In Honor of St. Patrick’s Day

9

You Are Teal Green


You are a one of a kind, original person. There’s no one even close to being like you.
Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible.
While you are a bit offbeat, you don’t scare people away with your quirks.
Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

You Are Guinness


You know beer well, and you’ll only drink the best beers in the world.
Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them.
When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all – especially about subjects you don’t know well.
But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around.

Your Irish Name Is…


Aislin Boyle



COMMENTS (9)

When The Cat’s Away

10

Mr. Vegetarian Husband won’t be eating dinner with me, which means…

inoutburger.jpg

AND I might even get a shake. Woot!

UPDATE: I would like to point out how pitiful I am…just counting the minutes until dinner.

HOW CAN IT ONLY BE 4:30?!



COMMENTS (10)

It’s Official

14

Unless colleagues would like to sneak a peek at my skin-colored seamless bra, the non-maternity shirts will now be packed away for the remainder of this pregnancy.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I must find something else to wear to work.



COMMENTS (14)

Purple Haze

20

Remember long, hot summer days at the pool as a kid? Playing Marco Polo or Jump/Dive off the diving board? My personal favorite was the Olympic diving re-enactments…slowly walking to the edge of the board, making the proper wave to the American fans and executing the perfect jack-knife.

After all the diving and games, you would be famished so Susie’s mom would bring out hot dogs, lemonade and potato chips for the group. YUM. After eating and waiting the proper time before re-entering the pool (cramps, people, CRAMPS), you would jump in, only to realize that familiar sensation sneaking up on you. Tinkle town was calling. And then you would ask yourself the burning question,

Did Susie’s mom and dad put the scary pee chemical in the pool?

You know the one- the chemical that supposedly turns urine red so that all can see and mock appropriately. I never actually saw this chemical in action; in fact, I now wonder if it was an urban (or suburban) myth. But boy was I scared of freaky-red-pee situation.

You’re probably wondering why in the hell I’ve been thinking about this. Well, last night while sitting on the couch farting my brains out (oh shut up, I’m fucking pregnant and prunes are lethal), I thought, “what if they made a fart chemical that surrounded the farter’s body with a certain color?” Kind of like an aura, but smelly. I can envision it now, walking around the city, people everywhere surrounded by colors. A simulated acid trip. This invention could change the way the public views farting in general- it’s not just stinky, it’s an art! And if you could choose, what color would you be? Green? Purple Haze? Is this what Jimi was singing about?

I’ll tell you one thing, if this pregnancy gas doesn’t subside, I’m going to have a veritable rainbow coming out of my ass really soon.



COMMENTS (20)