I’m In a Great Mood – I Swear!

9

Isn’t it strange how your personal quirks can manifest in the most unlikely of places? I’m definitely a first-born, Type A personality. Most of it is internalized- I spend an exorbitant amount of energy trying not to project my unreasonably high expectations on people around me, but through the act of suppressing such issues some just pop up in the most seemingly benign situations…blah, blah, blah. Oh, fuck it. Some things just really bug the shit out of me.

Thus, I present to you Whoorl’s Ten Make-My-World-A-Better-Place Commandments.

1) Thou shalt not eat from the fast food bag until the final destination has been reached.
Yes, that means not even ONE french fry, by God. Have some self-control, people!*

2) Thou shalt not engage in storytelling while driving if it hinders your ability to get from Point A to Point B effectively.
It’s called multi-tasking. Women have been doing it for centuries.

3) Thou shalt stay to the right of the escalator or moving airport thingy so the people in a hurry can pass.

4) Thou shalt respect people’s schedules.
Please don’t leave for an appointment three minutes before you’re expected to be there, arrive late and blame it on traffic. We ALL deal with traffic- how do you think I got here? You know who you are.

5) Thou shalt not be a Sunday Driver.
Get out of the way, Gramps!

6) Thou shalt not invade my personal space standing in line at the grocery store.
You aren’t going to get through the line any faster just because you are breathing down my neck. BACK OFF.

7) Thou shalt only call me on the telephone with relatively important information.
I’m sorry peeps, but I hate the talking on the phone! How many more times do I have to say it?

8) Thou shalt not use your armest AND the armrest of the middle seat on an airplane.
To the gentleman on my right, I am well aware that you are a tall drink of water. To the gentleman on my left, I am well aware that you are 300 pounds. I am also well aware that I am petite. However, that doesn’t mean you can monopolize all of the armrests in the row. And while I have your attention, quit staring at me, my magazine and trying to buy me wine. Thanks a million.

9) Thou shalt not call to tell me I probably shouldn’t say ‘fuck’ on my website since you sent my link to my god-fearing Southern Baptist grandmother, causing me severe acute hypertension, only to tell me you are joking.
NOT FUNNY DAD! BISHOP STU TU IS BANNED FROM THIS BLOG!

10) This is my rotational commandment spot for future annoyances.

* actually, I’m far more concerned with you stealing my fries.



COMMENTS (9)

Comments

  1. I get overly concerned that said pre-destination fry eater is indeed munching my fries. When we arrive home, they will look in the bag and hand me the one with LESS.

    This makes me a tad paranoid, no?

    I think the world would be a better place if people abided by your commandments. Here here for whoorl!

    ;) siz

  2. yes, exactly! they always hand you the one with less fries.

    SO NOT FAIR!

  3. i’m down with the drivers, the non multitaskers and especially the personal space people. i usually turn around and glare and back my ass up to them! get in my space mother fucker!

  4. Two words, whoorl: FAST FOOD. If I can make it faster by eating my fries in the car, that should be no business of yours. I will leave yours alone.

  5. Dev, you wanna bring it on?

    Cause it’s already been brought’n, BEEATCH.

  6. Whoorl, I second all of your commandments (expect maybe the one about fries…not even one hot fry?). If only people would abid by your wise commandments; the world would be a much better place, one in which I was far less annoyed. I’ve actually been inclined to present armrest hogs with an invoice at the end of the flight (costs increase exponentially each time the hog’s arm bumps mine).

  7. Jurgen Nation says:

    Holy crap, I think we may be long-lost twins.

  8. I’m with you on the fast food thing … just wait until we get there. Beside, when you open the bag, it lets out all the hot air, making the fries cold when you get there. I’ll bring it on too!

  9. Okay, I admit it, I totally do the fry thing and it drives my husband nutty. I also have to open anything I buy (lotion, makeup, etc.) on the drive home. You would HATE me!!