So You Think You Can Dance – Blogher Edition

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I had such a fantastic time at Blogher. In a teeny nutshell, I was just so thrilled to be surrounded by smart, hilarious and well-rounded women instead of wiping dookie booty all day. (Can I get an AMEN?)

I think my personal high (LOW! LOW!) point of the weekend had to be “dancing” at the Mighty Haus launch party. Now, one would think that upon being invited to a party hosted by the lovely Maggie Mason, you would keep a certain air of composure about yourself as you navigate through the space and guests. And I did that…for about the first hour or so.

It’s just that people started to dance. And I really didn’t WANT to dance, but bodies were filing onto the dance floor and my adrenaline started pumping, and well, you’ll see.

Lucky for you, after noticing some photos on Flickr (thanks to Greeblemonkey and Mrs. Flinger), I can recreate this atrocity for your viewing pleasure with a mere five photos.

Photo #1:

dance.jpg

There I am, making my way onto the dance floor. You can smell the determination in the air, can’t you?

Photo #2:

dance2.jpg

Here is my trademark warm-up maneuver. I like to walk around the floor, clapping my hands next to my ear, much like the Paso Doble. Look how Heather is rendered helpless by my matador-like movement. There is no denying it, she wants me.

Photo #3:

dance3.jpg

After the blood starts pumping, I launch into a contemporary performance art piece that Mia Michaels might as well have choreographed herself. Now, to the untrained eye, it seems I’m attempting the Charleston, but check out the back of my shirt. See how it’s airborne? This could only mean I’m at the tail end of David Lee Roth-type jumping maneuver. Leslie and Alana are AMAZED by my dancing prowess.

Photo #4:

dance5.jpg

Seriously, I have no idea.

Photo #5:

dance4.jpg

The pièce de résistance. My beloved Sprinkler maneuver. Let’s chat about this photo for a second.

1. Take notice of my face color. No, not reddish purple from embarrassment, but from INTENSITY. The Sprinkler is no joke, people.

2. I wonder, am I actually singing AND dancing at the same time? Or is it more of a guttural grunt, much like Serena Williams playing tennis?

3. My shirt buttons are literally holding on for dear life. Like I said, such is the Intensity of The Sprinkler.

4. The crotch of my pants is halfway down to my knees. This can only mean that the Van Halen jumps have loosened my pants considerably.

5. Will you marvel at my hand form? Mary Murphy would have nothing but praise for my lines.

All in all, I’m wondering about SYTYCD’s age limit for auditions because I am SO THERE NEXT YEAR.



COMMENTS (42)

Comments

  1. You are extremely awesome.

    Also, could you BELIEVE the results last night?? I am INCREDULOUS.

    (I’m not getting into specifics in case there is anyone reading who has not seen it yet).

    But STILL. OMG.

  2. #4 looks like you are just about to draw your right hand back across your eyes in the Imaginary Mask Vee position (aka the Sensual Bandit).

    Only a professional should attempt that while going faster than shutter-speed, as you clearly were.

  3. I wish I had been there in person. I feel like I’m missing out on the ENERGY of the dance here. ;-)

  4. I am kicking myself in the ASS right now for leaving before The Sprinkler. DAMNIT!

  5. This has made my afternoon, and I love you for it. That is all.

  6. how did i miss this????!?!?! oh yes…we were stealing cheetos…

  7. Why was I not at THAT party? Why did I get stuck at the ones where NO ONE was dancing?

  8. Hilarious. What’s really impressive is that your hair still looks great.

  9. Oh my god. I haven’t laughed out loud like that in awhile. Thank you, thank you for this!! p.s. glad you had a good time not wiping dookie booty.

  10. Hahaaaa. AWESOME. I say you deserve a ticket on…THE HOT TAMALE TRAINNNNNN [insert nonsensical, unintelligible shrieking here]!.

    (PS: I’m still not over what happened last night. Seriously.)

  11. Even seeing it in person could not compare with seeing it in these five shots. Amazing.

  12. caroline says:

    Bwahhhhhhhhhhh. That is simply a gorgeous sight to behold!

    I’d be remiss not to thank your mother, whose many hot dance moves (the shopping cart, holla!) have taught you well.

  13. I rock the Sprinkler too! We should get together at next year’s BlogHer and have a synchronized Sprinkler routine.

  14. This *almost* makes me wish I had joined in instead of snickering on the sidelines.

    Almost.

    Besides, I don’t have half of the moves that you do.

  15. Michelle says:

    “The Sprinkler” – that’s hilarious :o) And the “Paso Doble”….so funny! Glad you had fun at Blogher! Your HT with the adorable Aussie was super, btw :o) Take care!

  16. Holy crap, you rock, woman. I wish I could just be that awesome – instead I’m always the one feeling like a fool.

  17. bethany says:

    Oh, lawsie…funny lady, I swear, you be killin me! I really MUST become popular and make it to BlogHer one day. The low riding crotch pic is my fav. Hahahaha! You are on my hot tamale train…….GOD, I can’t believe I just said that. Mary Murphy gives me hives! But I love the show, and miss my sweet Courtney and Gev:( But that’s neither here nor there. Glad you had a blast!

  18. Haha! Awesome! Love the sprinkler!

  19. Ahhh….. thanks for the morning laugh while I’m wiping dooky bootie.

  20. OMG, you kill me. I’m choking from laughter after reading this. I’ll be sending you my hospital bill.

  21. Possibly THE BEST RECAP EVAH. Dying here. Love Dying. XO

  22. You are on that “Hot Tamale Train” baby… but despite the moves, I think it’s the hair that would get you the most votes. Beaut-i-licious!

    Blogher ’09, you gotta save a dance for me ;)

  23. Yeah, see? I didn’t have the full-on “I can’t believe I effing missed BlogHer” ache until I saw these. You rock. ’09 it is.

  24. nice “moves” and i use that term loosely. It looks like you had a ton of fun though.

  25. I am alternating between laughing, smiling, laughing, smiling, laughing smiling and wanting to fly you here to Denver to start all over again.

  26. Haha…I do not have your sprinkler-ing prowess and only resort to it in times of great need. However, I rock the running man something fierce.

  27. angelique says:

    delurking to say: so good! thanks for sharing.

  28. One more thing: if you ever get a “Favorite Posts” section, this MUST go at the top of the list!

  29. I am, quite literally, in awe of the fierceness that is the sprinkler.

  30. Sorry I missed the dancing Whoorl! I love the red-faced sprinkler picture… it is AWESOME.

  31. Who can resist the sprinkler?

  32. The Sprinkler is one of my all-time favorite dance moves ever. That and The Roger Rabbit. Oh yeah, baby.

  33. Okay, yeah, but your hair looked totally righteous, sistah!

  34. Oh, I’m so mad I missed it. I blame Stara and her idea to steal Cheetos.

  35. That was so much fun. Surreally fun. :)

  36. I arrived too late to witness this firsthand. The disappointment lingers.

  37. Oh you only think you look bad dancing. Might I remind you of the white girl’s running man I proudly displayed last year at blogher? Run, run for your lives: http://flickr.com/photos/10842971@N07/979788420/

  38. Filtering Life says:

    I think it is a well known fact that to perform the sprinkler to it’s peak you need to put the left hand behind the head and the right arm perpendicular to the trunk of your torso….tisk, tisk. A few points deducted for technique, but over all performance….HOTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!

  39. You are so much cooler than Mia Micheals!

  40. I admired it all from the outside looking in, but I think number four really helps me get into the mind of whoorl.

    also, reminds me of Jefferson airplane. When you are ten feet tall.

  41. To me, photo #4 looks like the ultimate John Travolta/Uma Thurman Pulp Fiction dance maneuver.

  42. I guess I have been living under a rock because I just found you and, well, I love you.