Adding A New Title To My Repertoire

My sister’s first baby will be making an appearance very soon! She’s in labor!

Auntie Whoorl has a lovely ring to it, yes?

The Birthday Boy

Wito experienced a 5-day birthday bonanza complete with 2 parties and grandparental coddling beyond belief. The child was spoiled ROTTEN- trust me, I’m still paying for it 6 days later.

Our typical day since we’ve been back home:

“Mamamamammaaaaa, mamamamaamaa. MAMAAMAMAAAAAAAAAAAAA.”

He wants to be picked up, he wants down, no wait, he wants up, DAMMIT, HE WANTS DOWN. GAH. WHY CAN’T YOU READ MY MIND, WOMAN?

“Mamamamamaaaaaaaaaaaa.”

Thanks, mom and dad. Really.

I guess I’ll let them off the hook considering they hosted the greatest 1st birthday bash ever. Great food, people, and the Trinity of Sweets - cake, cupcakes AND cookies. Oh, and wine. LOTS of wine - 6 hours of wine consumption, to be exact.

First birthday parties usually don’t involve a terribly high level of alcohol consumption, but my parents were also hosting Blogher 2.0, Oklahoma-Style. I can’t tell you how surreal it was to open my parents’ front door and see Heather, Susan and Shana looking back at me. (Well, not so much Shana Banana. We’ve had our fair share of Okie vino.) All three were just lovely, especially standing in the midst of many, many strangers. I’m sure my mother put Heather at ease when she exclaimed, “Of course I know you! You’re from the Dunkin’ Donuts video!” However, the deal was sealed when they kept completely straight faces as I explained to my inlaws how we all met at a scrapbooking convention in Reno. It was true love from that point on.

The four of us laughed and sipped (okay, more like gulped) wine long after the last birthday guests trickled out of the door. 6 hours later, and less than 9 hours until Heather’s flight, we said our goodbyes. Such fun, those ladies!

Let’s get back to the man at hand, shall we? He had so much fun seeing all of his relatives and Okie friends. The best part was his birthday cake celebration - he just sat there staring at it for several minutes until my sister coaxed him into licking a little bit of icing. Then, it was ON. The boy ingested sinful amounts of frosting, but promptly gagged (in an extremely dramatic fashion, imagine that) when he tasted the actual chocolate cake. We’ll have to discuss that later, Wito.

I am still shocked that he didn’t experience much of a sugar high or have tummy troubles. What a little man.

A couple of days later, my aunts hosted a Sip-n-See party for 70 of my mother’s closest friends. These 2 photos tell the story better than I ever could.

Pssst. See those ladies over there? They are trying to hug me. They sure smell nice, but don’t they know I need my space? If you need me, I’ll be trying to escape out the window.

Dear God, when will this be OVER? I’M NOT A PUPPET, PEOPLE.

All in all, we had such a great time with all of our friends and family in Oklahoma. It’s hard to believe that Wito has graced us with his presence for an entire year. I truly can’t wait for all of the adventures to come.

You’ve come a long way, Wito. I love you more than you’ll ever know.

Oh, and I will never tire of hearing you say, “Mamamama”. Even if it is the 412th time that day.

Another Profound Weekend

This might become a regular series - our weekend conversations are deteriorating by the minute.

I’ve recently started running again and my right ankle and hip have been giving me trouble. As I was lying on the floor, trying to remember the exercises my former physical therapist taught me, I mentioned how cool it would be if D was a physical therapist. Free therapy and adjustments for life!

He looked up from his magazine and without missing a beat, said, “It would be even cooler if you were a hooker for free.”

The Best and Worst Day of My Life

When I stopped working in January, we decided to keep our nanny, Amy, for one half-day a week. Wito loved her, we loved her, and I especially loved the thought of having four hours to myself every Thursday. Pedicures! Shopping! The Beach!

Well, it turns out that Amy Day usually consists of me visiting the Holy Trinity of Motherhood - Target, Costco and the grocery store. Fun. And y’all, I have a confession to make. I hate Target. To me, it’s just an huge room full of crap. I know! How could I think such a thing?! People LOVE Target! The knick knacks! And fake leather stuff! Cheaply-made frames! Cheesy greeting cards! I’m sorry. HATE.

Luckily, I park right next to the door where the toiletries and kitchen supply stuff are located and it’s a race against the clock from start to finish. Lotion, toothpaste, Q-tips, Ziploc bags, Daisy razors, shaving cream. Check, check and check. If there were a Supermarket Sweep - Target Toiletries Edition, I would be world champion.

Costco gives me mild-to-moderate claustrophobia. The crowds, the gigantic carts, 67-pound jars of jelly beans that I want to dive into, etc. Luckily, I only buy Wito’s formula and baby food and I’m gone.

Technically, these errands shouldn’t take too long, but considering we live in a beach community, I am forced to get on the 405 highway (the collective groan from my Southern California readers is deafening), and drive to 2 separate cities to visit these frightening places. It’s like driving to the DMV every Thursday - the journey is usually just as shitty as the destination.

A couple of days ago, I was traveling down a major street relatively close to my home (405 - not involved, yo), when I noticed tons of construction at an upcoming intersection. I craned my neck to get a look while passing by and saw the words COSTCO - NOW OPEN. Could it be?! A Costco within 15 minutes of my home?

I immediately called D, who was attending a swanky lunch with clients in Los Angeles.

“Honey! Guess what! There’s a new COSTCO! So much closer to us! I don’t have to deal with the shitty 405! YAY! YAY! YAY!”

“Wow. Good for you, hon. I’ve gotta go now. With clients, you know.”

“I know. I’m so sorry to bug, it’s just really exciting! Bye!”

Wito and I had an hour to kill, so we maneuvered a U-turn, and made our way back to the new COSTCO, NOW OPEN! And it was a beauty. No people, no lines, the newness of it all. I knew it wouldn’t last, so we took a collective inhale, browsed the 96-packs of granola bars, and enjoyed the leisurely pace.

As we left with our cardboard box of goodies, I noticed another new building in the same lot at the other end of the new construction. I backed up the cart, squinted my eyes and there it was in big red letters. SUPER TARGET. Is this a dream?! A Target! Next to the Costco! With no highways involved?

And guess what. It didn’t end there. A new Whole Foods was on the other side.

The Holy Trinity of Motherhood was complete. And I was Moses.

I called D again.

(breathless from the mental frenzy) “D! D! OH MY GOD! A WHOLE FOODS, TARGET AND COSTCO ALL HERE! I AM COMPLETE! I AM FUCKING COMPLEEEEEEEEETE!”

(silence)

“HELLO?”

“Um. Are you listening to yourself? What has happened to you, love? ”

“HUH?”

“Let me get this straight. You are about to pass out from sheer elation because you found a new suburban strip mall complete with stores you hate?”

“YES!”

Sweet Jebus, people. I need help.

UPDATE: In my mentally-frenzied state, I made a mistake. It is a new Target, not Super Target. My bad.

Foiled!

We still haven’t attempted our first single, “Cinnamon Stix”. It’s a beautiful song, reminiscent of our last visit to Santa Fe when Bishop Stu Tu compared the results of a trip to the bathroom with the consistency of the aforementioned. Did I mention the Whoorl family loves the poop talk? Oh well, I’m sure the 3 of you wanting a video won’t be too crushed.

4 out of 6 of us are sick with colds, including Wito who hasn’t experienced even a sniffle in the past 9 months. I’m on high alert over here, trying my hardest not to get sucked into the new mom tailspin. He doesn’t have a fever, just copious amounts of snot and generalized crank ass. Total bummer.

Any baby cold tips (high altitudes included) would be greatly appreciated!

Humming Burritas

Here is the album art for our upcoming single release.

The big question: What should we name our band?

Quiet On The Homefront

Thanks for all of the well wishes regarding Operation: Ring Retrieval. What a crazy day!

I’ve already decided that Operation: Arnie Lifeguard is next. When I return from my vacation, I will make it my personal mission to track down Mr. Orange Cone White Teeth and snap a photo for you all.

In the meantime, I will be enjoying time* and relaxing** with my family.

Have a great weekend!

* drinking heavily
** passed out

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