Perfect LA Day – Part Two


…is still forthcoming.

The job has been a tad demanding today. The same goes for tomorrow. Please contain your all-consuming anticipation.


Perfect LA Day – Part One


I spent yesterday in Los Angeles with my fabulous friend Caroline. Don’t we look primed and ready for a day of shopping? The weather could not have been more beautiful- sunny skies, not a trace of smog and perfectly warm temperatures. Of course, days like these always remind me how absolutely spoiled Southern Californians can be. As we got into her car, I heard myself complaining, “Duuuude, turn on the AC. It’s burning up in here!!”

It was 72 degrees outside with no humidity. Will someone please give the girl a cookie to shut her ass up?

We were on a mission, though. I had my perfectly constructed list of maternity and baby boutiques to visit, in search of the perfect outfit for my upcoming shower in two weeks. Before leaving yesterday morning, I had to repeat my mantra 5 times out loud in my home.

Cute shower outfit. NO more expensive maternity jeans and funky tops.

Cute shower outfit. NO more expensive maternity jeans and funky tops.

Cute shower outfit. NO more expensive maternity jeans and funky tops.

Cute shower outfit. NO more expensive maternity jeans and funky tops.

Cute shower outfit. NO more expensive maternity jeans and funky tops.

Ok, I was ready to go. First off, we had to grab some grub to prepare our bodies. I had an excellent tarragon chicken salad sandwich at Joan’s on Third because a girl needs her protein, no? Yummy.

Then we were off to NOM, where visions of colorful kimono tops suitable for baby showers filled my head. As I walked into the store, I felt myself veering towards the jeans. It was like the gravitational pull was too strong- oh shit, it was starting. Step away from the jeans. STEP AWAY FROM THE JEANS! OH MY GOD, SAY THE MANTRA. REPEAT THE MANTRA!! WHY ISN’T THE MANTRA WORKING!!

I proceeded to spend upwards of 45 minutes trying on jeans, and left the store with the most darling pair of jeans ever. Darling shower outfit? Um, not so much.

Shower Outfit – 0
Designer Maternity Jeans and Funky Tops – 1

I think this would be a good point to rationalize to you why it’s OK that I now have three pairs of designer maternity jeans.

1) I wear jeans all of the time.
2) I live in Southern California- everyone wears jeans all of the time.
3) You can eat at the fanciest restaurants in Orange County wearing jeans (and most women do).
4) Jeans rock.
5) Yes, I have spent a healthy amount of money on maternity clothes (as I was so politely informed in some past comments). However, in my defense, I pay my credit card off in full, deposit money into my 401k AND an additional savings account every month. I don’t want to hear it, your honor.

Ahhh, moving along.

Then it was time for the baby boutiques. Very cute, lots of fun stuff, but I kept it together. Apparently, my other mantra (DO NOT BUY BABY STUFF. YOU HAVE A SHOWER IN TWO WEEKS) worked very well throughout the day. As we were walking back to the car, Caroline wanted me to check out a non-maternity boutique. Hey, no problem! I can’t purchase things here…oh, how cute is that top?

Annnnd, commence gravitational pull towards cute funky tops.

Who knew that I could buy non-maternity? Just go up one or two sizes. What seems to be the most simple and basic knowledge had escaped me the past 5 1/2 months. Shocker.

Shower Outfit – 0
Designer Maternity Jeans and Funky Tops – 3

Oh well.

Stay tuned for stories of a 35-minute wait for cupcakes (which was so worth it by the way AND turned out to be free due to some clever bargaining with a 75-year old man on my part), celeb sightings and gratuitous photos of cupcakes. Oh, the fun to be had.




Kenny Rogers?

SERIOUSLY. Kenny Rogers?

Who comes up with the “star” appearances on American Idol? Is it because the producers are British? Is Kenny Rogers popular in England?

I’m perplexed.


Whoorlito Update – Week 23


I just returned from my ultrasound where Whoorlito put on quite a show for his mom and dad. Playing air drums, kicking his legs and displaying quite a large scrotum for all the world to see. As my father, the illustrious Bishop Stu Tu commented, “That kid is HUNG!”

But I was most excited to learn that my Placenta Previa has appeared to correct itself. Which means no more restrictions for me! No more exercise-bans, no more pelvic rest (D is jumping for joy) and most importantly, no more worries for my upcoming 2-week trip to Santa Fe, Oklahoma City and Dallas.

Talk about some weight lifted off my shoulders…

Here are the newest ultrasounds for your viewing pleasure.

Will you look at the cute nose?


He was seriously air-drumming at this point. Little arms flailing about with great vigor.


It’s Scrotum City, Sweetheart.