On the Next Episode of Hoarders

While helping to empty out her husband’s storage unit, a wife makes the startling realization of just HOW MUCH mid-century furniture, accessories, objects and art he has been “collecting” over the past several years.

The perpetrator unloading the third of eleventy million cartloads.

My New Disorder

I have recently diagnosed myself with IADD. Internet Attention Deficit Disorder. The internet has turned my brain into a huge cataclysm of MORE INFORMATION NEED MORE INFORMATION NOW NOW NOW. I can’t just watch television. I can’t just listen to music. I can’t do anything for more than thirty minutes without compulsively lifting my laptop screen to check my email or write a Hair Thursday post or google the nearest self-serve yogurt place or visit my favorite blogs or search YouTube for videos of how to poach an egg or map out my next jogging route or buy cute shoes at Piperlime or check Twitter. What would happen if I suddenly lost all access to the internet? I WOULD SURELY CEASE TO EXIST, YO.

I can barely get through a television program anymore. The only ones that completely capture my attention are Mad Men, So You Think You Dance, Top Chef and Project Runway. All the rest are just so booooring with the talk talk talk and the fast-forwarding of the commercials and OH MY GOD I COULD TOTALLY LOOK UP THE 7-DAY WEATHER FORECAST FOR BOLIVIA RIGHT NOW.

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What was I saying again?

Oh yeah, IADD. Thank the lord I have a child that can’t stand being inside during the day. If Wito didn’t keep me on my toes with playdates, errands and Gymboree classes, I swear I would be locked in a dark room subsisting on Trader Joe’s Pita Crisps and the glow of my laptop.

So! I’m trying to cut back my computer usage during the evenings while I’m doing…you know…things that you do when you are not using the computer. Like watching television programs? Is that what the people are doing these days?

Since I now have the attention span of a gnat, I’ve created my own fun game called Create Odd Facial Expressions By Pausing The Television In Order To Keep From Absolute IADD-Induced Boredom. (No, I am not kidding. I joyfully entertain myself with this game on a regular basis.) However, this isn’t a game for novices, people. You have to possess a lightning-fast reaction time. Your neurons need to be FIRING. No dilly-dallying.

Last night, I outdid myself. Look at this facial expression.

Cat Deeley, you have never looked so good. MWAHAAAAAAAAA.

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What was I saying again?

The Straw Issues

Hey, I’m guest posting over at Sweetney’s fabulous digs!

ABOUT WITO AND THE GODDAMN STRAW.

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