Ode To My Bitches



What a perfect weekend. My three very best friends, in the same place at the same time, bearing gifts for Whoorlito. What a rarity! We usually make it happen once a year, but it has become increasingly harder as we grow older and families expand. So as you can imagine, in my current sappy state, I nearly imploded with love.

However, first things first. To my fellow Mac users, have you played around with Photo Booth? Hours upon hours of entertainment, I tell ya. It’s a true miracle the four of us actually left the house.

Our weekend consisted of one day down in my hood and one day in LA, home to the fab Caroline. Saturday, the girls came down to my place with all sorts of goodies for Whoorlito, Prince of all Spoiled Children. He received books, toys, clothes, more clothes, and please feast your eyes on this beauty. Yes, the cutest Kate Spade diaper bag on the planet. Which, might I add, will go famously with the gift I just received from my parents. Ahhh, the infamous Bugaboo. The Stroller of Champions! The Stroller of Controversy! The stroller of which owners are constantly reminded that YOU COULD FEED A SMALL NATION OF CHILDREN WITH THAT PRICETAG. And yes, it used to bother me a bit. I would immediately launch into my memorized sales pitch, “Let me tell you about ALL the details of this stroller – it’s a bassinet AND a toddler stroller! It’s all the stroller you will ever need! Air-filled suspension tires! Precision handling! Mosquito nets! Rain covers!”

Now, I start and end the discussion with a brief, “To each his own, sonny”. Or maybe, “To each his own, you nosy assmunch with no life”. Usually, one of the two does it.

Besides the fabulous mini-shower, we walked around the beach, enjoyed the weather while eating outside at great restaurants and visited my favorite cupcake place (no line this time!). Of course, all of this wouldn’t be complete without plenty of juicy gossip and embarrassing stories of our past. We’ve definitely been through a lot together- weddings, births, deaths, several moves around the country and many boys.

I literally have boxes of photos featuring the four of us. As I perused these boxes recently, something became blatantly apparent. While many of photos from the the past years contain the four of us looking sweet and sober, most involve varying degrees of drunkenness.

Exhibit #1 – Sweet and Relatively Sober.


Exhibit #2- Drunk and/or Dazed.


And the Piece de Resistance. Dating back to 1988, it is where the roots of our friendship were planted. Two freshman high school girls looking hot with some serious perm action. My braces were pretty fresh, too.


Thanks for the past 18 years, princesses.