrals for people? As a mother of a squirmy toddler, I appreciate parking close to a cart station so I can plop him into the cart immediately, opposed to dragging his uncooperative ass from the parking lot into the store.

Sure, I understand that larger stores might occasionally employ a Type-A Do-Gooder that is ALL ABOUT perfecting his Shopping Cart Retrieval practices, but COME ON. However, as I was going on and on about my First World Problem of the Day, a live cow flew past my face at about 35 miles per hour. Moral of the story – Oklahoma is not only hot, but windier than a Derecho for at least 290 days out of the year. Targets of Oklahoma, I apologize. I understand why you don’t leave carts outside. Because they could violently impale innocent bystanders while rocketing through the parking lot.

After checking all of our errands off the list, we made a quick visit to my father’s company. I don’t usually make a point to stop by his office, and now the reason is abundantly clear.

cutoutus

OH MY GOD. Did any of you have the distinct pleasure of giving these photo cutout stands to a loved one in the late eighties? Oooh! Three dimensional! Like, all Back to the Future and stuff! Apparently, this was a Christmas gift to my father (hint: MY RED AND GREEN CHRISTMAS SOCKS) and hoo boy, what a gift from the heart. Where do I even begin? Look at me.

1. The bangs. I adore my make-the-top-layer-sideswept-while-the-bottom-layer-curls-perfectly-under bangs. Kind of like a rogue wave crashing into a family of small squid.

2. The sweater. Obviously a man’s XXL – cheesy mock turtleneck and huge, slouchy front pocket included. Good day, sir! I might be going through puberty, but you will never know!

3. The pants. Holy shit, THE PANTS. The pleats. The pinch-rolled bottoms. MY EYES, MY EYES!

4. However, good thing I pinch-rolled my pants so everyone could enjoy my holiday-themed socks. Feliz Navidad.

5. Top-Siders, dude. Nothing more needs to be said about that.

6. The casual lean on my sister. Hey sis! You can lean on me. You know, WHEN YOU’RE NOT STROOOONG, I’LL BE YOUR FRIEND, I’LL HELP YOU CARRY ON.

Speaking of my sister, Lala experienced a bit of a hellaciously awkward phase growing up. Of course, I can say this due to the fact that she is now BLINDINGLY GORGEOUS, but really. What exactly is going on with that ensemble? Does her striped sweatshirt depict the four seasons? Are her pants actually tucked INTO those pink graffiti high tops? And what about that stance? People, only a stance like that could imply, “Bitches, my sassy glasses devour my face and I LIKE IT.”

Oh! But it gets so much better!

cutoutme

Hi! I’m going to high school in the fall, but think it’s important to be photographed with my precious white teddy. I love my teddy. Here, watch me squeeze my teddy! Um, do my bangs look okay?

cutoutla

Hahaha! Look at me! I’m doing a handstand! But my hair stays intact! HOW DO I DO IT? Photo Cutout Stands are MAGICAL. It’s like I’m living in 2009 or something!

Ahhh, good times. I think I need a cocktail.




COMMENTS (41)

My Family is Weird

14

Wito and I arrived in the very balmy state of Oklahoma today. Like SEAR MY FACE OFF WITH A BLOW TORCH balmy. How I managed to endure summers here for 18 years is truly boggling.

And what does my family do to combat the heat? We sit around, drinking vodka tonics and wearing holiday reindeer accoutrements. In June. Whatevs.

dder

Tomorrow, we plan to re-stock the candy drawer. It’s business time.



COMMENTS (14)

Odds and Ends

28

1. I deflowered my 7-year-old virginal hair with highlights yesterday!

2. I am in love with a new, organic pressed powder. (It’s a DRUGSTORE brand, holla! I found it at Ulta, which upon walking into the store realized I had a $5 coupon back at my house so I turned around and drove back to the house just to get the damn coupon, most likely wasting that five dollars in gas. WHY DO I DO THESE THINGS? )

3. 5 days of hair product giveaways starting next Monday at Hair Thursday.

4. Because gross feet suck, 10 ways to beautify your toesies this summer.

5. As I mentioned on Twitter, I bought two more maxi dresses yesterday. Uh, I now own SEVEN maxi dresses. This needs to stop. (Are they really the new mom jean? TELL ME IT ISN’T SO. I think they are downright darling with the right accessories! I guess being tall helps too…what say you?)

6. I am BEYOND THRILLED to not have to write anything on the internet for two whole days.

7. Dude, it’s Friday! Enjoy your weekend!



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My New (Subtle!) Summer Color

35

Yesterday, after 7 long years of follicular virginity, I jumped back into the world of hair color. Highlights, to be exact.

Okay, the verb “jump” might be a little too strong…let’s just say I dipped my toe into the proverbial water.

I am happy with my natural hair color, but MAN, it gets tough browsing through photos every week while writing these makeover posts. I was craving a little change. So I requested a few auburn highlights from my stylist. Actually, I think my exact words were, “Subtle. SUBTLE. I SWEAR TO JEBUS IF YOU GO OVERBOARD I WILL HURT YOU.”

(I’m so glad she puts up with my slight anxiety when it comes to these matters.)

She told me not to worry and re-introduced me to my old friend, the foil.

And voilá! Shiny, VERY subtle auburn highlights!

Yay! Let the summer games begin!



COMMENTS (35)