How To Use A Neti Pot

1. Enter Mother’s Market. Spend upwards of twenty minutes aimlessly walking around the store, feigning interest in various items while, in reality, you are too shy to ask the cute dude with dreads about the Neti Pot.

2. Locate a very tall Swedish man with a skinny plumber’s butt and ask for assistance locating the Neti Pots. Loudly knock over an organic tissue box display with your stroller.

3. Find and purchase Neti Pot.

4. Return home. Sit on couch. Take Neti Pot box out of the shopping bag.

5. Stare at Neti Pot box.

6. Repeat #5 several times.

7. Make dinner.

8. Finish dinner. Sit on couch.

9. Repeat #5.

10. Place Neti Pot box on the couch next to you, barely touching your leg. Pray that the physical contact alone will unleash the magical healing powers of the Neti Pot.

11. Realize magical Neti Pot diffusion isn’t happening. Decide to open the box.

12. While opening the box, notice the term “nasal douching” written on the side. Gag forcefully. Repeat #5.

13. Quickly get over your fears when your sinus cavities remind you that YOU WILL DIE IF YOU DON’T DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE MUCUS.

14. Prepare Neti Pot with the warm water and salt. (1/4 teaspoon to 8 ounces water is the recommended amount. I used a little bit less, thanks to your comments.)

15. Read the directions 5,000 times and obsessively worry that your head won’t be tilted properly.

16. Lean over the sink, tilt head and stick the Neti spout into your right nostril, creating a “seal”.

17. Pour water into your right nostril. See nothing coming out the other side. Wonder where the water is going. Tilt head upwards to look in the mirror. Salt water now gushes down your throat. Choke. Scream, “I’M DROWNING! HELP MEEEE!”

18. Realize you are, in fact, NOT drowning. Collect yourself.

19. Try again, this time tilting your head properly. The saltwater flows directly out the other nostril! You are amazed! This is the coolest party trick ever!

20. Feel equally happy/horrified about the expelled contents of your nose.

I’m here to tell you - don’t be scared of the Neti Pot! There is definitely a little bit of a learning curve when it comes to the tilt of your head (not tilting downwards enough can cause the saltwater to drain in your throat), but once you have that down, it’s really easy. I’m definitely a fan. Now, if I only had bought one a week ago, I probably wouldn’t be dealing with my newly-diagnosed sinus infection of mammoth proportions. Oh well, at least I’ll know next time.

Summer Fun

Wito and I are both experiencing unbelievably hellish summer colds on this lovely Wednesday. How did this happen? I was minding my own business, rocking the Wii Fit Super Hula at 1pm yesterday, when BAM! Snot explosion! Head cold from hell!

THINGS I NEED TO ACCOMPLISH TODAY:

1. Grocery shopping and errands this morning while babysitter is here.

2. The never-ending Hair Thursday tasks including, but not limited to: (SUB-LIST ALERT.)

• Complete post for tomorrow.
• Organize my update post. (3 ladies!)
• Find some sort of Wordpress plugin that will organize my Stylists section. (Halp! Someone!)
• Write post for upcoming AWESOME contest on Friday.
• Edit several HT “how-to” videos that I filmed at my hair stylist’s salon on Monday.

3. Finish ParentDish Image of the Day posts for the remaining week.

4. Brainstorm ideas for my new writing job that starts July 7th. (It’s about CLOTHES and MAKEUP and LOOKING FABULOUS! Hell to the yes.)

5. Return 49 million emails.

6. Take care of my poor little boy.

THINGS I WILL ACCOMPLISH TODAY:

1. Cancel babysitter due to horrid germs.

2. Take care of my poor little boy.

3. Try not to die.

4. Cry.

ENJOY YOUR DAY!

Happy Happy

1. The donations for little Emily have been staggering. Staggering. I’m so happy to be a part of such an unbelievably generous outpouring of support for sweet Emily.

2. Speaking of generous, Kate Szabone, the maker of the fabulous earrings I featured here last week, emailed me yesterday to let me know that she is donating all of her past and future profits from her loop hoop sales from my referrals. So, if you are in the market for some lovely delicate hoops, be sure and tell Kate I sent ya. (Thanks, Kate, for being SO AWESOME.)

3. Wito did great at Mother’s Day Out. The caregivers told me he never cried, but occasionally looked out the window, trying to find us. (D and I both dropped him off. Double heart-rippage!) I will admit that he has been very clingy for the past couple of days - usually a boy who doesn’t like to be held, he is perfectly content in my arms since Monday. (Again with the HEART-RIPPAGE.) Plus, when he wants to be held, he says “Hold you! Hold you, mommy!”

(Riiiipppp.)

4. RAMÓN UPDATE. I’m approaching my 2-month anniversary of guitar lessons and LOVE IT. I am currently tackling my very first “study” (What? I’m supposed to play THIS?) with the help of my awesome guitar teacher. Maybe I will make a video once I have the study mastered, which could be 2010.

5. Today is Wito’s first visit to the zoo! Smelly animals await!

Where Were You When…

The topic for this week’s Friday Flashback is What big cultural event occurred during your childhood/youth that you recall clearly? What was its impact on you?

Several “big” events immediately popped into my mind - the Challenger explosion (I was home sick from 6th grade watching the Price is Right- specifically, the yodeling mountain climber- when the show was interrupted by video images of the fiery explosion), Charles and Diana’s wedding (I watched it in my aunt’s basement in the wee hours of the morning, marveling at Diana’s train floating down the aisle and wishing to marry a prince one day), and Ronald Reagan’s assassination attempt.

However, the most vivid memories I have as a child were pop culture and fashion-related. (C’mon. Does that surprise you? It’s WHOORL we’re talking about here.)

Do you all remember these events as well as I do?

Watching the birth of MTV, with the inaugural video being Video Killed The Radio Star.

Classifying myself as a Valley Girl. “Like, you are tubular to the max.”

Hiding behind a pillow while viewing Thriller for the first time.

Drinking my first Jolt Cola.

My first pair of Jellies shoes.

Wanting to mack down with Charlie Sheen in Lucas. (That makes me cringe a little.)

Mix and matching the “perfect” Units outfit while getting ready for school.

The Three Men And A Baby ghost hiding in the curtain rumor. Freaked my shit out.

Dude, one word. FROGGER. (Also, did any of you play River Raid on Atari? My dad scored the highest score ever. We had to take a photo of him standing next to the good ol’ RCA television to send in. I would KILL for that photo right now.)

I remember distinct details of the above mentioned. What about you, though? What events from your youth are emblazoned on your brain? Anything goes!

Don’t forget to check out these other participants, as I can promise their posts are way more poignant than my banter about Jolt Cola. (Although, that shit was WICKED COOL. Admit it.)

Sweetney
Her Bad Mother
Mrs. Flinger
Mamalogues
Oh the Joys

A Weekend In Boston - Observations

1. Warm, sunny weather is my life force.

2. A trench coat is not a coat.

3. People stare. At the airport, walking down Newbury Street, running errands, everywhere. (Booger? Spinach in the teeth?) While having lunch at Zaftigs, the woman seated next to us literally turned her chair towards us and stared the entire meal, completely ignoring her lunch companion. I’m going to hold a seminar on my next visit entitled, Quick Sideways Glance: learn it, live it, love it.

4. I met the lovely Miguelina for coffee. What is the DEAL with all of the East Coast soul sistahs I’ve encountered? Why aren’t these types of women living in Orange County? (Wait. Don’t answer that.)

5. I couldn’t help but pretend I was Ali McGraw while visiting my brother-in-law’s school. Of course, my superstition got the best of me and stopped thinking that, because um, she DIES in that movie.

6. The stoplights in Boston must not employ sensors, but use timers lengthy enough to allow drivers to take a quick snooze (and possibly prepare an omelet) before getting the green light.

7. Strong headwinds will make your flight home quite lengthy. As in, Very. Long. (6 1/2 hours, to be exact.)

8. While watching BBC on said flight, I encountered a show where a dietitian actually trifles through people’s poop. In tupperware. A family of four stood around while this woman dissected their poop IN FRONT OF THEM. This has crossed some sort of television-viewing boundary, and yet, I am intrigued.

9. Fresh baby head smells really good. Yet, not good enough to persuade me to have another baby right now.

10. I will enjoy the beach today with renewed fervor. Flip flops! Sand in my toes! Warm sun on my face! YES YES YES!

Boston, you and I will meet again, my bipolar friend. Preferably in the spring.

Friday Flashback

Some very fine ladies started a discussion this week about starting a new feature on fridays, entitled Friday Flashback, with the the first topic being “How [insert band here] Changed My Life”. There was no need to twist my arm, as I was in like Flynn. (Of course, when Catherine and Tracey come a-callin’, you don’t ask questions.)

(Except, um, I did ask many questions of Catherine. MANY QUESTIONS. How? What? When? Why are we all here, Catherine? What in the hell is going on with Penny and Desmond?! TELL ME NOW.)

On first thought, I was sure this would be a breeze! So, I started thinking….

How The Cure Changed My Life.

I was a sullen mess who only wore black with ripped-up jeans. I liked boys with long hair on one side and short hair on the other. The End.

Hmm, not much more on that one.

Okay, okay. How Red Red Wine by UB40 Changed My Life.

Spring Break Padre Island 1989. I kissed a hottie Senior when I was a Freshman. My plane was also struck by lightning on the way back - I figured it was my punishment. The end.

Wait, but that doesn’t encompass me as a whole! How about Hold Me Now by the Thompson Twins? When I didn’t get picked to dance at my youth assemblies? The REJECTION.

Good Lord. At this rate, we could be here all day. (It’s so hard! SO HARD.)

So, without further ado, I give you my altered Friday Flashback topic of the week (because, obviously, I ask too many questions AND can’t follow the rules) :

Songs From My Childhood/Young Adulthood That Have Made Deep Imprints On My Tiny Brain. (With bonus YouTube videos!)

When I was a weee little one

Lido Shuffle - Boz Skaggs
Taking It To The Streets - The Doobie Brothers
Hey Nineteen-Steely Dan

Grade school rocks

Maneater - Daryl Hall & John Oates
Gloria - Laura Branigan
We Got The Beat - Go-Go’s
I Love Rock-n-Roll - Joan Jett
Love Is A Battlefield - Pat Benatar
Time - Culture Club

Middle school through high school

Glory of Love - Peter Cetera (HELL YEAH MR. MIYAGI)
Never Tear Us Apart - INXS
I Touch Roses - Book OF Love
Careless Whisper - Wham
Blue Monday - New Order
La La Love You - Pixies
Fascination Street - The Cure
Angel - Morrissey
Step On - Happy Mondays
Bring On The Dancing Horses - Echo & The Bunnymen
Come Back Down - Toad The Wet Sprocket
The Only One I Know - Charlatans UK

College Years

Things - Paul Westerberg
The Mango Song - Phish
Goodbye - The Sundays
Diner - Widepsread Panic
Crash - Dave Matthews Band

This has GOT to be the world record for linked YouTube videos.

Looking for more musical flashbacks? Check out these other kick ass participants:

Sweetney
Her Bad Mother
Oh The Joys
Mamalogues
Mrs. Flinger
IzzyMom
Girl’s Gone Child
Mom-101

What about you? What songs/artists have branded your brain for life?

Valentine’s has made me batshit crazy

I can’t stop writing about Valentine’s Day over at the scary place. Just in case you are looking for some last minute ideas, feel free to take a gander. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though.

Looking for a way to convey your hot, sexy love through food? Here you go.

Think Valentine’s Day is for wussy shitheads? You might like this.

Is Martha Stewart your idol? Knock yourself out.

Want to gain 10 pounds on Valentine’s? Have at it.

Is your loved one only worth a dollar? It’s too late, but you can look anyway.

Incidentally, I haven’t done one flippin’ thing for Valentine’s. Not even a CARD. So, um, CIAO.

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