32 ounces of water and prunes for breakfast. Who wants to be me?
**DISCLAIMER – If you aren’t interested in the upcoming college basketball slice of heaven, or sports in general, please move along. Also, you SUCK and should get your ass kicked.**
**DISCLAIMER #2 – I might be experiencing extremely elevated pregnancy hormones at the moment.**
If you are a regular reader of this blog, you already know I love sports. But did you know it’s the one thing that causes me to be completely discriminatory and bitchy? Oh yeah. When I receive comments such as, “Gee, you and my husband would get along famously because I just don’t get the whole sports thing!â€ I don’t laugh and shrug my shoulders. I yell profanities at my computer and make fun of you for at least 5 minutes with my husband.
But really, I’m a nice girl! Don’t leave! You’re leaving aren’t you? Well, fuck you. I mean, I like your hair! It’s the pregnancy hormones, I swear!
Back to my point- I can feel it. The anticipation building in my stomach for the past few days (whoorlito, is that you?). And in less than 5 hours, I will have my beloved NCAA tourney bracket to study and covet for the next month. I would frame it, like the amazing work of art it is, but no golden-gilded frame could do it justice. March Madness is immeasurably wonderful in my book. The close games, the overtime, the school spirit, I love it all. Even Dick Vitale’s enthusiastic voice makes a regular appearance in my dreams. This is in contrast to the dream I had last night in which my co-worker sold me into white slavery. We clearly need to have a “chat” when I see him next week. Ahem.
It really is no wonder that my closest girlfriends love college basketball and sports in general. I don’t think I could carry on conversations with people during March that didn’t include statements like “Did you see the winning three-point shot last night? DAMN!” These ladies are crucial to my sanity considering I live in Southern California, the land of non-sports fans. Case in Point- a certain anonymous person with the initials SAJ* (oops, is that too much information?) made an unannounced visit to my home during the Super Bowl. The SUPER BOWL, people. That is utter blasphemy where I come from, but hey, it’s Southern California. It’s all about oceans and beaches and natural beauty. The Super Bowl? What’s that?
It’s hard to describe my feelings regarding the differences between sports fans and non-sports fans. I guess it rivals the whole Mac/PC issue- we can all live in harmony, but do we really understand each other? I think not. I’ve attempted to determine the major reasons why people gravitate towards sports, and have come up with my foolproof checklist. If all three describe you and you still hate sports, you are an alien mutation (and I would like to know what “major university” you attended).
1) Grew up in the South
2) Raised by sports fans
3) Attended a major university with a good sports program
Now that I have effectively alienated 80% of my readers, I feel comfortable enjoying the rest my Sunday. It’s time for the Duke/Boston College ACC Championship followed by my Alma Mater and Texas fighting it out in the Big 12 Championship. Go Jayhawks!
*SAJ- I forgive you only because you were raised in California and I got to see Baby Bug. ;)
**I would like to point out for the record; I am in no way a tomboy. I could literally talk about lip gloss for hours- right, Stacy? It IS possible to love purses, cosmetics, shoes AND sports.
It must be the end of the world because it is HAILING OUTSIDE, y’all.
I know, I know…what’s the big deal? Hail Smail. And trust me, growing up in Oklahoma, I’m all too familiar with lovely hailstorms. BUT PEOPLE, I am 5 minutes from the ocean. This shit does not happen around here. All of my neighbors are looking around in utter bewilderment…this is definitely as close as we get to snow.
Screw the snow angels. Hail angels, here I come! WOOT!