I have a bone to pick with you, Target. First off, I would like you to know that I am a very nice person who enjoys giving the benefit of the doubt. You are a very popular store. I get it.

However, why must it be so difficult for you to keep my meager list of needed items in stock? Will the glorious day ever arrive when I can cross off 100% of the items on my shopping list before exiting your store? For instance, WHY OH GOD WHY is it so hard for you to keep Dove Sensitive Skin Face Cloths on your shelves? You have 3,000 Dove Moisturizing Face Cloths and 14,000 Dove Deep Clean Face Cloths sitting right there in front of my face, mocking me. All I need is ONE BOX of Sensitive Skin Cloths. WHHYYYYYYY?

Funny story, Target. Do you realize that the primary reason I started using Dove Sensitive Skin Face Cloths was because you couldn’t keep the Oil of Olay Sensitive Face Cloths on the shelves? So, after much trial and tribulation, I finally found a new brand that didn’t make my skin weep and always seemed to be in stock? But NOW, the Dove ones are always sold out? Do you know how this makes me feel, Target? It makes me feel very shaky. Isn’t that a funny story, Target? Not so much funny ha-ha, but funny stab stab STAB.

Same with deodorant. (Why is it so difficult for me to spell deodorant without spell check? Am I the only one?) I have long been a user of Secret Powder Fresh or “Protecting Powder” deodorant (p.s. – Secret, please stop changing the names. You are confusing me.), yet it has been virtually impossible to find on your shelves. I have spent many, many cumulative hours searching though the sea of Secret deodorants: Vanilla, Rockstar Rose, Tutti-Frutti, Wild Jasmine, Cherry Mischief (seriously, WHO wants their armpits to smell like fruit?), Truth or Pear, Sparkly Shit, WHATEVER. JUST GIVE ME MY OLD SCHOOL POWDER FRESH, PEEPS.

Yet, no dice. So, once again, I changed my personal preference to ensure an In Stock Status. Secret Unscented seemed to be the wise choice, considering there are usually 325 Unscented ones on your shelves at all times. Also, who knew that I would actually enjoy not making my armpits smell like a fabricated freshly-washed baby’s ass? It’s liberating, I tell you!

I bet you know where this is going, don’t you? Over the past couple of months, I can’t find a Secret Unscented to save my life.

Target, I’m beginning to think you are toying with me, knowing that I must visit you in order to buy all of my Method cleaning products. What’s a girl gotta do to get some health and beauty product love?

Sincerely,

Whoorl