Lingering

The summer cold is much better, but not completely gone, mainly because I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in six nights. Why, you ask? Well, my husband was out of town for the past week while Wito and I were left here to drown in our snot. Of course, I couldn’t tell you this because I’m filled with paranoia self-destroya about announcing to the internet that I’m all by myself, PLEASE COME KILL ME.

(Also, I think it’s important to point out that while I was dying over here, he was in the midst of a furnishings installation at one of his client’s homes in a swanky resort town, sipping pinot noir and marveling at the majestic beauty of the mountains.)

(For six days.)

(While I died.)

So, yes, AS USUAL, within thirty minutes of dropping D off at the airport last Tuesday, Wito was covered in phlegm. (Why is that the case, people? WHY??? 3 out of the 4 times he has left town, Wito has come down with an uber illness! GAH.)

However, my positive attitude was steadfast. Wito’s cold was not going to put a hamper on our time alone! I put him down for a nap, hopped on the Wii Fit for a rousing round of Super Hula, and within 15 minutes, felt that familiar raw tingling in my throat.

That was 2:45 on Tuesday. Game over.

Since that time, my nights and days have been filled with frequent wakings (Wito) and frequent tantrums (me). That second child we were thinking about attempting? After this week of horrible sleep? Maybe we should push that out a leeetle further, honey.

And the best part? Right as Wito started feeling better and sleeping through the night, my cough started and I hacked my damn brains out all night.

(The complaining! How do I stop it?)

The bright side! D is back, the babysitter watched Wito while D and I had a nice lunch at a fab restaurant with the ocean breeze blowing through my horribly tangled hair, and I’m feeling much better. I think I need to be a Lady Who Lunches. You know, just in case you were wondering. I can’t even remember the last time I had lunch without worrying about Wito being messy/bored/not eating/too loud. I’m sick of the parental shifts, where one parent scarfs down food while the other walks around with the child. DOWN WITH THE SHIFTS! JOIN THE REVOLUTION!

I think I would be an excellent LWL, and I must admit, the one Cadillac margarita I had before my meal was the perfect cocktail to give me that tingly buzz while the sun warmed my raw nose. (Of course, the Alka Seltzer Cold Medicine gelcap I took beforehand might have played a mild part in the buzzing…honest mistake, I swear.)

Now, if I could quit blowing my nose every 32 seconds, my life would be heavenly.

(I bought a Neti Pot. I’m scared to use it. More on that later.)

Good night to all.

Summer Fun

Wito and I are both experiencing unbelievably hellish summer colds on this lovely Wednesday. How did this happen? I was minding my own business, rocking the Wii Fit Super Hula at 1pm yesterday, when BAM! Snot explosion! Head cold from hell!

THINGS I NEED TO ACCOMPLISH TODAY:

1. Grocery shopping and errands this morning while babysitter is here.

2. The never-ending Hair Thursday tasks including, but not limited to: (SUB-LIST ALERT.)

• Complete post for tomorrow.
• Organize my update post. (3 ladies!)
• Find some sort of Wordpress plugin that will organize my Stylists section. (Halp! Someone!)
• Write post for upcoming AWESOME contest on Friday.
• Edit several HT “how-to” videos that I filmed at my hair stylist’s salon on Monday.

3. Finish ParentDish Image of the Day posts for the remaining week.

4. Brainstorm ideas for my new writing job that starts July 7th. (It’s about CLOTHES and MAKEUP and LOOKING FABULOUS! Hell to the yes.)

5. Return 49 million emails.

6. Take care of my poor little boy.

THINGS I WILL ACCOMPLISH TODAY:

1. Cancel babysitter due to horrid germs.

2. Take care of my poor little boy.

3. Try not to die.

4. Cry.

ENJOY YOUR DAY!

Stale And Desperate

You know that feeling when you haven’t spoken to a friend in so long that in order to get to the present day you would have to spend hours trying to catch them up, but you really don’t want to listen to yourself ramble on about seemingly meaningless shit for hours, so you just don’t talk at all?

Yeah.

So, how’s it going?

Hmm. Yeah.

Well, okay then! Nice talking to you!

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I’m at a fork in the road, people. I’m not trying to be dramatic (yes, I am), but I’m going to shut this website down (no, I’m not) if you don’t help me out RIGHT NOW (or maybe over the course of this week).

Let’s see. I could tell you about my trip to Oklahoma, my savant son with a photographic memory, the blossoming love for Ramón, my complete lack of exercise for the past three months and my new workout plan to remedy the situation, how teaching a stubborn 22-month-old how to drink out of a straw is driving me to profuse amounts of alcohol…

Pretty please, do me the biggest favor and help me out of my blogging funk.

What do you know? It’ a handy-dandy POLL! HAHAAAAAAAAA, HOW NOVEL.

If you find that my options blow hard, please feel free to enter your own suggestion (which I’m praying you do). Maybe I can rack up a month’s worth of material or something.

The Floaties of Yesteryear

We’ve made a last-minute decision to spend our Memorial Day weekend in Palm Springs, which means one glorious thing. POOL TIME. I can’t fully express the excitement I am feeling about spending the next three days lying by a pool, but it’s safe to say I’ve broken out the African Anteater Ritual a couple of times this morning.

Pools are hard to come by in a beach community, mainly due to the fact that there is this large mass of water called an “ocean” within walking distance. The ocean. Yes, it’s beautiful and serene and what not, but it’s also a pain in the ass. Just the beach packing ritual alone is enough to make me talk in tongues, not to mention the damp sand that Wito enjoys eating by the fistful. I have sand issues. I admit it.

But, pools! POOLS! Backyard pools beckon you with promises of instant access to a bathroom! A nearby refrigerator filled with snacks! No sand! A towel and sunblock is all you need, my friends.

In a nutshell, the pool is spontaneous and easy to enjoy. The beach causes certain people to lose their shit in an alley.

This morning, I made a quick (ha!) trip (ha!) to Target (ha!) to purchase some sort of flotation device for Wito. Now, in a typical Whoorl Planning Situation, I would have conducted the proper research in a timely fashion, but as you see, we are leaving in less than 24 hours and Target was my best option.

After spending 45 minutes in Aisle 26, I came to an enlightening conclusion. Parents only have two options when it comes to toddler pool safety.

1. Toddler experiences hours of pool fun, but is forced to wear a contraption that looks like Dora the Explorer puked all over it.

OR

2. Toddler is quarantined in an oversized Pack-n-Play thirty yards from the pool because the parents refuse to dress him in a Cookie Monster Wears Hawaiian Shirts And Eats Coconuts life jacket.

What happened to the plain yellow floaties we wore as kids? Oh yeah, that’s right, they now cause cancer, early stimulation of estrogen receptors, a huge lisp, etc.

Oh, and the whole Swim Level thing? I spent upwards of 20 minutes reading the backs of multi-colored packages about all of the Very Important Swim Stages. Is Wito a 1? 2? A? C439?

Listen, I just want my child to maintain a proper level of oxygen in his lungs for the next three days, but of course, I caved and bought a couple of options. I couldn’t help it, I was having trouble reading the fine print due to my acute blindness from the heinous patterns everywhere.

FYI - I am leaning towards the Swim Sweater. (3 Million Sold! 3 Milliones vendidas! 3 Millions vendus! More like, HOW COULD YOU GO WRONG, IDIOT PARENT?)

Why I Said Goodbye To Twitter

1. I read this.

2. I noticed my laptop was open. A LOT.

3. My whoorl posts were decreasing.

4. My ParentDish posts were decreasing.

5. I wasn’t reading any blogs.

6. Yet, I was spending twice as much time on the internet.

Doing what, you ask?

Twittering. Lots of twittering. I honestly had no idea how much cumulative time I was spending reading and writing on Twitter. So, I quit. Cold turkey.

(I really miss it.)

However, the instant decrease of LOP (Laptop Open Position) has been incredible. Thus, I am happy. The End.

(Although, my old Twitter pals! How are you? Have you had a good week? Any interesting tidbits? GOOD GOD, THE THINGS I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT I CAN’T WRITE HERE! THE EXCITEMENT!)

*shutting laptop*

Sappy

1. Who is this big boy? Certainly not MY baby.

2. I’m a little misty* today due to this small step in my parenting world. (YAY! But also, WAH.)

*most ridiculous word EVER

Easter Panic!

Happy Easter.

I just accidentally erased every single feed on my Google Reader. (200+ blogs.)

Years of finding great writers and POOF! Gone into the black night.

(breathing into a paper sack)

((Would it be poor form to compare Jesus rising from the dead to my Google Reader reincarnation? You know, like a new start? Free from past sins of the fathers?))

(((Going to pray for forgiveness.)))

Do I read your blog? Should I read your blog? What blogs do you love? Suggestions? (Seriously, don’t be shy. This is a desperate call for ASSISTANCE.)

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