Zeus? Hera? Where’s the God of Teeth when you need him?


Exactly how long does it take for molars to obtain permanent residence in a toddler’s mouth? I mean, REALLY, folks.

I distinctly remember Dr. Hot noticing how swollen Wito’s gums were at his 12-month checkup. And I distinctly remember Dr. Hot remarking about how swollen Wito’s gums were at his 15-month appointment. And I distinctly remember Dr. Hot’s thick, wavy deep brunette hair brushing his cheekbone, but that’s neither here nor there.

Three of Wito’s first-year molars have officially made their appearance, but they are turning my boy into a raging psychopath. Today, he followed my every movement, whimpering and whining and shuffling, and you know what? It was really tugging at the good ol’ heartstrings for awhile- up until the point when I tried to pick him up and he swatted at my face. Okay, more of a flailing-arm-that-happened-to-hit-my-face, but C’MON!

Oh, I’m so sorry, little fella! I thought that you literally stepping on my heels with your hands up in the air (and looking at me with those desperate, red-rimmed I NEED YOU eyes) meant that you actually wanted me TO PICK YOU UP. Obviously, that wasn’t the case, as you made it extremely clear with your well-placed bitch slap.

Dear God of Teeth, give me my baby back.

In other news, he is officially asleep and I am drinking vodka. No tonic, no soda, just vodka. And some ice. And an olive. Am very happy.



  1. Wito’s birthday twin, Molly, is going through the same damn thing! She has 3 all the way through and one pesky molar that is just part way and she is a total bear. At 9.5 months she only had 2 teeth, then a couple more popped through at 13 months and then at 15 months ba bam a total of 11 teeth now. I guess it’s good that we’re getting it done all at once, but still! So have you heard about the horrible eye teeth yet? those REALLY suck…much worse than molars!

  2. Ever tried Teething Tablets?? They are made by Hylands, and in all honesty….probably one of the only things that has gotten me through the whole teething process…I am a mom to four boys and on most days I would consider myself fairly sane….although a good dose of alcohol does a girl good any day. Try these out… http://www.hylands.com/products/teething.php

    I’ve tried the Hylands tablets several times, but unfortunately, they don’t do a thing for Wito. *crying in my vodka*

  3. Maybe he needs a nip of the vodka, or whiskey or whatever when his molars are wreaking havoc in his wee little mouth. Just a thought. If it works for mama….

  4. Sam got about one a month, starting at 15 months. Combine the last one with the 18 month sleep regression and I have basically been a zombie (um, even moreso than normal) for the last month.

    Um, he also started hitting around the same time. I’ve had pretty good success at getting him to do something else with his hands instead – every time he looks like he’s going to hit me, I tell him to clap, and sometimes he gets excited/frustrated/whatever and just starts to clap. Without being told to! If I sound like I am patting myself on the back, I am. Because while I know perfectly well that I probably have little to do with his new coping skill, I need to make myself feel better. And I don’t have any vodka.

  5. I know your pain, and vodka is really the only option. Drink up, my friend.

  6. I don’t know about a god of teeth but Apollonia is the saint of teeth and dentists. Plus vodka, but I don’t know who the saint of vodka is. Someone Russian, perhaps.

    Apollonia! Thank you!

  7. you know my “thing” for vodka….

    i used to rub baby oragel – nighttime formula on celia’s mouth anytime she’s sqawked along with ibuprofen. (moira never really complained during her teething episodes.)

    and drank vodka.

  8. Um. Cheers.

    Emily’s doctor told me a month ago that she saw swollen gums.

    No molars to be see but a WHOLE LOT OF NEEDY GOING ON.

    Again, cheers.

  9. Yeah, we’re in the same boat over here as well. My little boy Owen (16 months on the 19th) has had a few ugly weeks where the gums were just swollen, but tonight has been by far the worst–massive drooling/gnawing, crankiness and no sleeping for longer than 20 minutes unless I’m holding him.
    Unfortunately I don’t drink–but tonight’s ugliness has sure made me wish that I did.

    I also second on those Hyland tablets doing nothing. We tried them for the first few teeth and the few times that I could keep them in Owen’s mouth long enough for them to dissolve…eh, the baby Tylenol/Motrin did a better job. Just my 2 cents.

  10. benjamin is over 4 years old, and the husband and i STILL speak (in horror) of the his one year molars. five nights of him SCREAMING in our bed in between us. good time. amazing we had another.

  11. Oh how I feel your pain. We’ve been experiencing the molars of doom here for over two months. It is hell on earth.

    We now spend our days being trailed closely by a whining toddler here as well. Misery loves comany.

  12. Sorry to hear Wito’s not feeling any better yet. Vodka for you, Motrin for him. Hope it gets better soon.

  13. hello, chiming in to add my tale of woe. Teething has stopped life over here at the Super Whites this week. My drink of choice has been wine, lots of!

  14. Uh, you’re scaring me! I’m due in February. I’m guessing I should register for some vodka too???

  15. My little big dude is about the same age as Mr. Wito, and also is sporting the Swollen Jaws of Doom (and the attitude to match). Suckity. Wish I had some awesome advice (this is my second go-round). We’re going through Tylenol like ain’t nobody’s business, and I spike my evening pot of coffee with Bailey’s or something like it. Cheers!!

  16. My darling Isabel (15 mo) is going through the same thing.
    1 molar has come through and I can feel the others on their way.
    I bought the teething tablets after your last tooth post. Not sure
    if they have helped or not.
    Motrin, however is our very BEST friend!
    Good luck!
    ps – Go Jayhawks! (I’m from Kansas)

  17. They take forever. It sucks. But then you have them and you’re done and it’s better than croup or the flu. Sort of.

  18. I’m going to go ahead and drink some on your behalf. You’re welcome.

    (I hope he feels better soon!)

  19. who needs gods when you have vodka flowing like nectar?

  20. *reads comments in horror*

    My 7 month old is not allowed to get any older. I can’t handle the nightmares you people speak of!

  21. My mom used to put whiskey on our gums.

    Probably explains a lot.

    But she said it worked.

    Do they make a baby Orajel or something?

  22. We are in the same boat here…..My little babe’s teeth take forever to fully cut through the gums. It’s been fun! I HATE giving Tylenol and/or Motrin, but seriously I have to do it. Teething tablets are a placebo here…they do nothing for him!

  23. Thanks for reminding me of those days. I remember the bitch slaps very well. Good times!

  24. Give him some vodka. I hear it helped with teeth. Ha!

  25. Little ‘Ny has been trying to cut her second molars for what seems like months now. I have been giving her Hyland’s Teething Tablets and Tylenol at bedtime to ease her pain and let her sleep through the night. I was doing good until last night. She was up at 1:45am wimpering then again at 5:50am wimpering. Poor thing. After the God of Teeth answers your prayer let them know I am still waiting!

  26. I hope your teething issues have passed, but just in case they haven’t I wanted to share my tip (many others may have already said this but I didn’t go up and read all the comments). I used a homeopathic product called “Camillia” by a company named Boiron (www.boiron.com). We can get it here at the grocery store and some drug stores. It worked for my guy like a charm.

    Otherwise, may it pass son for you :)


  1. […] Sorry when I met you I was sick and could hardly talk and was therefore extremely boring. Wito, grow those molars pronto, […]