2007 April | whoorl

The Beach Visit That Never Ended – Part One

April 25, 2007

Yesterday was a doozie and I have the sunburn to prove it. What started out as a brief beach visit with the crew turned into a 6-hour debacle complete with crying, 2 metal detectors, more blubbering, lots of digging by several helpful strangers, friendly lifeguard advice and surprise, more blubbering.

Ahhh, gotta love the beach.

I’m not a huge fan of the beach. Why oh why do we pay eleventy billion dollars to live by the beach, you ask? Good question.

Let me back up. I truly wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. I love the beauty of the beach- the blue ocean, the lapping waves, the green palm trees, everything. Everything but the sand. I detest sand. It’s just so messy and gritty and ATTACHES TO EVERY PART OF MY PALE ASS BODY. It even seeps under my toenails. MY TOENAILS!

I usually spend a lot of my beach time compulsively brushing sand off the blanket, which I promise you, is a losing battle. Yet, I continue to brush brush brush all the live long day. This behavior has to stop because guess what? Wito LOVES sand. Wito wants to lick and fondle the sand all day long. He grabs it by the handful and proceeds to evenly disperse it all over my freshly-brushed blanket. This behavior does not a happy mama make, but hey! I’m adaptive like that, and I’m dealing with the sand. It’s not the worst thing (except when it gets in your gum – that’s a deal breaker).

ENOUGH WITH THE SAND! Did I mention I hate sand? Jesus.

I really let loose yesterday. I actually REMOVED Wito from the stroller and let him roll around the sandy blanket. I know! Then I walked my pale ass down to the water and let him squeeze his sausage toes in the damp icky sand! Look! I KNOW! Crazy shit is going down around here! Coming soon – tandem skydiving!

Let me just say, Baby Bug and Wito are fast friends. Have a look for yourself.

Damn, Wito’s up. That’s all for now. Stay tuned for Part 2. You know, like sands through the hourglass and all that shit…

Performance Art 2007 Will Not Be Denied!

April 23, 2007

Lala just reminded me that her craft is not hindered by something as trivial as sobriety. She’s a performance artist of the highest magnitude, yo. (I am completely over the “yo” phenomenon, but I CAN’T STOP TYPING IT.) It is I, Duchess of Whoorl, who needs a leetle liquid courage from time to time.

And since the liquid courage will be a-flowin’, we just might attempt a video post while in Santa Fe. What this video entails, we do not know. Frankly, I find video blogs to be a bit creepy. I mean, a video. Of me. On the Interwebs! Creeps McGee. (Not to be confused with Crams McGee, which is entirely a different story. Does anyone else use that phrase? Just me? Ok then.)

However, after ingesting several tequila shots, creepy becomes slightly sketchy. Slightly sketchy turns to into no big deal and no big deal morphs into WE ARE SO FUCKING FUNNY! AND TALENTED! PEOPLE WILL LOVE US! WE’RE TAKING THIS ACT ON THE ROAD!

Does the idea of a poorly-made and possibly humiliating video titillate your senses? With hints of my drunken Oklahoma twang? Possibly singing and/or dancing? If I sense enough interest amongst my fellow users of the Interwebs (who else is loving 30 Rock?), we shall move forward with our plan. The caveat is I DECIDE how many comments equal “interest”, and unfortunately, visions of the hundreds of Crayola crayon comments from earlier this year are filling my head. P.S. – That entry was lost in the Great Whoorl Rebirth, but I remember…oh, I remember…

You do realize this is my insurance from actually having to DO this, right? I am not particularly fond of my video persona. (quivering in fear)

Most importantly, do you have any suggestions for our possible ground-breaking piece of history? If we end up utilizing your idea, I will send you a small token of my appreciation (coming from here).

Not to insinuate we are for sure doing this. That’s up to you guys. (OH HOW LAME IS THAT STATEMENT? COMMENT WHORE, COMMENT WHORE!)

Performance Art 2007 – Shut Down

April 19, 2007

There will be no von Whoorlie Family Performance Art this year during our annual Spring pilgrimage to Santa Fe. While my father and I might perform the infamous Endless Love duet, my mom and The Magnate might shake a tail feather to some Motown oldies, my sister Lala will not be part of the massive drink-a-thon because she done got knocked up.

Can you BELIEVE the audacity? Two years in row, the whoorlie sisters have put a stop to the performance art! No more Britney escapades, no more re-acquainting ourselves with NSYNC dance moves (via a VHS tape from 1994), no more karaoke…WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?!

This year, I will have the pleasure of joining the cool club, while Lala will be the lonely outcast, partaking in a lot of this.

Well, there’s always 2008.

Wito’s going to be a cousin! Congrats to Lala and The Magnate!