The Marriage Ref: Whoorl Edition


Here’s a poll for you. Please vote! Do it for the Whoorl family!

The key details:

Husband is at a Masters viewing party in the neighborhood.

Husband texts saying he will be home when the tournament is over.

Husband returns home one hour and thirty minutes after the tournament ends.

Wife is thoroughly annoyed.

Husband thinks wife is being “ridiculous” by requesting that he send her a quick text at some point letting her know that he will be late.

Question: Is it “ridiculous” that wife requests a text update when husband is running over an hour late?



  1. I love you guys.
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..Just ‘Cuz =-.

  2. Glad I am not the only one with a husband that doesn’t understand this. How hard is it to text to say you are running late?!?

  3. Yes, husband owes you that courtesy. Especially since said wife is home with preschooler and also pregnant. I will never get why men do not get this. It’s like our time is not as valuable.

  4. Running late text is expected. Running late text and chocolate treat/flowers expected when said wife is pregnant at home with toddler.
    .-= txelz´s last blog ..Another Texas Tour in Pictures =-.

  5. If it were not in the neighborhood, 1.5 hours sounds pretty reasonable. Since it was in the neighborhood, it seems a bit much. So I voted no, but it’s juuuuust on the edge for me.
    .-= Annika´s last blog ..Etsy Shop =-.

  6. As the person who usually runs late and forgets to text — I know it’s my fault.

    Thank you for reminding me that it affects my husband too!
    .-= Helen Jane´s last blog ..Helpie Selfie =-.

  7. My answer doesn’t fit in the poll. Basically both answers are right. He was inconsiderate to not notify of lateness. But let it slide this time. But tell him that in future if lateness is not notified about via txt or phone, nuclear terror will result. It’s not cool to set an expectations and then ignore them. Particularly with a little one and being pregnant and all.

    Again: nuclear terror.

    And of course, this rule works both ways, so how you treat it will be how he gets to treat it in future. Though he doesn’t get to carry a baby. :-)

  8. Depends on the sitch, but A and I have this fight every Friday. He has a work happy hour, I get home at 5. He says he’ll pick me up for dinner at 6:15 and I am still tapping my toe at 7:30. RAGE.
    .-= slynnro´s last blog ..Fancy-pants-er-ish. =-.

  9. If it were just you at home, then it would be no big deal for him to be late and not let you know, but being at home with a toddler changes everything. It is only reasonable to want to know when your husband will be home when he is your relief from toddlerville.

  10. Danielle (elleinadspir) says:

    I’d want the text….but after my post today on sleeping routines…I’m not sure I’m the best person to ask on marraige issues. I think I’m getting more than I give these days!

  11. I voted for sending the text. But I can understand how conversation keeps flowing even after an event is over, and you keep thinking you’ll be leaving soon . . then suddenly an hour has gone by. So I understand why he didn’t send the text, but I understand why you’re annoyed. I would’ve been annoyed, too.

  12. You are so in the right on this one. Sorry, D…
    .-= Rebecca (Bearca)´s last blog ..I can’t believe I’m posting this =-.

  13. I’m a little conflicted only because “when the tournament is over” includes 90 minutes after the fact. Like, the tournament is still over now, a day later, you know?

    However, I don’t think that was the intent of the agreement, hence my vote for No.
    .-= RA´s last blog ..Project Sugar Cookie: Attempt #3 =-.

  14. Dude, don’t hate me, but TECHNICALLY speaking, you cannot wage marital warfare unless there was a pre-determined time frame (30 minutes, 60 minutes, etc.) of reasonable “return expectations.” The word “after” is incredibly vague, and if there was no shared expectation of an arrival time, then he gets off on a technicality. Late cannot be defined without shared expectations of what defines punctual.

    People in my life tell me I should have become a lawyer, but I just don’t see it. ;)

    That said, how freakin hard is it to just send a damn text?!
    .-= Jamie´s last blog ..Friday Randomness =-.

  15. Have you ever seen Amelie? If you haven’t, you should.
    There is a part in the movie where the boy is late, and her imagination leads to her thinking he’s been abducted by terrorists.
    This is me. This is why he must call if he’s going to be late.
    My brain says he hasn’t called, he’s dead. Never mind that my brain is a wee bit crazy, it would have taken you 2 seconds to diffuse the crazy.

    Courtesy between spouses is even more important than courtesy between strangers.
    .-= Ariel´s last blog ..Multimedia message =-.

  16. hahaha I love how you clocked him. It’s really his fault for narrowing his scope to such a specific time frame – My dad always gives himself an 1 hour or so of wiggle room, so the wife is pleasantly surprised if he manages to actually leave when he originally intended.
    .-= Jammer´s last blog ..In need of some good eats! =-.

  17. If I had a dollar for every time Mr. J. and I have had this EXACT conversation? Well, I’d have a lot of dollars.

  18. My husband once told me he’d be home by 4. At 4 I called him and he was still over two hours away, sitting at a bar. Never mind that I planned my whole day around his arrival just to avoid taking 3 small children to the grocery store. This now meant I had to wait until he got home at EIGHT PM to go grocery shopping. And then of course he was passed out when I got home and didn’t help me with the groceries. He knows now that if he’s not WALKING THROUGH THE DOOR at the time he said he would be, he has to let me know. It’s just COMMON COURTESY. If Tiger has time to text, D has a minute to spare to say “I’m going to hang out for a while.”
    .-= Melissa´s last blog ..We won’t even discuss a full marathon because if I ever need to get anywhere 26.2 miles away, I’ll DRIVE. =-.

  19. Christina says:

    So glad to hear it’s not just me that feels this way!

  20. In D’s defense, the best part of the Master’s is watching the donning of the green jacket, etc.

    But with that said, that didn’t take 90 minutes.
    .-= Kristabella´s last blog ..Walk Away The Pounds =-.

  21. One of the very top five things I value about the Horse Whisperer is that he generally does what he says he is going to do, including arriving places at a predetermined time. Because of this, when he is late and doesn’t let me know, I’m generally understanding. If, however, this were chronic behavior, HEADS WOULD ROLL.

    Also, if I were pregnant and home alone with a toddler, I would freak the eff out if he were that late. Period.
    .-= abbersnail´s last blog ..Ell Oh Ell, friends. Ell Oh Ell. =-.

  22. Let’s hope he talked about how touching Phil M. was when he talked about his amazing wife…

  23. Replace “Masters” with “video game tournament” and this is my life. It has taken 9+ yrs but now he knows.

    And really, especially if you had planned dinner or anything, totally uncalled for. It isn’t that a much needed break wasn’t warranted, it was lack of respect for not letting you know he was going to be late. Boo!

    Of course – this is a purely hypothetical situation – right? :)
    .-= Nita´s last blog ..Messing Around. =-.

  24. I mean, yeah, I’m a little psycho, but I HATE lateness because I am an extreme worry wart. Plus, it takes 10 seconds to text me & give an update. I voted no.

  25. i am so completely on your side. the number of times this exact subject has come up in our house is too high to count.

  26. OMG we had the EXACT argument yesterday! only it was related to a hockey game. I feel your pain.

  27. We have this same argument, only it’s over time he reported he would leave work vs. time he actually leaves. Dude, either answer is fine, just let me manage my expectations.
    .-= Mama Bub´s last blog ..Team Why Mommy’s Virtual Science Fair =-.

  28. It really takes no time at all to text someone an update, but it takes years off my life worrying that something has happened. Maybe I’m just an old lady in training but the words “dead in a ditch” always start swimming around my head. Not cool.

    We have had this fight a couple of times, he is now aware that I don’t hold anything for people who don’t tell me they are late. If you tell me you’ll be home at 6 unless otherwise notified dinner is at 6:02. If you miss it, that’s your problem. Cuz I’m ridiculous like that!

    And dude, if I was pregnant AND had a little one at home…hooo boy…..Joe Crawford got it right “nuclear terror”.
    .-= Hip Hip Gin Gin´s last blog ..Simple Pleasures: Magnolia Trees =-.

  29. It’s generally irritating when one has to plan or already has plans (i.e. “Am I gonna include you in dinner plans or are you just gonna fend for yourself?” However, all bets are off when you’re pregnant and taking care of a toddler. Rules tend to be in your favor.

  30. this made me legit laugh out loud. i have been in this situation many a time. i don’t know who should have learned their lesson by now-me or him. good luck!

  31. Here’s what I suggest: Next time he’s sick – not dying sick, but sick enough that he would rather lay down – leave him at home alone with a toddler. Then return an hour and a half after you said you would be home and ask him if he would have appreciated a text.

  32. i was married long before text messages, so i believe i’m grandfathered into the old rules. however, i am considerate enough to send a post card if i’m going to be more than 3 days late.

  33. i’m not going to vote b/c i think it depends- if you were preparing a meal, or waiting on him to go somewhere, he should have texted. if you were just bumming around the house feeling lonesome, i’d say let it be.
    .-= Trinity(of haiku tofu)´s last blog ..Fish ‘n’ Chips, vegan-style =-.

  34. In this house it doesn’t matter WHAT is going on at home or not going on at home. If you say you’re going to be here you’re HERE. If you’re not here, you’re on the horn telling the Other WHY. This is the case regardless of whether the one at home is alone, pregnant, or with little people. THAT SAID, being pregnant and having a little person at home too makes the offense all the more grievous.

  35. I voted “no”, but if I’m being completely honest – I voilate this rule all the time about when I will be leaving work.

  36. This wife would have been pissed after thinking he was probably dead or his dialing finger maimed and THAT is obviously why he couldn’t take 5 freaking seconds to text that he’s having fun with the guys and will be home later than expected. Dude, really? It would take 30 seconds to be a good husband to your wife and not let her worry.
    .-= Michelle´s last blog ..How Dave Lost Me Hanging Out With Pioneer Woman. =-.

  37. I HATE waiting for anything, but it would be really annoying if I were waiting for my husband while pregnant. What if I needed my back scratched, for crying out loud???

  38. We have this conversation ALL.THE.TIME. I think it’s 70% “the late person checks in” and 30% “there is an acceptable amount of buffer time after an event.” After the buffer time, the person waiting can call or text to check in, because the bottom line is “Are you ok? I expected you home by now & am getting worried.” Annoyance is a luxury once safety is established.

    That said, I’m curious (because this is the situation that follows the “I’m running late” text): what happens when he does text, admitting lateness? Do you give up the right to be annoyed? Yes, you let me know you are running late, but I’m still getting shafted here, feeling rejected, taken advantage of, or like my time doesn’t matter as much as yours. (or sometimes I just want to know because I COULD HAVE watched an entire episode of that show that you don’t like by now, and wouldn’t THAT have been nice???)

  39. for goodness sakes! you are carrying his child and could have been in labor and he wouldn’t have know that you were boiling your own water preparing your birthplan all because of a stupid ball.

    ahem… so no, i have no clue what you are speaking of about men and tardiness.

  40. Marriage polls! I love it.

    (Do you golf? Have we talked about how I took lessons for years when I was younger, and how my dad wanted me to go to college on a golf scholarship (ha!), before I ultimately decided I would rather run around a track with my stomach dying of nerves than play ten minutes of golf?)
    .-= Kerri Anne´s last blog ..Good Things: Academy Award Winning Movie Trailer =-.

  41. As someone who routinely PLANS for their Person to a) be an hour and a half late, everywhere b) take that long to get out the door, no matter how routine/minor the errand(s)/mission may be, I can only say how jealous I am that you at least got *A* text.

    That being said…I am also a veteran sports widow (really: a primary cause in my deciding to divorce my husband is the La Lakers/my ex’s preference for watching them for SIX HOURS at a stretch over doing anything, anything at all- six HOURS for a 48 minute game…) and I think the Masters is…a pretty big deal. There could be extra celebrating, especially in view of the fact that Phil, not that bastard Tiger, won.

    So I voted “annoying, yes” and am in favor of the tardy text…but I understand the other side.

  42. There is no such thing as a ridiculous request when you are pregnant. And, no, that is not just a silly cop-out…. so says I, your very (8.5 months) pregnant marriage ref official.

  43. Pamela Wright says:

    Sorry, D. You’re getting your ass kicked here. Better start your own blog. Although he could say that he is trying to “community build” with the new neighbors. But still, she’s pregnant which means that Sarah wins every argument automatically. Should have come home with an ice cream sundae – it might have helped.

  44. Pamela Wright says:

    I’m loving the Marriage Ref, btw.

  45. That’s a tough call because neither of you set a clear time so he was probably thinking that you didn’t care and felt that 90 minutes later was completely reasonable. My husband and I had that fight so often that we started saying times when we would expect to be home.

    Me “So you think you’ll be home by 8pm.”
    Him “I guess… Might be a bit later.”
    Me “Okay, I won’t start to worry until 9pm. Let me know by calling or texting if you think it will be later than that.”

    It helps a lot!

  46. I know I’m late to the party on this one, but since Papa has gotten both our girls to watch the Masters with him, and they watch it on the Iphone, so it goes on FOREVER~
    My solution~I’m leaving next year! For the whole entire weekend. Maybe LA (we live north of SF) maybe to New York. Anywhere but home where Papa sits, on the couch with 2/3 of his adoring girls while the other 1/3 of adoring girls tries to go about her daily life.
    Wanna join me??
    .-= anie´s last blog questions~ =-.

  47. This absolutely drives me crazy. Insane. Bonkers.

    I don’t care if you’re going to be gone until midnight. Just don’t tell me you’re going to be home by 2pm and then not show, or call, or text. I know things come up and there are delays, but unless there’s an emergency, surely there’s a 30 minute gap where you can let somebody know (and if there’s an emergency, of course you’d get a hold of me anyway, right? Duh.)