Road Trip! (With unlimited parentheticals!)


We’re leaving tomorrow morning for a week’s vacation in the home of one of D’s clients.

I haven’t prepared one bit. I haven’t packed, I haven’t created a single list (serious travesty), I haven’t thought about what I’m going to wear (we are vacationing WITH D’s clients, which means I have to be Whoorl 2.0: Perfectly Coiffed Edition at all times), I haven’t planned for the 14-HOUR ROADTRIP WITH TODDLER THAT I ACTUALLY SUGGESTED INSTEAD OF FLYING BECAUSE WE LACK A SENSE OF ADVENTURE SO HELP ME GOD, I haven’t done anything.

What have I done today?  Well, for starters:

1. I wrote this completely pointless blog post.

2. I set up all sorts of iPhone/Flickr/Twitter/Twitpic applications. (Road Trip 2008! Live blogging! Would that be fun? Boring? Ridiculous? Do tell! If I keep asking all of these questions, I won’t have to pack.)

3. Dropped by Old Navy to buy Wito some socks and never made it to the kids’ section. (Try to deny the cuteness of this and this and these, Whoorl 2.0: PCE! Try!)

4.  Actually took the time to take photos of those jackets because they aren’t listed on the website.

(Are we sensing the level of procrastination yet?)

5. Attempted to fix Crayola Disaster #2. I obviously didn’t learn anything from Disaster #1. (How about keep the damn crayons AWAY from the furniture, Whoorl?)


(My solution? Flip the couch cushion until D finds it and maims me.)

7. Laundry. (This one counts as preparing, right?)

8. Whispered sweet nothings to my laptop before saying goodbye for an entire week. (Although, I’m bringing my iPhone for quickies.)

It’s nearing 2:00. I must go. Wish me luck, my friends! Any toddler road trip wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Actually, any wisdom pertaining to anything on the planet would be welcomed with open arms. (That way, I can read your comments INSTEAD OF PACKING.)



  1. The best advice that I was ever given for road tripping with a toddler was to go to Target or a $$ store and buy little toys and then gift wrap them. Give them one every hour. It seriously holds off the gates of hell that could be unleashed at any time throughout the roadtrip. Toddlers LOVE opening gifts! Also new special snacks at the half hour of every hour. Sounds like a lot of prep work but completely worth it especially if you want to arrive at your vacation spot happy and sane.

  2. I went to Old Navy and lunch and was thisclose to buying that second jacket.

  3. Oh, and I already have the shoes.

    This doesn’t surprise me one bit.

    See! Here I am! Replying to comments instead of packing.

  4. 14 HOURS with a toddler. All I can say is: Good luck!

  5. Dish soap and an old tooth brush will get the crayon off your furniture and Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will get anything off your walls. Sigh… could be worse – I had a friend whose kid kept smearing poo everywhere.

    Happy road trip!

  6. Oh, my dear wonderful cousin, I can’t help you with the procrastination because I am similarly affflicted. Apparently, this character defect resides on the same gene that gives our family “athletic” butts and “strong” legs. That said, I can offer this apparently very important bit of advice:

    They may not allow for the same level of creativity at this age, but then again, having his arms ripped off his body by a crazed interior decorator might also have a deleterious effect on his future art endeavours.

    Can’t wait to hear about that 14 hour car trip. I guess you have more of your dad in you than just the guitar playing and cool glasses….

  7. Want. Second. Jacket.

  8. I was just at Old Navy and didn’t see that second jacket! But, I did buy this one:

    In pink, DUH. Must go back for the other jacket. So cute!

  9. Um, Benadryl? Kidding. Can you drive through the night so Wito sleeps? Or can you break the no TV rule and let him watch movies on a dvd player? No doubt you’ve thought about these things already.

  10. Happy vacation, Whoorlie! And procrastination only makes you stronger (that’s my wisdom for today).

  11. dude, seriously – its your subconscious telling you that you’re already prepared for this trip. hands down I bet you’ve got it all up in the head, its like second nature now. roll with it. or ride with it, like nelly says. Yes, I am drunk commenting :)

  12. 4:35pm.

    Have started to pack, but it’s sketchy. The 40-degree difference between the high and low temperature at our destination kind of makes packing IMPOSSIBLE. THE LAYERING INVOLVED.

  13. I JUST BOUGHT THE SECOND JACKET ON TUESDAY! I actually hung it on the outside of my closet door so I could gaze upon it lovingly each time I entered and left my bedroom. (I also got these in “Homespun”:

    Have a fabulous trip!!

  14. I second the dollar-store toys idea, wrapped or unwrapped, the key is to hand them out at intervals.

    Post-it notes are fun. Encourage Wito to plaster them all over every surface he can reach.

    Move his car seat next to the window, if it isn’t there already, so he can watch the scenery.

    Consider a portable DVD player for emergencies.

    Good luck!

  15. Oh, and I forgot: My solution for long trips with toddlers/situations generally requiring bribery of said toddlers? M&M fun size bags. T rarely ever has candy, so it’s like crack to him. Whenever he starts acting up in the car (beyond the point of distraction with music and/or toys), I give him a bag. I’d hang my head in shame, but I’m too busy reveling in the joy of a QUIET, PEACEFUL CAR RIDE.

    (Wow. Unrepentant child bribery AND drug refererences related thereto in one comment? I AM SUPERMOM!)

  16. After 3 ten hour road trips with a baby and a toddler, we borrowed my friend’s car dvd player that had two screens that hooked on to the back of our car seat. Holy shit, those are worth EVERY FREAKING PENNY!! Road trip #4 was pure bliss. No joke. We just popped video after video and they snacked and slept and left us alone. I know, I know…that’ll totally go against the morals of some people but let me just say, my husband and I were still SMILING at the end of the trip and actually still liked each other AND our kids. THAT is a miracle. Good luck! On a side note, I just bought the black coat and L-U-V it. Perfect combination of class and style with the funky sleeves.

  17. Thanks for the suggestions – we are definitely bringing a DVD player! My sister gave us one of those suspend-the-DVD-player-between-the-car-seats things for Christmas last year, and i just know it will be our saviour.

  18. I’ve been wanting those shoes in blue. I need blue shoes!

  19. Wishing you safe travels, my friend!

  20. ooh! i saw that second jacket this weekend and thought to myself…well that’s definitely NOT old navy! i was really impressed with what they have right now.

  21. Ha! One of my fave t-shirts I see the kids wear is “Procrastinators of the world, Unite Tomorrow!”

    My house is never as clean and my laundry never as done as when I have a huge piles of papers to grade and essays to read. It is utterly hilarious how much one task I deplore becomes all that more enticing when a new task that seems much more burdensome appears. Of course, the new task requires a much more timely response- such as my grading or your packing- but that logic fails to win over.

    I heartily second DVDs and cheap toys that will be a “sursprise” that NEVER find their way back to the house.

    I always pack last minute, or else I just know I am going to obsess over what I did or didn’t remember to pack.

  22. Repeat after me: 1-800-CRAYOLA

  23. I just returned from a 15 hour (each way! 30 hour total!) road trip with our 18 month old. You will totally survive! I can’t say that I recommend picking up a nail in your tire, then spending an hour and a half at the Wal-Mart tire and lube center in the middle of nowhere while they patch your tire. It was great in that our son got to run around and stretch his legs a bit, but getting him back in the car for the remaining 7 hours of our drive? Yeah, that part sucked.

    Like many of your other readers, I also heartily recommend cheap toys for entertainment. Good luck!

  24. So, I’m not a parent, but here’s how you road trip with a toddler.

    You pack all your stuff into bags. Put the baby in the car. Pack bags around baby, thus creating a soundproof barrier. Get in car. Drive very fast. Drive fast enough that car takes flight and you arrive at your destination in, like, 2 hours — much like a plane would have if it weren’t for your sense of adventure.

  25. Hey, don’t do it, just don’t do it…fly, don’t ride…no no no, don’t do it!

  26. yeah…whatever…keep boasting about how awesome old navy is in the states…because it effing SUCKS in canada. we don’t have all those cute things. GRRR.

  27. my advice would have been benadryl, but you’re way ahead of me there… + a portable dvd player if you have one.

    ridiculously cute jackets.