Blame Ramón

This song is sung to the melody of Tyrone by Erykah Badu.

If you have never heard of this song:

1) Watch the video and please familiarize yourself. Feel free to follow along.
2) We obviously have NOTHING in common.
3) I might need to re-evaluate our friendship.

I’m getting tired of his shit
My fingers are really hurtin’
See every time I pull him out
I gotta play lame ass chords on Ramón
See why can’t I play a damn D, sometimes
See I’ve been practicing all day
For a long time
I just want it to be
So easy
Like it needs to be, baby
But he must like to kick my ass
I think I’m gonna crap

I think ya better blame Ramón
(Blame him)

And tell him come on, help Whoorl learn her shit (come on, come on)

You need to blame Ramón
(Blame him)

And tell him I said come on

Now every time I have a chance to write a post
He comes beckoning with sweet promises of most
Oh, well hold up
Listen Ramón
I have shit to do
Cause Miss Whoorlie is always dealin’ with poo
And you know it’s true

Every time I try to play
I gotta turn the DVD on
To keep Wito engaged and not let him stray
While I practice the day away

Wito thinks Rachel is his mom
Because she’s da bomb
I must remain calm
Guitaraddiction dot com

I like you
But I must tell you the truth
Ramón wants to give
the internet da boot

So, you better blame Ramón
(Blame him)

And tell him come on, help Whoorl learn her shit (come on, come on)

You need to blame Ramón (OHEEEOHEEEOONNN)
(Blame him)

Hold on…but he sure is some fun

Introducing…

Ramón Alejandro Django. (Django is pronounced “Jango”. Also, RAD for short.)

He’s a total sadist and I can’t feel my fingers. I hate him.

The end.

Emails, Scheeemails

It has come to my attention that my snot-nosed punk email address has left my cheese out in the wind. If you have sent me an email during the past 3 days regarding Hair Thursdays, life in general or how much you adore me, I haven’t received it. (Which is truly a shame. Especially if you wanted to tell me how I’ve made the world a better place.)

However, if you sent me a very mean email, I somehow DID receive those. No need to send again! Thanks!

As for Hair Thursday submissions, some people have voiced concern about being the “MIA participants” I mentioned last week. Right now, the participants being featured are people who sent their initial email last August. If you have sent me information in the past four months, don’t worry, I have it. Your time has not come. (Although I accept bribes in the form of cold, hard cash.)

Currently, new submissions are slated for Fall 2008.

As for my asshole email problem, all pressing issues should be sent to whoorlATgmailDOTcom for the time being.

And just in case you were wondering:

Oooh, NIGHT VISION.

Have a great weekend!

Whizzing In My Brain

1. Ingesting any caffeinated product after 2 pm is dangerous.

2. I always feel the urge to eat cheese and crackers while watching The Biggest Loser.

3. According to my lipstick shape, I fall in love easily.

4. The mothers only know the names of the children in Wito’s music class, so we refer to one another as [so and so]’s mom. This has to stop.

5. Will Wito the Seasoned Traveler become Wito the Teething Tantrum Traveler on our flight to Oklahoma over the holidays? He’s 22 for 22 on plane flights, people. The bad behavior has got to be lurking around the corner.

6. I have to fire the housekeeper today. I was hoping to pansy out on her voicemail, but she doesn’t have voicemail on her cell phone. Damnit.

7. I don’t think D will ever break free of the Norah Jones, Amos Lee, John Legend and Jamie Cullum heavy morning rotation.

8. Can I really make it to December 1st for a trim? My bangs are brushing the tip of my nose.

9. Please let today be a better day for Wito. Damn you, molars.

10. I couldn’t be more thrilled that today is a not of the running variety.

11. How do you cook a turkey?

That concludes today’s peek into Whoorl’s brain. Hasta mañana, iguana.

Guess What I’m Doing?

I’m writing a Whoorlito Update! Remember those? I was thinking this morning about how it had been a couple of months since the last one.

And then I checked my archives. This was the last one I wrote.

8 months ago.

More than half of his life has blown past since that update.

We have a lot to catch up on, yes?

In the meantime, remind me of more toys from the days of yore.

Excuses Excuses

Do you ever find yourself referring to random tidbits from another blogger? Or using their words and/or phrases around the house?

Whenever our television is off, invariably, D and I will look at each other and say, “Turn on the TV. Turn on the damn TV, please.” (This coming from one of my favorite posts by Alice over at Finslippy. Please read it. Right now.) Who knows why that particular post has stayed with me for over two years, as Alice is constantly writing hilarious entries, but it was one that made me laugh until tears filled my eyes.

Neilochka once wrote (was it a post or a twitter, Neil?) about how annoying it is when bloggers apologize for their lack of posts. According to Neil, a blogger’s assumption that people actually care enough about their posting activity is pretty conceited.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe none of you have even noticed that my posts aren’t as popping up as frequently. Or that I can’t seem to write about anything other than hair.

Maybe. Yet, I still feel the need to say something because, well, this is my personal blog and I can write about whatever in the hell I want. OKAY?!

Reasons why I am incredibly egotistical and think you desire an explanation as to why I’m not posting as much:

1. I’ve been trying to stay off the computer while Wito is awake.

2. Wito is awake A LOT.

2. In the past, I wrote my Whoorl stuff while Wito napped. (Is it one nap or two, mister? ONE NAP OR TWO, I ASK OF YOU?!) Now, I write my ParentDish posts during that time.

3. When I do break my computer rule and ignore Wito (like right now), I am usually trying to find Hair Thursday photos and work on those posts.

4. Plus, reading your blogs. (Which, DAMN, you’re funny.) And of course, checking email and not responding. Because I am made of asshole.

5. Obviously, I am experiencing some time management issues right now. Working on that.

Next list-

What I REALLY want to talk to you all about, but I have no time to construct a cohesive post so I shall make another list of the highlights:

1. Due to my lack of time management skills, I haven’t been looking very good lately. Luckily, SAJ’s pool has accepted me with open arms. I am, in fact, Chief Slob Moderator.

2. One of my all-time favorite bloggers of the past is giving it another go. And yes, she’s also my boss. How cool is that? (Dear boss, if I’m late submitting a PD post, it’s because I’m reading your blog. Essentially, it’s your fault. Love, Whoorl)

3. Blog Action Day is approaching on October 15th. I will be posting about the little things we do around here to help the environment, namely our non-toxic cleaners and recycled products.

4. The Great Mofo Delurk is this Wednesday. The fabulous Schmutzie has all of the details and reasons behind the activity on her website. (For the record, I agree with her fully. Commenters Unite!) I would love to hear from some of you - I will post a question like I did during the last delurk. (Remember the crayola question? Oh, don’t bother looking, it disappeared when I switched blogging platforms. WHICH IS WHY YOU SHOULD DELURK. I HAVE NO RECOLLECTION OF YOUR DELURKING STATUS. 350 COMMENTS, POOF! GONE LIKE THE WIND.)

5. Speaking of Schmutzie, have you seen her Collection of Spectacles? If you love eyeglasses like I do, you must check it out.

6. Some ding dong stole one of SAJ’s illustrations. Ooooh, trouble. (mmm, ding dongs)

7. Wito is walking. Walking and falling. Falling and bruising. Making me crazed.

I must run, Wito is attempting a headstand. See you (yes, ALL of you) on Wednesday!

When The Internet Ceases To Exist

Yesterday, our Internet connection was out for approximately eight hours. And it was glorious.

After my 5-minute OH MY GAH WHAT SHALL I DO! NO INTERNET! period, I realized there are plenty of things to do away from the Internet. Like enjoying your life without crouching over a 15-inch screen looking for your cyber buddies.

Let’s take a walk through Whoorl’s Day Without Internet. (In list-form, of course!)

1. This is huge. Almost 2 YEARS LATER, I finished Harry Potter #5. Yes, the same Harry potter I wrote about in October of 2005. It seems I took your advice (your advice? Are my 2005 commenters even reading this blog anymore?) and took a break from Harry Potter. A very long break. Finally, I can move on to The Half-Blood Prince and put #5 on the shelf for good.

2. I took care of my new black eye, which I explained over here.

3. I shipped back the Wheely Bug that I was SO intensely excited about. Turns out, if your baby is taller than the average 2-year-old, he will end up looking like an old man with secondary osteoporosis pushing a walker. Seriously, his upper body was parallel to the floor. Not good. (BUT SO HILARIOUS TO WATCH!)

4. I sorted through a 24-pound Fed Ex delivery of Wito’s birthday presents shipped from my mom in Oklahoma. Needless to say, Wito had a great day.

5. Dude! I did some crafty crafts! Look at these cute ponytail holders I made!

I even attempted a photo of the back of my head.

As you can see, back-of-the-head photography is not my forte.

I needed yesterday’s breath of fresh air. Of course, the result of the outage has forced me to be shackled to the Internet for the remainder of the day, writing Parent Dish posts and working on Hair Thursday.

Oh well, it was worth it.

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