BULLDOZER!

Are you ready to read about some fun times? For beginners, I just spent my 17th consecutive night NOT sleeping in my bed. Besides a quick jaunt to Palm Springs last weekend, I’ve been residing in the guest room of my cousin’s home* with my husband and son. Coincidentally, my son recently adopted the habit of sleep-yelling and snoring like a 400 lb. hog with a raging case of sleep apnea…let’s see here…17 nights ago! How hilarious is that? HAAHAAAAAAAAA.

Let me tell you, being jolted awake from a fitful slumber by a three-year-old screaming “BULLDOZER!” at 3am is HILARIOUS.

(Last night it was “bulldozer.” The night before was “MONSTER TRUUUUUUUCK!” At least we are consistent with the vehicular theme.)

Although, I shouldn’t really call it a “fitful” slumber, given my ridiculous stress level has shot me into teeth-grinding stardom, sometimes actually waking myself up from biting a fleshy hunk out of my inner cheek.

So! We are trying our hardest to find a new home in the shortest amount of time possible, which means an abundance of MLS searches and an abundance of realtors showing me rentals that make me want to puke. I don’t understand…I told you that carpet was a deal-breaker, yet here we are, standing in a fully carpeted home that looks like it was last replaced during the Nixon era AND you’re telling me it’s $3200 a month.

Once again, HILARITY ENSUES!

Oh! Also! My late-blooming belly has finally decided to make an appearance at 25 weeks, thus stretching my stomach skin to the point of resembling a pomegranate-colored soccer ball. It’s a tad itchy, folks.

I was pondering all of these lovely tidbits this morning while making my new 30-minute commute to Wito’s preschool, when I remembered that I needed to return a Lands’ End shirt to my local Sears. (Did you know that you could return Lands’ End merchandise bought online to your local Sears? More importantly, did you know that regular-sized Lands’ End shirts make for great maternity wear for those on the petite-bellied side? The things you learn over here at whoorl.com, I tell ya.)

For instance:

Women’s Short Sleeve Shirred Scoopneck Top, $19.50

See! Blousy! Perfect for little baby bellies! Pair this cutie with distressed boyfriend jeans and flats and you’re set for a day of errands! This top was previously available in many colors, one of which I didn’t prefer, hence the return to my local Sears store. DISCLAIMER: I’m not usually a Sears shopper and I don’t want to make assumptions about any other Sears store around the country, but you guys.

This particular store is a Haus o’ Depression. Upon crossing the street to enter the store, the inner lights were so dim, I thought it had gone out of business completely. However, I pulled on the door and LO, it was open. Sad sad sadness. Sad lighting, sad merchandise, sad employees, sad shoppers. Really sad. Why so melancholy, people? Have you been displaced due to excessive levels of mold too? Does your belly really really itch? Let’s hug it out.

I walked out of that store in one of the best moods I’ve experienced in several weeks because you all, things could be worse. I could be itchy-skinned, sleep-deprived, cheek-chewed, homeless AND working at that Sears. Things are looking up already.

*Can you imagine how my cousin feels? I’m sure he’s beyond THRILLED to have the Whoorl family around every evening when he returns from work. Jenga, anyone?

Homeless

This photo is a perfect capture of the majority of my past week. Unfortunately, after a full investigation, our new home is riddled with mold and therefore, unlivable for our standards.

We are currently staying 30 minutes south of our old neighborhood with my cousin who has generously opened his home to our family, and my days have consisted of multiple trips back and forth between towns in an attempt to keep Wito’s school and playdate schedule intact. My car and I have become quite close.

Newsflash. Not having a home is the pits. I miss my bed, I miss my routine, I miss my neighborhood and I miss not feeling completely reliant on others for a roof over my head.

Hopefully we will find a new and wonderful home very soon. Onward ho!

On the Next Episode of Hoarders

While helping to empty out her husband’s storage unit, a wife makes the startling realization of just HOW MUCH mid-century furniture, accessories, objects and art he has been “collecting” over the past several years.

The perpetrator unloading the third of eleventy million cartloads.

Video Killed The Radio Star (Or my will to live, actually…)

I am truly hoping someone out there can help me with my problem. (PLEASE HELP!)

I shoot video on a Flip Mino HD. I love it.

While reviewing my unedited video on QuickTime, the quality looks great.

Enter iMovie.

After editing, adding some captions and maybe a song or two, I’ll export the file in full quality.

The video always looks like shit. Grainy. A little blurry. Definitely NOT HD quality anymore.

What am I doing wrong? This issue literally consumed my weekend.

Can you help? Wito would be thrilled to have his mother back.

How to Make an Interior Designer Crap His Pants

Today marks a very sad day for my husband.

I noticed a lovely addition to a new piece of art in our living room this morning.

Need a close up?

Black crayon. You can pay your respects to D in the comments.

(I think it’s pretty funny, but let’s just keep that between you and me.)

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