I just got back from Maternal Diagnostics where my amniotic fluid had dropped from a 5.86 to 5.73, but still above the dreaded 5.0 induction baseline. Thank goodness- I’m just not ready to be induced yet. The printout did show 4 contractions during the test, though.

Oh, and this weekend? The orders to rest and drink fluids? Yeah, that turned into a 9-hour car-shopping bonanza in Los Angeles yesterday. I KNOW! I’M STUPID! But we got a really pretty car! And I drank lots of water!

My next test will be on Thursday morning. Until then, fluids and bonbons on the couch. I PROMISE!

Whoorlito says Ciao!

In what can only be described as pure genius, I have solved Mystery Case Files: Huntsville and now possess the key to the city.

Too bad it’s only 9:00am on Friday and I still have PLENTY of time left until Monday morning.

Well, I guess I can always try to beat my previous time…

…and what’s up with these jackass weathermen repeatedly talking about the “cooldown” on the coast? Those lying sacks of shit said the high today was going to be 73 degrees. Newsflash, my outside thermometer reads 83 degrees at 9:24am in the shade. 9:24 AM PEOPLE! IT’S GOING TO BE AT LEAST 90 TODAY! I’M LOSING MY MIND! IT’S STILL HOT, HUMID and NO BREEZE!

ASSHOLES. It’a a good thing I don’t own a gun.

I’m back from my 38-week appointment which somehow morphed from an average 45-minute trip to a 4-hour jaunt to Maternal Diagnostics at my hospital.

Phew!

My physician noticed my uterine measurements were a little behind schedule for my due date (aha! – that might explain all of the “your belly is too small to be due that quickly!” comments). That coupled with a slight decrease in Whoorlito’s movements yesterday was all it took for me to be on my merry way over the the hospital. Honestly, I really wasn’t nervous at all- even my practictioner told me the testing was probably overkill, but better to be safe than sorry…

D and I checked into the center where they strapped all the fetal monitors across my belly, and Whoorlito was a champ. Heartrate was perfect, movements were all over the place, and they said everything looked great. They assured me that I had a very healthy baby and that I could go after they gave me a quick ultrasound measuring my amniotic fluid.

Yeah, it seems I don’t have a plethora of that. When they told me I had an Amniotic Fluid Index of 5.86, I said GREAT…wait, what does that mean? They informed me that anything 5.0 or below warranted an immediate trip to Labor and Delivery for an induction.

Excuse me? I was 0.86 somethings away from having a baby TODAY?!? Holy shit on a stick.

Anyway, I am now under orders to literally not do anything until Monday morning when I will be re-tested. That and drink 5,789 gallons of fluid a day. No errands, no leaving the house, etc. Basically, nothing that could make me sweat or lose fluids in the slightest. UM, I live in a town where the average July high temperature is 70 degrees, yet we have seen temperatures in the 90′s for over a week. UM, I don’t have air-conditioning. Walking from the bedroom to the bathroom makes me sweat. Thinking too hard about a subject makes me sweat. Hell, talking on the phone makes me sweat.

This is going to be tougher than I thought.

Plus, SAJ and I had plans to go shopping and zip around town in her super duper stealthy-mobile today! Damn!

If you need me, I will be tucked away in the bedroom with the window unit for the next three days. Party.

WAIT! How about some great news? Whoorlito is 6 pounds, 10 ounces and is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I watched him smile while trying to stuff his entire fist into his mouth repeatedly. That’s my boy.

Well, you would think I would be a posting fool due to my maternity leave and wicked organizational skills.

Sorry, Charlies. I have a new love in my life, and it’s called…wait, what’s it called…oh yeah…Mystery Case Files: Huntsville.

I love you Mystery Case Files: Huntsville. No more maternity leave boredom for me because I am solving crimes, yo. I came upon this earthly delight when I was playing The World Series of Pop Culture on VH1′s gaming website. Which, by the way, SERIOUSLY. I know the answer to every question on that show. I need to be on that show.

I could win that damn show hands-down, and I can’t believe Molly was this close to strutting her stuff in front of the cameras. MOLLY! WHY MUST WE LIVE ON OPPOSITE COASTS? WHY COULDN’T I BE ON YOUR TEAM? WE WOULD HAVE RULED THE POPOSPHERE!

Anyhoo, just gaming on the VH1 website last night (yeah, I’m now officially a “gamer” according to my husband…who most definitely HATES my involvement with Mystery Case Files: Huntsville), and I noticed this game. It’s like a timed Where’s Waldo and jigsaw puzzle combined. I am so in love- I even bought the full version for $19.99.

Check this out, I can’t really go into details because I am a full-on investigator and Huntsville needs me STAT, but this is the deal. You have to find certain items in a seriously-crowded room full of shit.

Here’s what a room looks like…

And another…

And basically, it’s keeping my Whoorlito impatience and boredom at bay. Not to mention, I’m a sleuth*, people. Do you know what that means? Yeah, well I don’t either. But I do know that there are 7 rankings below a sleuth. So um, basically, I’m an astonishing genius. I’m on FUEGO!

Who needs BlogHer when I’ve got the town of Huntsville counting on me?

Oh, so you don’t care so much about Huntsville? You’re just here for Whoorlito? Well, my next Whoorlito appointment is tomorrow morning. Updates will follow IF I can pull myself away from my detective duties. Peace.

*I’ve now been promoted to Shadow Master. How intriguing am I?