Coming Clean

42

Why do questions from strangers about your pregnancy follow the exact same pattern 85% of the time?

The Holy Trilogy of Pregnancy-Related Questions:

1) When are you due?
2) Is it a boy or a girl?
3) Have you picked a name?

These questions are usually followed with a couple of random tidbits about their own pregnancies with a possible hand movement towards the belly- of which I DENY with a quick fake sneeze. Hands off the belly, people.

Obviously, I have no issue with telling people the due date or gender, but the name game makes me a tad uncomfortable.

Here’s the deal. We have the name picked out and we absolutely love it, but are keeping it a secret. Why, you ask? Well, it’s like our own little special unveiling when the whoorlito is born. However, this approach REALLY confuses some people… especially the people I barely know. Isn’t it always the quasi-strangers or pseudo-acquaintances that pull this type of shit? I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “You KNOW the name, but you’re not TELLING anyone?” And they say these words with such utter confusion in their eyes. Um yes, that would be the situation jacko.

Based on those uncomfortable situations, I have chosen to completely lie regarding the name game. Because lying makes life easier, yes? Whoorlito, don’t say I never taught you anything. Everytime someone asks me if we have a name yet, I shrug my shoulders and tell them “Noooo, my husband and I can’t seem to agree on anything”. Yes, that’s right- I’ve been lying to you and you and you. And everytime, you lay off with the questions. Works like a charm.

Until this past month. The lying isn’t working anymore. Is a higher power trying to teach me an important lying lesson? Maybe because I’m in the home stretch, but strangers keep pressing and pressing, “Well do you have any options?”, “And what would those be?”, “What about family names?”, “You know, (insert name) is such a beautiful name. Don’t you think?”

OH SWEET JEBUS, leave me be! I’m not telling you anything! SHIT. Do you see the pain I’m causing myself with this lying? Long, drawn-out, “problem-solving” conversations to help me name my child who really already has a name, but I’m too much of a wimp to say “Yes, we have a name and we are keeping it a secret”.

Hi, I’m Whoorl, the people-pleaser. Nice to meet you.

So now, I guess I’ll have to tell the truth to keep from lengthy and pointless conversations about what to name my child.

I’m skeered.



COMMENTS (42)

Friday Fun

15

I stole this from All & Sundry. Well, I told her…is that truly stealing?

You should make one too.

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For the record, the jeans aren’t my favorite (is that a 1980’s tight roll?). Whatever, I still love this shit.



COMMENTS (15)

Disgustamundo

43

As you may have noticed, my Flickr photos are now private. Well, at least the ones with my belly, my face and my friends.

While I completely understand Flickr is an online public photo community, lately it has been acting a little more “MySpace” than “photo community” in my opinion.

Starting a few months back, I noticed a couple of strangers adding my belly photos to their favorites. Not a big deal, didn’t really pursue their intent, moving along. Not until I was added by a member called *iwannabewithaprego* (or something similar), did I put two and two together.

Ohhhhhh, I get it. Followed quickly with Ewwwww.

So I started my own little screening process. Whenever I received notification of a member adding me to their contacts, I would read their profile, look at their photos, and the kicker- look at their “favorite” photos from around the Flickr community. That’s usually where you find the good stuff. And of course, 90% of these people had tons of pregnant women’s photos (especially the breasts and bellies) saved. Plus, most of these members didn’t have any photos of their own on Flickr- obviously just seeking out photos of bellies.

Man, there are some lonely blokes out there.

I laughed it off, blocked their request and continued with my weekly belly posting. I guess these photos have been well-received considering some have over 2,000 views (huh? that in itself is bizarro). Well, in the past month or so, my “contact requests” have jumped from a few here and there to 20,30,40 and counting. And unfortunately, the majority are from members whose saved photos range from pregnant bellies to fully-dressed attractive girls to naked wanna-be-porn-stars to skanky hos getting it up the poop chute.

I shit you not. No pun intended. Poop chute photography.

Apparently, anal sex and pregnant bellies are like two peas in a pod! I don’t know whether I should feel complimented or violated that my bare belly evokes the same response as driving the Hershey highway. And the worst part, ya’ll, I mean the WORST PART was when I clicked on this one guy’s “favorite” photos, all I saw was a nappy-ass chick getting the poop chute serviced by the skinniest-thighed, palest little man I have ever seen. EWWWWWWWW! I could just envision “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake playing in the background. Probably on a cassette tape! EWWWWWWW! And the bedspread, don’t even get me started on the flammable polyester bedspread.

Hold me.

I know Flickr touts itself as an online sharing application, but c’mon people, no need to share that.

So, no more public bare belly photos for this chica. However, they are still available to my designated friends, so shoot me an email or leave a comment if you want me to add you to my “friends” list. I will certainly add you, given you pass my twelve background checks. Peace.



COMMENTS (43)

A Moral Issue

14

I try to keep this blog light and airy at all times- honestly, I don’t prefer to read people’s opinions on politics and so I extend the same courtesy to my readers. Instead, let’s talk about poop! Breastfeeding (I’m skeered)! Pregnancy-induced gas!

Well, I can’t do that today because the issue at hand isn’t just a political issue, it’s a MORAL issue. And how interesting that the first three stories on my morning news today were about forest fires in Arizona, flash flooding in Houston and unusually massive waves in my town.

I urge everyone, especially those with children or plans of future children, to see this movie.

And if the movie isn’t released in your area, take the time to look at this website. This isn’t a scientific fallacy. Read about the science. Learn how to take action.

And if you are still living in denial that the earth is not going to be a significantly different place to live in 50 years (YES! Just 50 years! Talk about skeered!), please take the time to look over this list. Each and every one of us can do something to protect our planet.

10things.jpg

And now back to your regularly scheduled pregnancy banter complete with bloating and dreams of cupcakes.



COMMENTS (14)