Disaster Pie

59

Since Wito has officially graced us with his presence for an entire year, I received the go-ahead from my pediatrician to feed him whatever we eat. (Except peanuts, I know. OHMYGAHDON’TLETHIMTOUCHAPEANUTI’MHYPERVENTILATING.)

This new piece of culinary information has literally thrown me into a tailspin. He’s supposed to eat what I eat? Like burritos? And Frankenberry cereal? Huh? This can’t be right- Wito eats Cheerios, cheese, fruit, English muffins and Earth’s Best baby food. End of story.

Well, I guess things must change. Except, we eat dinner after he’s asleep. How is that supposed to work? I’M LOOKING AT YOU FOR SOME ANSWERS, DR. HOT. Am I supposed to be this highly confused about the matter? You would think someone just requested me to explain why Danny didn’t win So You Think You Can Dance.

This is the part where you come in to save the day. What do/did you feed your 1-year olds? (Who go to bed at 6:30-7:00. Long before our dinner commences.)

Well, I’ll tell you what you SHOULD NOT feed toddlers or frankly, any adults on the planet Earth.

Olive Pie.

Darren and I really thought we were onto something with this whole Olive Pie idea. We had been emailing for weeks about our sinful love for green olives, and how our Olive Pie could possibly be the closest thing to God. Olive Pie Lovers Unite! I spent some time searching for recipes on various popular food websites, but couldn’t seem to find much more than a British recipe for an olive and anchovy pie.

(Note to self: If you can’t find a recipe online, it’s probably NOT because you’ve brilliantly come up with the next culinary delight to sweep the nation. Nope, it’s definitely because your idea SUCKS.)

Yet, Darren and I forged ahead, ignoring all of the naysayers and pie-hatas. We decided to use a variety of green olives, red onions, mushrooms, sun-dried tomatoes and feta cheese all mixed together in a flaky pie crust. (See? Sounds downright delish!)


Very special ingredients.


Very special pie crust.

How could this not be wonderful? I KNOW! Darren jumped right in…


I hope you don’t mind, I started chopping already.


Does it look like I mind? Could you hand me that bag of chips over there?


People don’t even know what’s about to hit them. We are the pie masters.


Now, you have to admit. This looks pretty good, right?


Here I am holding the pie and wondering why a faint putrid odor has invaded my nasal membrane. Actually, I’m wondering lots of things.

1. How is this pie going to stay together when we cut into it?
2. Why are the olives shriveled? And smelly?
3. Are sun-dried tomatoes supposed to look like that?
4. Do I really like olives as much as I previously thought?
5. OHMAHGAH, are some of these olives non-pitted?
6. What kind of an asshole would try to make an olive pie?

But wait! We were prepared for this! We saved half of the filling AND an extra pie crust, ready to improve our pie. We decided raw egg could be the glue for our misunderstood pie! YES! We mixed one raw egg with the remaining filling, took one whiff of the stinky cheese/olive/raw egg mixture and…

We all know where this is leading, yes?


Whoorl and Darren’s Olive Pie, Rest in Peace.


I can’t believe I’m related to this woman.



COMMENTS (59)

Comments

  1. OMG! Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

    I especially like #6 on the list of things you were thinking.

    Personally Olive Pie sounds outright revolting to me but then again that’s pretty much how I feel about olives. If I liked them, I’m sure it would have seemed like a great idea.

    AND, do not, under any circimstances, feed that to Wito. I am sure whatever came out the other end would be much, much worse.

  2. I am so going to be coming back to check up on the comments for this one! No, not because you’re olive pie looked really nasty but because I very well may try feeding that to my 1-year old some nights when I’m absolutely desperate. (Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration but you get the point.) Most nights I rely on Gerber for ideas for her dinners and it’s killing me with guilt. Hopefully you’ll get some great suggestions and we can all benefit :) So thanks for having the same dilemmas! Glad I’m not the only one…

  3. (Precious bitch… I love it!)

    The pie sounded questionable when I read about it on Twitter, but looked good pre-baked. The aftermath sounded horrid.

    We have done the same thing since sprouting children… eating dinner after they go to bed. Unless I can get my buns in gear at 4pm everyday and cook, the chicks are asleep by the time Andrew and I eat. So yes, we too feed the kids different food than we eat.

    Paige (13 mo.) eats soft fruits and steamed veggies, whole wheat toast, small bites of quesadillas, cheese, yogurt, beans, annie’s mac & cheese and various pastas, and the occasional rotisserie chicken or meatball…and she’ll eat leftovers of things I deem healthy enough for her virgin diet. Oh, and I think Andrew fed her egg today. Makenna used to eat the same things, but has evolved and now only eats preschooler fare: mac & cheese, chicken fingers, Trader Joe’s mini pizzas. And every fruit she can get her hands on.

    Wito is so cute…

  4. It looks like it has the makings of a *lovely* olive salad though! That has to count for something, right?

  5. I’m sure the garbage man will appreciate the loose olive filling after it’s been simmering in the heat of summer in a black garbage can. Mmmm I love the smell of hot rotten olive pie in the morning.

  6. Okay, what if you put olives into a BLENDER and mixed it with other stuff? Like cream cheese?

    I have this blended squash soup recipe that involves squash and cream cheese and a few spices, and it’s awesome. I keep thinking you could maybe translate that to a smooth green olive pie somehow.

    Or maybe I should just let it die. BUT I STILL BELIEVE.

  7. Oh dude, I ADOAH olives, but there is no way I would make the leap to an olive pie, no matter how good you told me it could be. No no no.

    But you know, that mixture would be delightful in a ghetto-Italian torte, layered with garlic cream cheese and provolone.

  8. Sorry about the pie, good idea, not so great final product.

    I’ve started feeding Charlie almost anything we have for dinner, although we have the same eating after the baby is in bed issue. In a pinch scrambled eggs, frozen whole wheat waffles with applesauce on top or annie’s mac and cheese are always a pleaser. I made lasagnae tonight and he gobbled it right up. I guess we are lucky to have a very good eater on our hands.

    A question for you. Were you told no peanut butter at one? I was told we could do creamy peanut butter, just no actual peanuts becasue of their choking hazard. I’ve been giving him peanut butter toast for the last few weeks and he loves it. I guess each doctor has a different opinion.

    I heard no peanuts until 3 IF you have a relative with food allergies. Otherwise, starting at 1 is perfectly fine.

  9. Ok do you really want us to answer you on what to feed Wito? B/c I can pull kid food ideas out of thin air… Let me lay a few on ya.
    cream cheese on flat bread (you can also use the fruited cream cheese)
    jelly on flat bread, mac n’ cheese, chicken nuggets, quesadilla w/ a shmear of refried beans, black beans, raisins, veggie pasta swirls, cheese, gnocchi, sweet potato, potato with cheese, grilled cheese, chicken chunks, every fruit known to man, veggies galore (carrots, peas, beans), hamburger, boca burger, ravioli, spaghettios, yogurt, applesauce…
    I could just keep going, and going, and going…The lists for the triplets are endless. Thank goodness the twins will eat ANYTHING at this age, the boys are getting a bit pickier now, but the girls, they’ll still eat ANYTHING!! :) God love ‘em…
    And they eat before we do. We put all 5 down for bed between 630/7p and then our dinner is on the table at 715. That’s adult time.
    As for your olive pie, I thought it sounded pretty bad to begin with, but I gave you and Darren props for trying.

  10. maybe it wasn’t meant to be a “pie” but something else because all those ingredients are yummy.

    my nephew, recently one, eats avocados, bananas, oatmeal, french fries (he loooooves them) and can totally suck down a grape juice box like nobody’s business. 100% juice of course.

  11. The transition to totally self-feeding “adult” foods is hard. Emily (14 mos.) eats a bunch of macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, PB&Js, chopped up pieces of chicken (buy a rotisserie chicken and it will feed the beast for a week or more), various bread products (frozen waffles and pancakes are great, sans syrup), whatever veggies I feel like cooking/defrosting for her, cut up hot dog, etc. What’s wacky is that she likes all kinds of stuff we eat that I wouldn’t think of feeding her — edamame, spinach pasta in pesto sauce, etc. My doc told me you have to try to feed something to them 20 times before considering it rejected. Oh, she also loves banana (obviously), blueberries, plums . . . I mean, just whatever you feel like giving him is totally fine now. Throw some shit together and call it a meal!

  12. We skipped baby food and have fed Sam table food from the get-go. He eats everything we allow him to eat, which is everything but meat, with limited dairy. For protein I give him lots of tofu, hummus, eggs, and beans. And I defy allergies and let him eat peanuts all the time. He also still nurses – I think I remember that you switched to formula, right? There is no reason to stop giving him a few bottles a day, which pretty much eliminates worry about nutrients and lets him figure out flavors and textures with no pressure.

  13. I dunno…I think the pie has potential. Maybe if you scrapped the feta and sundried.

    At one year, our doc gave us the go-ahead to feed the boy sushi. Good thing, since he’d been begging for it at the sushi bar for a while at that point. Note to internet: teaching your toddler to order hamachi will make you very popular with your sushi chef.

  14. Maybe if you added the Frankenberries to the pie? ;)

  15. I agree, the ingredients for the pie sound fabulous, but maybe they need to be a tiny bit “diluted” by something more than a pie crust…

    My son Scott was fed table food and homemade baby food from the beginning, but now he is a nightmare eater. He mostly lives off milk and graham crackers. But sometimes we get lucky and he will eat the veggies and chicken chunks out of leftover stir frys and curries. As for the different meal times issue, that happened with my daughter and I almost liked it because she ate WAY healthier than we did for a long time. Frozen veggies, precooked chicken, breads/bagels, quesadillas, grilled cheese, leftover noodles, fruit, canned veggies, cheese, fresh tomato chunks, beans, rice/couscous, etc. Good luck!

  16. I’m cracking up about the frankenberries added to the pie idea…but hey it made a great story! I think you should illustrate all your stories with pictures like this (and hair shots).

  17. the only time olives are good in anything – mixed with cream cheese or in a good stiff drink.

  18. You were a brave woman for even trying. Good on you for dumping it though…I can’t imagine the aftermath on your digestive system!

  19. oh man I just love you. this is hilarious. I can see where you were going with this olive pie thing, it had POTENTIAL. Sad ending though, huh. Maybe you needed to mix some vodka in there or something?

  20. That’s a whole lot of really intense ingredients. I probably would have traded in the pie crust for some Trader Joe’s pizza dough and make a pizza using the onion, mushrooms and feta (and maaaybe a few sun-dried tomatoes). Then, what I would do with those green olives is add some really cold gin to them (sapphire or Hendricks should do). Either that, or feed them to my 1-year-old–he’d eat em’.

  21. um, yeah. that’s gross.

  22. my son will eat hummus for every meal. he can eat about a quarter of a huge container of red pepper, roasted garlic or plain hummus, at one sitting. he is 11 months old. and a gigantic child. he eats earth’s best baby food too. and hummus. i am grateful for all these ideas here, because i think we need to mix it up a little

    maybe someone will like some of our ideas:

    hummus
    hummus
    hummus
    cheerios
    earth’s best organic cheese crackers in big bird shapes
    plain yogurt
    yobaby yogurt (a lot of sugar, though)
    regular, adult applesauce w/out sugar
    bagels or mini bagels
    little shreddies of organic chicken if we’ve made some
    “organic greens with envy” from trader joe’s in the frozen food section. i microwave some and then put them in a little mini food processor i bought for 8 dollars at the drugstore. then i mix them with hummus. he loves them.
    tater tots
    little bits of string cheese
    hummus
    pirate’s booty

    all dairy and salt.
    oh, he likes capers and kalamata olives cooked with tomato paste and baby plum tomatoes over lentils.
    maybe he’d like olive pie.

  23. sorry – wanted to clarify. cascadian farm makes organic tater tots in the frozen food section of whole foods.

    and i forgot: tofu mixed with hummus.

  24. Why don’t you save your and hubby’s leftovers (or make extra if there won’t be any leftovers) and give to Wito the next day at dinner. I’m sure you might be eating better things than quick kid dinners. Also 1 less meal to cook. At lunch why dosen’t he eat the same as you are having as well.

    I think the pie idea has potential but maybe not in pie form. How about little flatish tartlets – puff pastry, sliced olives, tomatoes slices or chopped sundried tomatoes, oregano, parmesan. Well anyways something along those lines.

  25. Is Darren wearing the “OOPS” apron? B/c I soooooooooo kept mine in spite of all the post BlogHer scrappage over how sexist that was to assume female bloggers COOK.

    And? I’m a huge olive pan, but not a fan of quiche or pies … so, glad to see you tossed it

  26. The pie sounds heavenly! You could put it all onto a pizza crust, I guess. I’m so sad it turned out to be The Nast.

  27. bishOp stu tu says:

    dearest whOOrl gOOrl,

    This experiment was entirely too GREEK…just ANOTHER bad GRECIAN idea, as is buttal sex.

    They have had many bad ideas through the centuries…lost an empire.

    Get back to yOUr rOOts…chicken fried steak and Ron Paul for President.

    tankee, da bishOp

  28. I guess others have said this, but I’ll say it again: leftovers from yours & D’s meal the night before, cut up into small pieces for Wito, would probably work for his dinner. Keep in mind that some kids prefer food cold or room-temp, even when it sounds gross to adults (my daughter LOVES cold spaghett). All other suggestions above sound good. Keep feeding him what you know he likes and is good for him, and offer him bites of whatever you’re eating, too. (Honey is another food you shouldn’t give to the under-2 set, btw.)

  29. Have you made the Pioneer Woman’s Olive Bread? I beg of you, please try that before moving forward with more Olive Pie. Please!!!

    My son is about 5 weeks older than Wito. He eats anything. Except for broccoli, but I can trick him into eating by mixing it with Mac and Cheese. We eat dinner after he is bed also, so I usually end up making two meals. That works out okay, though, because his diet is much higher in fat than I would prefer to eat everyday. Although, have you tasted mac and cheese made with whole milk? I understand why my boy can’t get it in his mouth fast enough.

    I love the ideas that other readers have shared, since I am looking for some ideas to start sending in his lunch (yes, I have to pack his lunch. Crazy. He is one, not in kindergarten!) By the way, at Chipotle (I noticed your cup) they will make a small cheese quesadilla in the steamer.

  30. Hey I am at work so I havent read through all the comments…(like you care huh?) :) Someone may have given you this idea already but honest to god my child lives off of left overs and Chef boyardee they have these new little tiny meals in a little tiny bowl my 1 1/2 yr eats about half of those some cheese and fruit. But honestly what ever you eat same some and feed it to him the next night. here is the link:
    http://www.chefboyardee.com/tasteefood/microwavables.jsp

    PS the pie looked great and you could have totally fooled me on it :)

  31. Olives belong in ketel one. Shaken, not stirred.

    And I do love me some olives, also sundried tomatoes, but bleh…just bleh. If you try to feed me olive pie while I’m there, I think that might be the end of our friendship.

  32. I am so glad you asked this question, since Jackson is 11 months old today, and has refused baby food as of last week. This weekend he had a deconstructed chicken soft taco, a grilled cheese sandwich, steamed broccoli, a cheese quesadilla, watermellon, banana, peas, carrots, and corn (all steamed), shredded cheese and cubes of cheese. We also eat after he goes to bed, and I didn’t want to have to start cooking dinner while trying to keep an eye on him at the same time. The idea of leftovers is so smart (duh! slaps forehead) so we will be trying that too. So far, the only thing he spits out is avacado and cottage cheese. I don’t blame him on the cottage cheese. Can’t wait to get other ideas from all the comments!

  33. Olives make me cringe. So this pie, even just the image and thought of it, made me throw up in my mouth a little.
    You get an A for effort though.
    As far as what to feed a one year-old, here’s what Avelyn’s menu consists of:
    1. Frozen blueberries. She’d eat the whole bag if she could.
    2. Corn bran cereal. High fibre makes for nasty turds though.
    3. Fruit out the wazoo. We live in an orchard town so she’s lucky enough to eat everything in season: cherries, peaches, plums, raspberries, etc.
    4. Cheese. Oh, she’s got her mommas lust for cheese.
    5. Peeled cucumber chunks.
    6. Thinly sliced deli meat (turkey’s her fave).

    She eats these things pretty much everyday.

  34. The bigger question is: How do you people get your kids to go to bed so early! and FIVE KIDS?? all in bed by 7?? I have one 2 year old, and if we waited for him to be asleep before we ate dinner, we’d have to call it breakfast.

  35. I was hoping the olive pie was a success… it sounded soo good and looked like it could possibly be good. Sort of.

    Jack is lactose intolerant… and he STILL has bad acid reflux, and he pretty much hates most meat. So we struggle to come up with things to eat. He loves soy yogurt and soy cheese, quiche, avocados, blueberries, bananas… well any fruit really, sauted spinach (yeah, I know), turkey meatballs, turkey sausage, spinach and artichoke breaded veggie bites, pumpkin pancakes, scrambled eggs… I’m sure there’s plenty more but at least that gives you some ideas. Today we are trying almond butter and jelly sandwiches. We’ll see.

  36. I think my favorite moment was when we were picking things out of the pie to snack on, and I said, “Well, the feta’s good. Have you had that?” And you were all disgruntled and said, “Pft. I have feta in my salads all the time. Fuck feta.”

    This really was without a doubt one of the most horrid things I have ever put in my mouth. And I don’t get it because the ingredients apart from one another are so good, so why wouldn’t they work together?!

    I still have high hopes for my homemade scotch, tequila, and coffee ice cream…

  37. That was a fabulous post. Too funny :)

  38. Have you thought of chopping up the pie ingredients (minus the crust, of course) and making a sandwhich with it? Or maybe a crostini topping? Adding a little cream cheese?

  39. Natalie 42 says:

    Holy wow.

    It indeed has potential. I have made olive, feta, onion and tomato tarts before and have also made the same in phyllo dough. Both delicious. I found mixing just tomato and olives together for both the phyllo and regular tarts got the best response from my peeps.

    As for those sun-dried tomatoes…did you rehydrate them? Oh, and olives with pits? So completely suck when you bite one. Holy shit, I had never cussed so much in my life.

    Anyhoo, if you want some recipes I’ll send some your way.

  40. Okay, your dad (da bishop?) is HILARIOUS!!

    (I was browsing your comments)

  41. Definitely highly amusing

  42. I’ll definitely be checking back for ideas because my daughter is just about Wito’s age. Our big issue now is that she only wants to feed herself, which eliminates a whole range of my previous staples (i.e., yogurt, beans) since she can’t really use a spoon.

    Most nights, we feed her whatever we’re eating, ’cause I work during the day and usually want to keep her up to spend some time during the evening, but I’m hurting for lunch ideas.

    Some things that have worked so far (oh, yeah, we’re vegetarians, so that cuts out some things)–cheese, any kind; all manner of fruit; peas; roasted veggies, cut up; toasted cheese on bread; hummus; ravioli, usually cut up. Wow…that’s a boring menu.

  43. Captain Obvious says:

    Regarding “wondering a lot of things” I must say I firmly agree with number 6.

  44. hahaha how funny

  45. I applaud you for not letting pride get in the way of tossing a putrid pie, although I agree that there MUST be some use for such yummy ingredients…maybe as pizza toppings?

    As for what to feed a one-year-old, I can’t say exactly, as I’ve never been a parent to a one-year-old. But my own father loves to brag that he had me eating sushi before I could walk, and I still love the stuff. Someone else mentioned sushi, so I’m thinking you might want to try out some of that already cooked stuff (think California Rolls…) on Wito and see what he thinks!

  46. My mom has a major peanut allergy and we waited till Rt was 2 yrs old to try peanut butter. He beat us to the punch and ate 2 peanuts at his 2nd birthday party without our knowledge. He was fine.

    He has flown over 20 times on Southwest, so I knew he wasn’t that allergic if he didn’t react to the peanut odor on the plane.

    :)

  47. Pasta. One year olds dig pasta.

  48. Annie’s Organic Shells and Cheese. I’m not an organic kind of person, but I just can’t actually give Asher the Kraft powdery stuff knowing that it isn’t real cheese. I mean, its fine for ME, but it icks me out for him. At least right now it does. Check back with me in a year or so.

    Also on our menu regularly: hummus, blueberries, any kind of pasta, hamburgers, turkey burgers, guacamole, chicken/turkey deli meat, green beans, and CHEEEEEESE ALL KINDS OF CHEESE ALL THE TIME YUMMMMMMMY. Also yogurt.

    Here’s what I’m trying to do to give him some of the food we eat (we also eat after he goes to bed): I save a little of whatever we ate to feed to him the next day. So he can try what we eat, it’s just that he tries it as leftovers. Tomorrow Asher’s trying turkey burgers and parmesan steak fries. Because we just finished eating them tonight.

  49. side note to side bar, haven’t you already tried bangs? i think i remember you wishing you hadn’t. i thought they weren’t so bad!

  50. Umm yeah, so that pie looked delicious. I almost want to try making it for myself, just to see if I get the same results. Because, seriously, I love everything in it.

  51. We had the same eating/bedtime dilemma at our house. We wanted expose our son to what we were eating though…since we didn’t want to get into the habit of making a special meal for the kid. To get around it, we would put aside a small portion of our evening dinner and serve it to him the next night at his dinner time. Much of what we exposed him to was pretty sophisticated for a toddler (like olives and feta), so we’d encourage him to taste it and give him something we knew he’d like too.

    Too bad the olive pie didn’t work…it seemed like such a yummy idea.

  52. So, I’m not a mom, but I’m an AMAZING aunt and consider myself pretty in tune with the needs and likings of children, based on education and experience (I should use this sentence on my resume…) And thisis what I’m thinking… You people have incredibly cultured children! All toddlers I know eat things like mac and cheese, spaghetti, peanut butter and jelly, hot dogs, blah, blah, blah. And I’m all for giving your kid whatever you eat for dinner – I like the idea of saving a portion for leftovers if they go to sleep before you eat. But seriously – Hummus? Tofu? I can’t imagine eating that MYSELF – none the less feeding it to a small child! Maybe that’s because I live in Iowa and not LA…

  53. I’m a Pacifico girl, myself. God, you guys are soooooooo cute.

  54. Wow — I can’t think of anything else I’d feed Charlie that isn’t already somewhere in your comments! My only 2 cents to add: I always give Charlie sandwiches made with almond butter (available at Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods) to avoid the whole peanut thing. Plus, I hear almonds are way healthier even if you don’t have an allergy. He doesn’t even know what he’s missing!

  55. I could so hang out with you people.

  56. i never really did the baby food. i would just mush up what we ate for caleb. – minus all the butter, salt, hot sauce, and goodness that we add.

  57. Every single ingredient in that pie is on my “never eat as it is heinous and disgusting to me” list.

    That being said, I think you should try chopping it all finely and combining it with bread dough of some sort. Like olive loaf, only with a higher dough-to-extras ratio.

    I bet it would look like hell, but taste like heaven.

    Or you could put JUST the tomatoes and olives into a bread dough of some sort, bake it, slice it, then toast it with a tiny slice of raw onion and melty crumbled feta on top. Like a grecian bruschetta.

  58. But did you see this recipe? It might not be so bad… it’s for cheese, onion and olive pie!

    http://sososimple.blogspot.com/2007/07/cheese-onion-and-olive-pie.html

    Good luck! I say keep tryin’!

  59. Our son is 20 months old, so we are well aware the Sesame Street ABCs book “Oscar’s Ode to O!” that includes the following line:

    “We couldn’t eat cold oatmeal, or yucchy olive pie.”

    I guess you don’t keep a copy of “Oscar’s Ode to O!” on hand.

    We found your excellent blog because we were wondering if there is such a thing as olive pie since it seems like something we would like.