2007 July | whoorl

Not Worth Noting, But Humor Me

July 20, 2007

1. This morning I ran 1.56 miles without stopping to walk. I have never in my life run 1.56 miles without stopping. I need to share this with you because, well, who else am I going to share it with, my mom? Here’s a little preview of that conversation.

Whoorl: Mom! I’m halfway to my goal of running 3 miles! I ran a mile and a half this morning with the jogging stroller!

Mom: That’s good! (click, click, click, click)

Whoorl: My new shoes are really helping out. My ankle feels much better.

Mom: Uh-huh. (click, click, click, click)

Whoorl: Although, yesterday it was giving me trouble…

Mom: Uh-huh. (click, click, click)

Whoorl: Um, I broke my back yesterday.

Mom: Uh-huh. (click, click, clickety click click)

Whoorl: And sold Wito into slavery.

Mom: Uh-huh. (click, click, click, click)

Whoorl: GODDAMN IT MOM, ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?! ARE YOU PLAYING ONLINE CANASTA AGAIN?!

Mom: Uh-huh. (click, click, click, click)

2. I’m pretty sure when you put glasses in the dishwasher, they are not supposed to come out looking like this:

How about a side-by-side comparison?

Something’s wrong with my dishwasher, yes?

3. I apologize to all the Anya lovers out there, but I couldn’t be more thrilled about her departure from last night’s So You Think You Can Dance episode. It’s just that, I don’t know, the outfits and the ballroom thing and dear Lord, the OUTFITS. The leopard-print and electric blue fringe and booby tassels!

Plus, when she “dances for her life”, I feel like she is just shaking her ass and moving across the stage with teensy-weensy staccato steps. I am aware she is at a disadvantage by not having a partner to dance with in her dance-offs, and I KNOW that I am completely clueless about ballroom and need to SHUT UP, but man! With everyone else performing giant leaps and pirouettes across the stage, it’s hard to be impressed by ballroom during the solos.

To make my point with D last night, I threw on some heels with my running shorts and performed my own Anya-type “Big Wheels Keep On Turning, Proud Mary Keeps On Burning” dance. I paused and re-played her performance and everything. I thought I did a fine job, but D didn’t seem to be very impressed. He just looked up at me and said, “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

Point well taken.

Why, Jell-O Pudding Pops? Why?

July 17, 2007

As I sat down yesterday afternoon, ready to crank out a post, I made the mistake of finding this piece from yesterday’s New York Times. Bye bye, Monday afternoon. Those comments sucked me in and didn’t let me go until late in the evening – evident from my healthy dinner of smokehouse almonds and a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.

It’s just that, Oh My God, where did all of my favorites go? Jell-O Pudding Pops – no longer. (What up, Mr. Cosby?!) The original Carnation Instant Breakfast Bars. The Motorola StarTac phone. Those little triangular side-vent windows in cars, allowing the perfect amount of breeze to circulate without messing up the hair! Gone! Like the Wind!

If you take the time to read through the thousands of comments, you’ll notice that the Honda CRX is greatly missed. I had no idea it was such a reliable, yet zippy, little car. I do know my high school Honda Prelude (with the cute flip-up headlights) was one of my favorites. Ahh, the good old days.

However, things took a turn for the worse. My sweet nostalgia turned into festering anger. What do you mean no more Tato Skins?! I LOVED those chips! Taco Bell-flavored Doritos? And Alphabits cereal?! HOW AM I GOING TO TEACH WITO THE ALPHABET?!

*googling Alphabits cereal*

Oh, I see. The commenters must have been mistaken. Feeling better.

Then, I saw another comment that shook me to the very core. Planters Cheez Balls. Oh, that can’t be…could it? No more Planters Cheez Balls?! In the round tin? No other puffed cheese product compares!

*googling Planters Cheez Balls*

It’s true. It’s true. You can’t even find them on eBay. (Not that I tried. Um, or anything.)

OHMYGODICAN’TLIVEWITHOUTTHECHEEZBALLGOODNESSICAN’TBREATHENOREALLYPANICKY PANICKYHELPSOSHELPSOS.

It’s a very sad day in the Whoorl household. Now, if we could have a moment of silence for my beloved Planters Cheez Balls.

New Hair Product Alert

July 13, 2007

It’s really pathetic how I could talk about products all day long. People, I am a Power Consumer.

Yesterday, my hair stylist introduced me to Kerastase’s new curly hair products. Now, I’ve read about Kerastase eleventy million times, but even I, the Power Consumer, refuse to pay $60.00 for shampoo and conditioner. She used the entire line on my hair yesterday, including the Oleo-Curl Definition Cream, and good Lord, my curls looked fabulous. Soft, bouncy and perfectly defined. She used a diffuser, but some of the other stylists told me it works just as well when air-drying (which is what this girl likes to hear).

I passed on the shampoo and conditioner, but caved on the definition cream. The smell alone sends me to the most happy place ever. I think you curly girls should try it.

All I know is that my curling iron is silently weeping in the drawer. It doesn’t look like he will see the daylight for many moons to come.

UPDATE: Okay, here’s a photo. My hair isn’t completely dry yet, but you get the picture. All I did was towel-dry, apply a quarter-sized dollop of the definition cream and air-dry. No tools involved.