A Word Of Caution

34

Ketel One martinis + The New York Times anticipation = Ouch.

Ladies and gents, I’ve had a crazy week. You see, I’ve been on vacation with my family, which included a little bit of this:


La Cucaracha from whoorl on Vimeo.

(Wait, doesn’t everyone have a 6-foot statue of Captain Hook included in their vacation rental?)

A little bit of this:

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And, a little bit of this:

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Look at those cheeks. MONCH MONCH MONCH.

Meanwhile, my job responsibilities over here are morphing a bit, and of course, the New York Times article made its appearance and rendered this site inoperable for several hours.

As much as I would like to pretend that I calmly waited for Thursday morning’s arrival by speaking phrases such as, “The NYT’s Thursday Style section is quite a treat and the piece should be just delightful, my dears. Now, pass the bubbly, Ronald!”, that’s not exactly how it went down.

On Wednesday, the butterflies made their presence known. The interview and photo shoot were both so exciting, but I really had no idea about the size and scope of the article. By 4pm, I had decided with the utmost certainty that the title of the article would be:

NEUROTIC WOMAN POLLS INTERNET ON HAIR CHOICES WHILE CHILDREN STARVE.

My family decided I was in need of some adult beverages. Now, I usually have no issues with drinking a martini (need to create a new, exciting dinner? Try drinking a martini! Just watch the cooking improvisation unfold!), but the adrenaline building in my body created some sort of catalyst, hurling me into the galaxy of drunkity DRUNK.

(Two martinis! Just two!)

(Drunk, I tell you!)

D and I returned home around 10:30pm, I set the alarm for 6:00am (our local coffee shop only sells 5 copies of the NYT and I HAD TO HAVE ONE. Or three.), and clumsily plopped my head on the pillow.

Whoah. Spinning.

I groggily mumbled “UGH”, grabbed my pillow and trudged into the living room, where I attempted to watch the nightly news with one hand covering my left eye. You know, to reduce the television rotation.

(Two martinis! Just two!)

(Lightweight, I tell you!)

I must have succumbed to one hell of a deep slumber because I woke up at 2am on the couch, completely disoriented and apparently very hot, evidenced by my turning the thermostat ALL THE WAY in one direction to cool off the room.

I made it to the bedroom, crashed into bed and immediately fell asleep.

What happened next can only be described as moderately painful. The alarm went off. My mouth was dry. It felt incredibly hot in the bedroom. I stumbled into the living room, or what felt like the fiery pit of hell, looked at the thermostat and the room temperature was registering a balmy 86 degrees. I had turned the thermostat the wrong direction.

(Two martinis! Just two!)

(Idiot, I tell you!)

Did any of you see the Sex and The City episode where Miranda drinks 1,000 martinis with the extremely good-looking detective and wakes up with the worst hangover in the history of mankind?

That was me.

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Still not getting a crystal clear visual?

How about this.

miran1.jpg

Luckily, I made it to the coffee shop in one piece. Wearing jeans, my pajama top, and smelling of vodka. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have PAID anyone to believe that was me in the photo.

Let this be a lesson to you all. Butterflies and alcohol do not mix. Go forth and spread the word, my friends.



COMMENTS (34)

Comments

  1. Word.

    *With one hand covering my left eye*

    *Not that I know what you are talking about*

    Still happy for you. Yay!

    *One hand covering my left eye*

  2. A belated congratulations! A great article about my favorite blogger talking hair, doesn’t get better than that.

    I’ve had one of those *2* drink nights before, things are never pretty the next morning. Very impressed that you made it half dressed to pick up the paper.

  3. Aww congrats on the article! I remember that sex in the city episode and it was hilarious and I know the feeling as I too am a light weight!

    Also what a great photo of you! IN THE NEW YORK FREAKIN TIMES!

  4. your dad is so fun! congratulations – great article!

  5. Hahaha!

    Your dad is AWESOME!

    And ice cream is always a fun part of vacation. Or, ya know, anytime.

    Lightweights, unite! We are cheap dates! We don’t need to pregame! We rock!

  6. That kind of a hangover happened to me a few weeks ago, after a mere THREE beers.
    I had those THREE beers over the course of THREE hours while watching the Final Four games out at a bar with a friend, and yet I spent half the next day praying for the sweet release of death. WTF?
    Oh, yeah, and a belated congrats on being all famous and shit. Did you get a sufficient number of NYT copies?

  7. That is absolutely my favorite episode of SATC ever, for 2 reasons. (1) Miranda falls asleep in that ENORMOUS gold clamp necklace, which only someone who is truly drunk would be able to sleep in. It’s like a damn cervical collar. Also? (2) I covet the insane animal print dress that Carrie is wearing when she gets mugged. I. Want. It. Now.

  8. How exciting! Congratulations on being in the NYTimes! That is completely awesome.

    I feel your spinny pain. If my 22 year old self could see me now, she’d sneer and belt down another one in contempt.

  9. Ugh…I hope you are feeling better. Just reading about your symptoms makes me feel quesy. And I’m pretty sure two martinis would kick my ass, too.

  10. I love your dad.

    Hope you knocked out that hangover. Cookies and milk (and Ibuprofin) before bedtime helps.

  11. Don’t feel bad. It could’ve been worse. You could’ve thrown up on your new carpet OR locked your husband out of the house and then proceeded to go deaf and pass out on the kitchen floor. (The last option was actually the result of a Sex in the City girls only martini party that I drug my husband to…not good….)

    Good times La Cucaracha!!

  12. Man oh man, I want that 6-foot-tall statue of Captain Hook in my house ALL THE TIME. It’s not just for vacations!

  13. A belated congratulations on the article–it was great and you looked fabulous.

    Thanks for the visual on the hangover–the hair change cleared things right up.

  14. what a lovely family photo! and i totally knew the SATC episode before you showed miranda. that’s how much i am committed to that show.

    and i have to be honest. i was up after midnight on wed (well i guess thur) and therefore just checked the nytimes website and saw you there on my computer. but it was more exciting to read the print version!!

  15. Is it sad that I just watched that episode this weekend? I certainly hope not. Ahem.

  16. haha! The Miranda visual is hi-larious. And the La Cucaracha video – too much.

    Congrats again. That’s just so cool.

  17. Are you sure that’s Captain Hook? It looks a bit like Captain Morgan.

    And if youa re using Ketel One, you can never have too many martinis.

  18. dude…you are way hotter than Miranda.
    just saying :)

  19. The screenshots alone made me urpy on your behalf. A hangover is by far the worst. feeling. ever. It takes me AT LEAST three days to fully recover from one.

  20. Although I thought it impossible, I love you even more for loving vodka.

  21. I am sure that only half a martini would send my head spinning. Two isn’t so bad…. right?! The video was too cute, and the photo show was hilarious!!

    What is the deal with the giant Captin Hook..?

  22. Congrats! I hate that I don’t get the NYT during the week anymore. It takes more time to look it up online but in your case, I am willing!

  23. You’re so famous, I’ll bet the butterflies were worth it ;)

  24. Your dad is beyond cool…Wito is adorable, and D. is very handsome :o) The jinormous Captain Hook….I guess he’s okay too. Was he holding a bottle of Captain Morgan’s when you arrived?

  25. Holy crap, Whoorlie girl! You’re famous!!! (And gorgeous, too)! Congratulations! I hope your hangover is long gone by now, but if not, I strongly believe in the healing powers of extra-spicy bloody marys and scrambled eggs. (bloody mary in a glass, scrambled egg on plate. Do not mix the two.)

  26. My God you ARE a hair genius! You can even make Miranda’s hair look good. Wow.

    Too bad about the hangover. I’ll keep your words of caution in mind.

  27. Congrats on the article – that is AWESOME!

    You now need business cards that read: fashion maven. Do it!

  28. Okay, as insane as it sounds? That story actually made me a little nostalgic for the carefree days of being–ahem–“overserved” and waking up with Mystery Bruises of Drunkenness and only vague recollections of the night before. Ah, memories. (Can you tell I’m nearly eight months pregnant?)

  29. And again I say, warn your dad that one day I will arrive on his doorstep bearing cocktails. It will be fun!

  30. bishOp stu tu says:

    whOOrl gOOrl,

    I have been thinkin’ aboot having some gray added to my hair…what do you think?

    always thought you were headed to NYC…after your splendid performance in the wizard of oz.

    buttons poppin’ off da shirt…kudOs…nuff said.

    break a leg, da cucaracha mOn…also the twinkle twinkle little star mOn.

    yo dad

  31. did your dad, for real, just say “off da shirt…kudOs…nuff said”? REALLY? because he is my hero.

  32. Your article was fantastic and congratulations! And your Parent Dish responsibilities morphing? do tell!

  33. The video was the best birthday present ever (yes, it’s my bday today!)

  34. You had me at six foot statue of Captain hook, great blog!!!