An Important Message From Wito

I noticed yesterday that my mother was braggity bragging about our house not being a “den of kiddie crap”.

You see, my mom likes to keep things tidy. She even wrote about it here. (Although DUDE, mom. I know I’m your muse and all, but could you NOT include me in those posts? Some of those ParentDish commenters are hella mental.)

However, on occasion, my mom’s silver laptop draws her in with the force of a black hole and I can do whatever I want.

Namely this:

So, um, I’m just saying she might want to change that statement or something. In fact, I have a new motto:

Wito: Keepin’ it real in ‘08.

Peace to all of you on this Super Tuesday. DON’T FORGET TO VOTE OR MY MOM WILL HUNT YOU DOWN. (Armed with a Dustbuster.)

The Annual January Death March

I’m sick. Sinus explosions, 1,000-pound head, the whole deal. Wito has mild croup, but seems to be on the mend, given his penchant for hyperactive, barking behavior. Fun for me.

Wasn’t I sick this time last year? Why yes, I WAS. Hey, don’t forget 2006!

However, this year involves no surgical masks. Caring for a toddler sure puts a stop to the GOCD behavior quickly.

*said as she licks her finger and wipes a booger off Wito’s face*

Any good croup remedies?

DOH!

I’m leaving in one hour- heading to Oklahoma for the holidays with Wito by MYSELF. (D is meeting us later.)

I wrote this yesterday and learned lots of good tips.

The one thing I forgot, though? TO CHARGE THE FUCKING DVD BATTERY.

Commence hysterical laughing/crying hybrid.

Emails, Scheeemails

It has come to my attention that my snot-nosed punk email address has left my cheese out in the wind. If you have sent me an email during the past 3 days regarding Hair Thursdays, life in general or how much you adore me, I haven’t received it. (Which is truly a shame. Especially if you wanted to tell me how I’ve made the world a better place.)

However, if you sent me a very mean email, I somehow DID receive those. No need to send again! Thanks!

As for Hair Thursday submissions, some people have voiced concern about being the “MIA participants” I mentioned last week. Right now, the participants being featured are people who sent their initial email last August. If you have sent me information in the past four months, don’t worry, I have it. Your time has not come. (Although I accept bribes in the form of cold, hard cash.)

Currently, new submissions are slated for Fall 2008.

As for my asshole email problem, all pressing issues should be sent to whoorlATgmailDOTcom for the time being.

And just in case you were wondering:

Oooh, NIGHT VISION.

Have a great weekend!

Fevers and Hair

Hey! Guess where I was yesterday afternoon? No, really! Take a guess!

Why, YES! I was at the pediatrician’s office! With Wito! Who had a fever of 102.7!

(insert hysterically maniacal laughter)

Ha. Ha. Er, ahem. How did THAT happen, you ask?

Let’s see:

Friday - Pediatrician’s office
Monday - Pediatric Neurologist’s office
Tuesday - Neuro Ophthalmologist’s office

Would you care to wager on how Wito came down with a fever? Could it possibly be the germy germs he’s been making out with for the past 5 days in said offices?

So, yes. We completed our 4th appointment in 6 days, as of late yesterday afternoon. Someone give this handsome toddler and his fair-haired mama a prize, will ya?

To top it off, I just can’t stop my tremendous feelings of guilt and worry.

No, not about Wito…about YOU PEOPLE!

I noticed this incoming link to my site, read it and tada, now feel like a Big Let Down Asshole. Did the lovely Alice make any sort of insinuation that I was a BLDA? Of course not! It’s my self-imposed guilt, people!

So, here’s the thing. I wasn’t planning on doing a Hair Thursday during the week of Christmas, two potential participants are MIA, so that leaves 4 lovely ladies who were supposed to be part of Hair Thursday 2007: The Frosh Year.

These four ladies got all of their information and photos in on time, so who am I to flake out on them? (Mom! Are you reading this? I can’t deal with guilt! I’ll do anything to make people happy! I AM EXACTLY LIKE YOU.)

So. Alice, Dani, Caroline R. and Stephanie B. - COME ON DOWN!

Okay, not this very minute, but I promise I will do a 4-participant Hair Thursday once I’m back in Oklahoma, where Wito will be lovingly whisked off by my family while I’m carelessly ignored by everyone. (Just kidding, mom! Don’t cry! Although, baking me a carrot cake might help with the guilt.)

December 27th*, yo. Be there or be square, bitches.

*updated due to ballyhoo

Stay Tuned For The Most Dramatic Hair Updates Yet!

Channeling my inner Chris Harrison (who, by the way, was my husband’s high school soccer coach). Oh, and while we’re on the subject, what’s so horrible about that Womack chap not picking either girl on The Bachelor? HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, LADIES. (Further proof that I’m wired like a dude.) I cringed watching the “After the Rose” show last night.

DeAnna, let it go. LET IT GO.

Peace be with you.

Tomorrow I will be enjoying my Thanksgiving feast (all five courses cooked by yours truly, HALP!) instead of posting a new Hair Thursday, BUT I will post two of the best hair updates I’ve seen so far. One is the most improved and the other (Lori, from last week) is unbelievable. So incredibly hot. In fact, I think I shall make out with her for certain.

Off to the grocery store for the fourth time this week. Updates coming tomorrow morning!

Whizzing In My Brain

1. Ingesting any caffeinated product after 2 pm is dangerous.

2. I always feel the urge to eat cheese and crackers while watching The Biggest Loser.

3. According to my lipstick shape, I fall in love easily.

4. The mothers only know the names of the children in Wito’s music class, so we refer to one another as [so and so]’s mom. This has to stop.

5. Will Wito the Seasoned Traveler become Wito the Teething Tantrum Traveler on our flight to Oklahoma over the holidays? He’s 22 for 22 on plane flights, people. The bad behavior has got to be lurking around the corner.

6. I have to fire the housekeeper today. I was hoping to pansy out on her voicemail, but she doesn’t have voicemail on her cell phone. Damnit.

7. I don’t think D will ever break free of the Norah Jones, Amos Lee, John Legend and Jamie Cullum heavy morning rotation.

8. Can I really make it to December 1st for a trim? My bangs are brushing the tip of my nose.

9. Please let today be a better day for Wito. Damn you, molars.

10. I couldn’t be more thrilled that today is a not of the running variety.

11. How do you cook a turkey?

That concludes today’s peek into Whoorl’s brain. Hasta mañana, iguana.

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