2006 May | whoorl

Just a couple of things…

May 24, 2006

I’ve learned during the trials and tribulations of being knocked up.*

1. People are generally way nicer to you. It took me a while longer than most to experience this rule firsthand due to the belly that refused to pop out for eons. But it’s here now, so please, dote on me if you wish.

2. I read somewhere that there are three times in a woman’s life when they have more “emotional difficulty” than usual- puberty, pregnancy and menopause. I couldn’t disagree more…these past 7 months have been very calming for me. Although I’ve had my moments, my anxiety levels have plummeted. Of course, this doesn’t mean that my feelings aren’t completely hurt that my husband STILL hasn’t used the Nikon D70 that I bought him for Christmas. It’s fine, honey. I’ll just go take a dip in the ocean…don’t mind these concrete blocks tied to my ankles.

3. Having a long torso is incredibly helpful when you are pregnant; however, this does not mean you should attempt trying on your size 2 business suits when you are 7 months along. Not necessary. Really.

4. Progesterone is my best friend. It is the hormone responsible for the slowing of the GI tract during pregnancy, which pisses most pregnant women off due to the whole constipation issue. However, being a woman on the complete other end of the spectrum, progesterone has made my GI tract behave normally. This means I can down half a bottle of Tapatio sauce and not end up racing to the nearest toilet like my pre-pregnancy days. I love me some Tapatio.

5. Bikini waxes hurt a trillion times more when you are pregnant.

6. What’s up with the slowing of the hair growth on my legs? Could I be dreaming? It’s a beautiful thing.

7. Naps are key. And to all the pregnant moms taking care of toddlers out there, you deserve a huge shiny trophy and a trip to the Bahamas. I don’t know how you do it ’cause this gal is TI. RED.

8. The gestational diabetes test sucks donkey balls.

9. There is no need to worry about my J. Crew addiction screeching to a halt due to lack of maternity wear. I can still buy these and these and this and this. Oh, and whoorlito, I know it will be a couple of years, but have you seen this?

10. Chocolate milk, you complete me.

*specific to my own experience, of course.

No May Gray Today

May 22, 2006

The clouds have parted and our bougainvillea is beginning to bloom!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the beach…

or to take a nap in my bed (which sounds so lovely right now).

Whoorlito Update – The Third Trimester is Here

May 17, 2006

Well, I can’t believe I am 7 months pregnant. Time is moving at warp speed these days- in less than three months, I am going to have a baby boy! A very active baby boy at that, given the amount of time he spends kicking the shit out of me. I received a sheet from my OB regarding fetal kick count, and it mentioned making sure the baby is kicking 10 times in a 2-hour period. It also mentioned noticing these counts in the morning and before bed, which is the baby’s most active time. Well, according to Whoorlito, all hours of the day are his “most active times”. In fact, in the time it has taken me to type this paragraph, he has groped/jabbed my placenta like a punching bag/kicked a dent in my lungs repeatedly. Good times.

Not that I’m complaining. Even though it can be a tad uncomfortable, especially around the rib cage area (could you maybe relocate your legs? thanks. love, mom), I love every movement he makes. Partly because I have become a weepy pile of pregnant mush, but mainly because it makes me think of the infamous scene in Alien when the alien bursts out of the stomach. And dude, that’s fucking wicked.

Whoorlito is now approximately 15 inches long, weighs over 2 pounds, should have a full head of hair and is secretly plotting my demise into parenthood. So clever.

As for me, I feel great (except the backache), am sleeping well (except for when my back pain interferes), am generally really enjoying pregnancy (except for my back- did I mention my back?) and am repeatedly told that YOU DON’T LOOK 7 MONTHS PREGNANT, HOW CAN YOU BE 7 MONTHS PREGNANT, ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW YOUR DUE DATE, I THINK YOU ARE CONFUSED ON THE DATES. Those comments should make me feel great, right? Yes and no.

It reminds me of a little tale from months back. I was out to dinner with my sister and one of her co-workers who was 7 months pregnant. She did not “look” 7 months pregnant…she had a tiny basketball belly and looked great. So, I told her. After dinner, my sister told me she was slightly offended (maybe “offended” is too strong of a word- “annoyed” would be better) that I, and others, had told her that. My first thought was “Poor, sweet pregnant girl”.

Ok, ok. That wasn’t my first thought. It probably was more along the lines of “What a BEAAATCH! Sweet Jebus, take a fucking compliment, WHORE.”

But now I can honestly say I sympathize with her line of thinking. Sometimes, it sounds less like a compliment and more like “you must be doing something wrong”. Or maybe it’s just my preggers brain. Whatever.

And please don’t get me wrong. I much prefer hearing these kind of statements opposed to something like “Holy Hell, shouldn’t that kid be making his entrance soon?”

But in the interests of my doubters, I present my 7-month belly with a lovely side-by-side comparison of 4 months back. I even put on the same pants, which very possibly cut off all blood supply to the baby in the most recent photo.

SEE, DOUBTERS! There is a baby in there, and it’s COLOSSAL.

At least to me.