The Whoorl household does not eat fast food. Why, you ask? Maybe because D is a vegetarian or my issues with germy people preparing my food. Who knows, we just don’t.

But I just devoured an entire Double-Double and fries from In-N-Out burger and it was damn good. Much to the chagrin of my vegetarian husband, my baby likes BEEF! In the form of double-double cheeseburgers!

Sorry, peeps. I have nothing to write about that would interest anyone in the least.

Unless you want to hear about the dangers of listeria because DAMN, I could fill you in for hours. and hours. and hours. Ask my husband.

The dilemma of whether or not to eat deli meat during pregnancy. That’s the crisis du jour over here. And what if I already did? And the listeria monoctyogenes are coursing through my body? Oh shit. Are pregnant women really NOT allowed to eat deli turkey during their entire pregnancy?

I have only bought two books about pregnancy, The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy and The Pregnancy Journal. That’s enough for me. Girlfriends Guide is cute, but I get really distracted and bored after about 5 minutes. I’m just the type of person that wants answers to what is plaguing me at the moment; I don’t really care to read about things that aren’t happening to me personally. Mainly, because a) um, they aren’t happening to me and b) sometimes my scary hypochondriac mind starts to think that maybe those things ARE happening to me. And that is not good. Not to mention counter-productive.

So, I have really enjoyed The Pregnancy Journal. Essentially, it is a day-to-day guide and journal for ladies with buns in the oven. I really appreciate the concise daily information about the growth of my baby and what it means to me. For instance, yesterday’s blurb was:

The hard, bony part of the baby’s palate is now completely formed. The bony plate divides the mouth from the nose and makes it possible for your baby to eat and breathe simultaneously. The muscles in the walls of the digestive tract have become functional and are beginning to practice the contractions they will make when they have food to digest. Your baby’s growth rate has slowed somewhat. It has doubled its weight in the last week to almost 1/2 ounce; its length has increased to 2 1/2 inches.

This type of information is perfect for me, plus it’s coupled with interesting food facts and health information. So, yeah, I really like this book.

This morning, I opened it up with a little more excitement than usual because today marks the first day of my second trimester. Woohoo! I had a feeling today’s blurb might be a little special.

Instead, I read something about kidney nephrons and this:

Take care to wear comfortable clothes that don’t restrict movement or inadvertently cut off your circulation. If you are not quite ready to wear maternity clothing yet, select transitional styles, such as loose sweaters and stretch leggings.

STRETCH leggings? Stretch LEGGINGS? Why in the hell would I want to wear stretch leggings? Just those words conjur up visions of big hair, Ray Ban Wayfarers and bright fuschia stirrup pants (with white socks underneath the stirrups and tan huaraches). I’m already feeling poochy and fat considering I’m in the “in-between” phase (or the “ass-ugly” phase, as I prefer to call it). I’m not so sure stretch leggings and an oversized sweater are going to boost my self-confidence right now.

Who is this author? More importantly, when was this book written? I checked the info, and it was published in 1996! And revised in 2005! Were stretch leggings acceptable in 1996? Let’s see, I was graduating from college that year, and the answer is a resounding NO. I was watching movies like Fargo, Jerry Maguire and the English Patient. I was listening to Beck Odelay and Boys for Pele by Tori Amos. And, OK FINE, I was listening to Gangsta’s Paradise by Coolio. Whatever.

My point (and I do have one) is that stretch leggings were not appropriate in 1996 nor in 2006. And especially not appropriate for pregnant women EVER.

PREGNANT WOMEN OF THE WORLD, UNITE!