The Universe Is Talking


It’s urging me to reconsider the title of “Hair Expert”.



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Several months ago, I received an email from Emily containing these photos. Emily explained that her hair was thick, wavy and she was itching to get rid of it. She was considering short hair and wanted to know if she could pull it off.


I put her on the list, and as her week approached, I sent an email asking if she needed to update her photo. She sent me this:


She emailed that she had since dyed her hair black and cut it herself. Her new bob wasn’t evenly cut and was prone to bedhead and unwanted flip.

First off, let me say that Emily has a beautiful face that could pull off any style. Her petite frame and large eyes remind me of Audrey Tatou. Looking at the initial photos, I agree that a short hairstyle would look great on her. It just seems that her lovely features are hidden by longer hair. Her updated photo is an improvement length-wise, but the color is too drastic.

First off, I would correct the color back to her natural medium/dark brown. The black is just too stark for her complexion. Secondly, PUT DOWN THE SCISSORS EMILY because the following options require a professional.


Both of these photos are of, you guessed it, Audrey Tatou. Good lord, I can’t express how much I love Option #1. It is such a darling cut, and would spotlight all of Emily’s beautiful features. Plus, there is virtually no styling that has to be done with this cut. Three to four minutes styling with her fingers and voilá! So. Cute.

That being said, if Emily doesn’t want to make the jump to a short hairstyle, Option #2 isn’t much shorter than her current length, but the addition of bangs would really accent Emily’s eyes and layers would intensify her natural wave.

What do you think?


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When I received a Hair Thursday request from my internet soul sister, I must admit to dramatically rolling my eyes alllllll the way to the very back of my eye sockets. C’mon. That hair needs help? The same hair that finally pushed me over the edge into bang territory?



However, I took a step back and reminded myself that even the luckiest bitches (with the SHINIEST HAIR EVER) get tired of their style once in awhile. So, in one of our 26 daily email conversations about lip gloss, I asked Metalia what she was looking for in a hairstyle, to which she replied, “I’m ready for a big change”.

That puts me in a pickle.

Did I mention that Metalia’s pregnant? That she’s getting ready to embark on baby #2 with a toddler thrown in for good measure?

Metalia, I adore you more than Haribo gummi bears, but I just CAN’T advocate a big change right now. First off, you need length for the all-important ponytails! Remember the nights of no sleep? SWEET JEBUS, YOU NEED THE PONYTAIL. (Plus, you possess the best ponytail bangs around. See above.) But most importantly, what about the hormones? I won’t be able to live with myself if you pull a Britney in the wee hours of the morning. Blood on my hands, man.

My official position is that Metalia needs to trim her hair a couple of inches, enjoy the hair vitality that comes with being preggers and we’ll revisit her big change when her precious baby is sleeping through the night.

In the meantime, here are some “big changes” to tide her over.


(Might I say that she ROCKS the Hillary Clinton style.)

Okay, okay. All kidding aside, this would be a great look.


Photo courtesy of Agostini.


Valentine’s has made me batshit crazy


I can’t stop writing about Valentine’s Day over at the scary place. Just in case you are looking for some last minute ideas, feel free to take a gander. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though.

Looking for a way to convey your hot, sexy love through food? Here you go.

Think Valentine’s Day is for wussy shitheads? You might like this.

Is Martha Stewart your idol? Knock yourself out.

Want to gain 10 pounds on Valentine’s? Have at it.

Is your loved one only worth a dollar? It’s too late, but you can look anyway.

Incidentally, I haven’t done one flippin’ thing for Valentine’s. Not even a CARD. So, um, CIAO.