Hair Apparent

48

Y’all know I’ve been working on the FAQ section lately, right? Can you guess the most popular comment/question? Go ahead, guess. Oh stop, I know what you’re thinking…my expansive knowledge of list-making, my razor-sharp wit, my brilliant commentary on environmental policies….

No?

Really? Not any of those things, huh…

Okay FINE, it’s my hair. My shallow (yet SHINY!) hair. And as much as I would like to be recognized for qualities that are admirable in the eyes of others, such is not my calling. My calling is to share the hair wealth. So, I started thinking about putting together a little hair photo essay, very smitten-esque, except instead of gazing at colorful and mouth-watering recipe preparation, you would witness a chick in her robe sans makeup dealing with hair appliances in her bathroom at 7am. Tell me, who doesn’t want to see THAT? It’s genius!

Then the doubt set in, my friends. I’ve been a little on the self-loathing track as of late. Plus, this whole “blogging is lame and narcissistic” movement that I’ve read just about EVERYWHERE. I wavered back and forth between “it would be funny and helpful” and “this might be crossing the blogging self-involvement line”.

And then I realized I don’t give a shit. The End. Let’s get on with the show!

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The cast of characters: A Mason Pearson brush and a good ceramic curling iron. Ladies (and gents?), there is nothing more important than a good brush. I just recently bought a new one, but the previous Mason Pearson I owned (and STILL used) was given to me when I was 8 years old. Forgive my math, but I do believe it lasted 24 years. They are worth the cashola, is all I’m sayin’. As for the curling iron, I have a Hot Tools Tourmaline Ceramic 1-inch iron. Ceramic is super important for the shine, and who the hell knows what the use of tourmaline is supposed to accomplish. (Un)Fortunately, I mentally wandered off to my happy place (the one where you float on chile con queso clouds) while the ULTA sales associate was explaining it to me.

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Frederic Fekkai Glossing Cream and Sheer Shine Mist. These are the only two products I use with the curling iron, and they last forever. In fact, I just buy the travel sizes. I don’t think I could ever get through the regular ones. Plus, you can pack them in your carry-on. Am I always thinking or WHAT?

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Now, stop right there. Any person who, up to this point, has been thinking, “Gee, that Whoorl is quite the narcissist”, needs to take a gander at this mug shot. And then blow me gently. Will you take a look at this sorry soul? This is the face of someone who has already showered at 6:30am because their internet-mascot-of-a-son decided to wake up at 5:15am READY! FOR! THE! DAY! But look at me, diggin’ in and doing it for the team. Holla!

Oh yeah, so step one. Take a shower. Towel-dry hair.

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Put a pea-sized drop of the glossing cream in the palm of your hand. Yes, that’s right- I don’t have man hands. The size of a pea, not a dime, a nickel or a quarter. That cream can get a leeettle on the greasy side. Rub it your palms until it warms and then work it through from the middle to the ends. While working it, look in the mirror, purr and say, “I’m worth it.”

Now, here’s a little fork in the road for everyone. I don’t blow-dry my hair unless forced. However, I know lots of you actually have to BE somewhere looking all hot and sassy in a certain amount of time. So, by all means, please blow-dry your hair at this point. You don’t need to dry it stick straight- just blow-dry while brushing to close the cuticle. (That’s right, I just sassooned you with a little hair terminology). After drying, don’t worry if your hair looks frizzy/lame/heinous/stringy. The curling iron will take care of you.

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Here I am about an hour later, after I completed my morning routine of:

1. Feeding Wito.
2. Cleaning up after Wito.
3. Dressing Wito.
4. Wiping Wito’s bum.
5. Contacting local black market for baby-selling opportunities.
6. Unloading dishwasher.
7. Belittling my husband.
8. Husband belittling me.
9. Drinking 1/2 cup of coffee. (With REAL caffeine! I’m crazy!)
10. Checking Google Reader, Twitter, Flickr and email.
11. Applying a little undereye concealer, mascara and blush.
12. Looking at wavy hair in mirror.

And there you go! Thanks for visiting the Whoorl Hair Photo Essay! See you next time!

Okay, so we’re not done for the purposes of this post, but 85% of the time, this is the end of the road for me. I’m a wash-n-wear kind of gal. Not today, however. Today I’ll be the Super Me. I know what you’re thinking, “What if the super you meets the super her and the super her rejects the super you?” Well, then it’s no problem because it was never you, it was just an act. I live my life like a French movie.

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Bring on the tools!

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Get your sexy brush and work it. Brush with many strokes (so if you have hair like mine, you get the waves to relax a little). Then pin about half of your hair up in a clippy thing.

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At this point, I realize taking photos and using a curling iron at the same time presents a challenge. Enter husband.

“Honey? I know you’re in the middle of drafting, but could I borrow you for a second?”
“Why.”
“I need you to take pictures of me curling my hair.”
“Why.”
“Because I’m doing this photo essay for Whoorl about my hair…you know, how I do it.”
“Why.”
“Because people are always asking about my hair, honey. I thought it would be funny…you know quirky kind of funny…not FUNNY, funny…I don’t think I’m some sort of comedien…comedienne? Comedienne, comedienne…wow, that word sounds kind of funny when you say it repeatedly…comedienne, cah-MEEEE-dienne, cah-meeeee-dieNNE. Heh.”

*silent, judgemental staring*

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Here’s the important part. Up until recently, I wasn’t very familiar with curling irons. I presumed you were supposed to clamp your hair down and then roll upwards like in high school. Stupid, stupid me. Apparently, you don’t use the clampy part at all. (Are you all shaking you heads right now? Like C’MON, everybody knows THAT!)

Basically, hold the iron parallel to your head, and starting a couple of inches from your scalp, wrap a 1-1/2 inch section of hair around the barrel (in the away-from-your-face direction). Continue wrapping up the barrel until you are holding the ends up against the iron and simultaneously trying to keep your fingers from blistering due to the 300 degree heat.

In the above photo, my perfectionist husband is taking his sweet-ass time lining up the shot to his liking, while my defenseless hair cauterizes and falls off.

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“WILL YOU TAKE THE PHOTO ALREADY? IT SMELLS LIKE A DAMN S’MORE IN HERE!”

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*hair breathes a sigh of relief, trembling*

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Repeat. This process shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes. Consider starting a rooster-hair trend. When curling the top layer, use much larger sections of hair to keep from looking too curling-ironish.

Here I am half-way through, thinking the bathroom light makes my skin look peachy-pretty.

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ACK! Natural light! Close the window shade already!

See how curling larger sections on top gives it a less perfectionist look? Because, you know, that’s me, Miss Carefree.

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Spray one spritz of the mist on each side of hair. Let it cool completely.

Look at clock and realize you have 20 minutes until your appointment with you-know-who. Freak out because you’re not dressed and your child is sitting in the living room naked, feasting on an electrical cord.

Yell, “FUCK!” (Just to watch your husband shudder. He does it every single time.)

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Dress yourself, dress your baby, shake your head and put on your new sexpot lip gloss. Take picture of final result. Preview photo, see nothing but blurry. Yell, “FUCK!” again. Take another photo.

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Look at photo. OCD kicks in. Hair is not looking optimal. No time to worry about it. Rush out the door and into the crazy world, spreading the hair joy. Much like a prophet.



COMMENTS (46)

Comments

  1. dude, that was just fabulous. Thank you for making me smile and write down potential hair products all before 9am.

    classic post my fab friend. well done.

    How was the “hot doc visit”? Everything you wanted and more?

    Dr. Hottie was very hot. Per usual. Although, he had a blousy-type button up shirt on and it almost broke the deal entirely. I’ll forgive him for wardrobe offense, but just this time…

  2. You crack me up! And just to let you know, I’ve done hair for 9 years and I’ve never heard of not using the clamp – so you’re giving me a good lesson and I’ll give it a try. Nice locks lady!

    Thanks! And yes, the no-clamp is great!

  3. Cricket says:

    Oh… hot doctors and great hair. Doesn’t get much better then that.
    BTW- You have opened my eyes to the none use of the clampy-thing! I’ve tried curling my hair all cute, and end up having my hair look like it was surgically removed from, like, Marilyn Monroe and reattacted to me. Not a good look. Well, maybe for Marilyn, but not me. Thanks!

    I can’t believe all comments about the clamp! I feel it! I’m starting a trend!!

  4. A very important question for you–how is it your hair looks so great before you even take the brush or curling iron to it? Is the secret in the glossing cream? I would give anything for a wash and go look and spesificly request that with each cut, but it just never happens for me.

    I will definitely be trying the new curling iron technique, to think I’ve been doing it 8th grade style for all these years.

    Thanks Andrea. Honestly, I think the secret’s that I just got lucky with genetics (thanks mom and dad!). I will say that I have many layers cut into my hair, and my stylist thins out my hair with thinning shears on every visit. I think that is the reason it dries without too much frizz or heaviness. A good stylist is the most important – if she didn’t do these things to my hair, I would have quite a heavy mess on my hands. :)

  5. You are too funny!
    Thank you for the lesson and great tips. I plan on using the curling iron tomorrow without the clamp.

    Thank you for sharing. Your blog site is terrific.

    Do it! You’ll love it!

  6. undercover celebrity says:

    Genius. Pure, unadulterated genius.
    But, riddle me this: Why do they bother with the curling iron clamp if you’re not supposed to use it?

    You are supposed to use the clamp. Just like you are supposed to think french manicures are classy and supposed to wear chip-clips in your hair in public for a casual look.

  7. I love how your all “my stylist thins out my hair with thinning shears on every visit”…dude, my hair is so limp and flat that I would be bald if my stylist attempted to thin my hair out. AHHH!!

    But you, my friend, are hott and fabulous.

    (I admit I LOVE posts like this. I’m always looking for ways to improve on my look. Thanks for taking the time to do this.)

    Thanks, Isabel. Power to the hair!

  8. Woman with Kids says:

    I love your hair, it looks great. And sadly? I had no idea I wasn’t supposed to be using the clampy thing. How do I get my ends to not look like electrified straw?

    Please come to my house and teach me.

    The clamp thing just makes hair look, well, clamped. I promise you, not using the clamp part will greatly help the electrified straw problem! House calls…hmmm, interesting idea. ;)

  9. What shampoo do you use? Do you condition? How do you style the back of your hair? Furthermore: that non-wrapping action with the curling iron BLEW MY MIND.

    Hey Annika! Right now, I’m using Infusium Moisturizing shampoo and conditioner because that’s what my husband uses and I’ve been out of mine. Usually, I use Back to Basics Pomegranate. I like them both. As for styling the back of my hair, it’s long enough to part down the middle and bring forward to curl in front of my shoulders. I LOVE conditioner. I leave it on for quite awhile.

  10. Great tutorial WITH humor! I learned something useful, and I had a good chuckle, thank you. I can free now myself from bottom-curling and clamp-using.

    Free yourself!

  11. This IS helpful and funny! And it doesn’t even look like it takes too long. I think I might have to buy a new curling iron… mine is ancient and still crusted with early ’90s big bang hairspray. Yikes! Thanks for doing this!

    Jen, it doesn’t take long at all! I have lots of hair and the curling part takes less than ten minutes (I divide my hair into 10 sections). Please get a ceramic iron- the metal ones will fry your hair. :)

  12. I did the same quasi-narcissistic thing for my readers the other day and dude! so helpful. And so not narcissistic, you’re just trying to help the internet and provide some quality information out there. Everyone should want and needs happy hair and you’re more than willing to put it out there.

    Finally, you wouldn’t mind if I touched or anything in Chicago, would you?

    HB, I saw that post and LOVED it! And yes, you can only touch if I can touch yours…

  13. Freaking awesome. The super me would never reject the super you because you have better hair than I do.

    But I totally want to try this. Need new curling iron stat! The one I have is about 10 years old and METAL rather than ceramic tourmaline or some other mineralistic substance (oh, the horror).

    Rebecca – ULTA has has good ones on sale. Throw that metal thing away!! :)

  14. I have tears welling up in my eyes. seriously, that was soooo good. it was magical! I have similar hair (layers, wavy) and that was some useful shit.

    I also didn’t know the whole thing about not clamping down. dude.

    some questions

    1. when blow drying, do you use a diffuser?
    2. where does the “Be Curly” come in?
    You know what needs to come next, don’t you?!
    A step by step on the straight haired Whoorl.
    Just saying!

    Hi Sunny! First off, due to all of these clamp comments, I’m beginning to think I’ve made this all up in my head, thus inventing the BEST IDEA EVER!!

    As for the blow drying, I do own a diffuser. Do I use it? Not so much. Here’s why – usually, if I am blow-drying my hair, it means I’m doing it straight. If I am planning to wear it wavy, I have found that the LESS I touch my hair, the better. Seriously, if I pull out the diffuser and crunch, my hair ends up looking horrible. So, if I am doing the natural wavy look (no curling iron), I work a quarter-size dollop of Be Curly through my hair and let it air dry. The waves always end up setting very nicely. It kind of sucks if you’re in a hurry, but when I was working, I would just shower very first thing in the morning and by the time I left for work, it would be damp-dry.

    As for the straight hair post, I’ll definitely do that soon!

  15. Ahhh, thank you! You are the best, and a total babe to boot. I’m going to run out and get me some of them products so I can go all Single White Female on your ass.

    Love the “Singles” shout-out, too!

    Nabb, be sure and buy the travel sizes. The larger ones cost 3x more and you’ll never get through them. :)

  16. Oh girl, you kill me, really. “Blow me gently”…. wait, did you mean that the way I thought you did? Am questioning myself now…Anyway, hair looks great. That’s what I do but I always have problems when I get to the back. Oh well. I’ve still got some pretty great strands. Man-hands, Ha-haha. Love it!

    Yes, I meant it exactly the way you thought I did. ;)

  17. Jeanette says:

    Thanks for the hair demo! What color lipgloss are you wearing?

    OH MY! Let me tell you about my lip gloss. It’s NARS Foul Play (thanks to the lovely suggestions by Metalia and Bearca). It is quite honestly, the best creamy pinkish nude I’ve ever seen. It’s my new very favorite!

  18. Total “ah ha!” moment. Don’t use the clamp! That makes sense….I always feel like my hair looks like Ms. America for like an hour until the curl calms down, this makes much more sense…THANKS! My question is, do you just have a little bit of layering on top, do you razor your hair, or just blunt layers. You and I have very similar texture and length, but I am so frustrated with my hair right now. I am wondering if I have too many layers or what my deal is. I wish I could live without bangs, but my face is so fricken long, I have to have something to break up the length. Thanks for the tutorial, totally worth all the time taking pics and putting them into the post.

    Kelly, I have layers all over my hair and they aren’t blunt. The key (for hair like yours and mine) is to thin out the layers so they lie flat on your head. For instance, my stylist cuts my hair (with layers), dries it, straightens it with an iron, and THEN goes through with thinning shears (or a razor) and gets all of the bulk out of my layers. Otherwise, it looks like too much. And I hear you on the long face – me too! Keep the layers and I love your bangs!

  19. as a non-blogger, i live for your beauty and photo posts. this one is both, i am having a great day. as you know i love your hair and i am considering purchasing a curling iron b/c of how good it has been lookin’. i think i might even be able to wear my hair down, you know, controlling the curl. i hope i do your demo justice! glad you are diggin’ ff, he is a glossy feller.

    B – I think this definitely could be the answer for wearing your hair down since the curling iron smoothes out the curls. You must try it and send me a photo!

  20. I vote we all do “the whoorl” and post photos of ourselves!
    I’ll try to do mine tomorrow while my toddler is napping.
    Also, I just discovered they sell Frederick Fekkai in Europe at the Douglas chain! This is a big break through because Paul Mitchell hasn’t been cuttin it at all.

    ACK! Sunny! You’re a mind reader! I am writing my post for tomorrow right now, and I’m going to start a “Good Hair Day” page next to my FAQ page. That way, you all can send me photos of yourselves on a good hair day with links to your blogs (if you have one) and I can post them here. I just set up a new email for this – hair@whoorl.com. Details coming tomorrow, but get ready to send me some photos. :)

  21. perfect post. you were born with incredibly thick hair…be thankful. and my hair stylist doesn’t use the clamp either.

    ok, i know you didn’t ask anything specifically of me…but i’ve replied to all the comments…so HI AMY!

  22. Lyndsay says:

    This post made my day 100% better. Thank you.

    Anything for you, Lyndsay!

  23. Wow, awesome post. It of course makes me covet your hair even more now than I did before. I had heard of the no clamp thing, but with my pin straight hair it doesn’t do well for me. Too bad your hair didn’t go from lush and thick to thin and pin straight, you could help us all ;). If I do go back to curling it though I might invest in a ceramic iron.

    MUST buy ceramic. :)

  24. That was very entertaining! I just bought a hairdryer. can yo believe since i moved I have;t bought one in months? I also just bought Frederic Fekkai hairspray from Sephora. I have been to his salon and paid $110 for the first jennifer aniston shag haircut of the day!

    Let me know what you think about the hairspray…

  25. Ooh, I love this! My pin-straight hair thanks you from the bootom of its…follicles? My forays into the world of wave-dom thus far have primarily involved spraying “beach hair” stuff on my head and waiting for the magic. I see now that it involves slightly more work, but the results are worth it.I can’t wait to give this a shot.

    The lip gloss looks great; so happy you like!

    Thanks so much for the rec!

  26. You should copyright that post! Seriously, what about Avenda Be Curly? How/when does that fit in?

    HA! About the Be Curly, I posted my reply to Sunny’s comment. I’m too lazy to type it again!

  27. Oh thank you so much for the lesson. I read while I was having lunch. It was like a lunch and a movie. LOL! I got so inspired that I tried it (minus exact product, ceramic curling iron, and brush that you use) and it works!!! I have such boring straight hair….and now I have great whoorl hair!!! Thanks!!

    Take a photo and send it to me at hair@whoorl.com so I can post it in my new gallery!

  28. i’ve been waffling over purchasing the fekkai glossing shampoo and conditioner. have you tried those?

    and it’s been a long time since i’ve used a curling iron, but i, too, did not know to clamp was so gauche! ;)

    Lei- I’ve only tried the FF Technician shampoo and conditioner (pink ones – they smell SO good), but they made my hair feel a little dry. If you try the glossing, let me know…and send me a photo for my hair gallery (hair@whoorl.com)!

  29. hmm, okay i’m following you until the part with the curling iron. i understand no clamp but what about my strawish ends from blow drying? hmm, must try.

    fantastic tutorial, pics, goodness, etc. :)

  30. At the end of the day, I think you have better hair than me. BUT I am going to buy a better brush and try brushing my hair (I thought it was a RULE to NEVER brush curly/wavy hair — only to comb). It was fun to see how you do it.

    Yes, you really shouldn’t brush curly hair! If you have super curly hair, I wouldn’t recommend this style…it might end up looking like an afro.

  31. I was worried for a minute there. I was looking forward to this post and I am so glad you crossed “the line”.

    I hear you on the Mason Pearson brush. The thing will not die. I love it.

    Must buy the Fekkai Glossing cream. Your wash and dry hair looks fabulous – truly.

    I’m pretty happy rocking the pin straight hair (hello Marsha Brady!) but you may have just inspired me to buy my very first curling iron. Ceramic, of course.

    One last favor…what concealer do you use? I’m too lazy to check your archives.

    I use Bobbi Brown foundation stick, but I have to put a little eye cream on beforehand to keep it moist. (Ew, moist.)

  32. Wait wait a wee second. I might have missed the hello obvious bus that just flew by honking loudly, but are french manicures really passé?! I’m not talking about the gaudy acrylic shit or the stick-on doo-dad things (ugh)…But not even on the toes? I live in Chicago, so I don’t think I’m that behind fashion-wise, but maybe you guys out there in Cali know best? I heard black nail polish is all the rage these days too…

    Oh Margot, I’ve been waiting and waiting for the French manicure backlash. Let’s just say I’m not a fan of fingers or toes and leave it at that. I will say after moving to Orange County from Chicago, the OC has nothing on Chi-town regarding style. At least the city dwellers have their own sense of style opposed to the followers around here. Everywhere I turn, a Juicy Couture sweatsuit is staring back at me. Still! For the love of God, make it stop!

  33. Can you make a gallery for bad hair days too? Cause I would totally participate in that.

  34. cocodrie says:

    It’s when I read things like “(Un)Fortunately, I mentally wandered off to my happy place (the one where you float on chile con queso clouds)” that I remember why we’re soul sistahs.

    You’re a modern day Hair-istotle.

    Hair-istotle. Me likey…

  35. i’m not one for the french manicure on the toes, because DUDE! you must have some toenail for the frenchie!

    i’m not one for ANY toenail much less claws to stab your SNO (that would be significant other for the non-married peeps)in the middle of the night!

    as always, i bow down to the lustrous mane of the whoorl!

    mine has been WAY too thinned out from the last novice to try any cool VEGAS tricks. hopefully, it will grow out for our outing next month otherwise, you are stuck with the aniston, circa, 1997 wanna-be. yeah, i know you can’t wait.

    You’re preaching to the choir, honey. The big question is, what color is your hair right now?

  36. thanks for totally making my day! you’re the highlight of my brief mommy computer breaks when the 5 month old goes down for a nappy nap!

  37. Thanks for sharing your hair tips, you have great hair, it makes me wish my hair process wasn’t so complicated. Thanks for the curling iron tip, my hair isn’t quite long enough yet, but maybe one day.

  38. Nice work. Your hair is beautiful. Even with your product and technique I doubt mine could ever look that nice. It’s really thick and wavy (not nicewavy, but weirdwavy). Great photo essay, though. You always make me laugh.

  39. natalie says:

    Loved. This. Post. And that fucking clamp! Damn the clamp! I stopped using it long ago. My hair is rather fine, long but, fine (and I don’t mean “hey bebeh, you looking fine!) and it would always leave this shiteous crimp in my hair, bleh. It was worth the week of burned fingers while I figured it out.

    Fantastic lesson! Thanks!

  40. I know, I know. More on the clamp. But this might be…socially damaging? Especially considering this is my official delurking comment. I have read that you’re supposed to twirl your hair around the iron, but I have always insisted on opening the clamp while simultaneously twirling. It doesn’t work and it is a sure fire way to burn yourself.

    It never occured to me to leave the clamp closed. Never.

    I will go die of shame now.

    But seriously, THANK YOU for the pictures!

  41. Pure awesomeness. Thank you.

  42. god.

    i can’t believe i just cut so many of my hairs off.

    :( hmph.

    i must say, you are too pretty in all the pictures. but on another note, is it weird that i am a fan of the non-curling iron pic more?

  43. am'ti b says:

    lei asked about ff glossing shampoo and cond., as a die hard ff fan, it has been my least favorite shamp/comd combo of his yet. just use the cream and/or spray to get the shine!

  44. Bethany says:

    Ok, my question is how on earth did ya’ll land that fabulous house on the beach, It’s pretty much every one’s dream scenario. I’d love to see more pics of the house and her about any renovations and whatnot that were made. It may seem like a boring topic but I love decorating and all things artsy and creative!

  45. Such good ideas! Well, I tried to improvise using my giant roller curling iron (I think it’s like 3 inches), and I was pleased with the results. Just like the Greek chorus of comments, I echo the no clamp thing. Wha? But you’re right, and it’s awesome. Until I burned my forehead. Rookie mistake. But hey, I’ve got a traditional Indian wedding to attend this weekend, so no need for a bindi!

  46. So, I just printed this out – a whole 12 pages! Now it is neatly stapled and sitting in my “hair supply drawer” ready for use. I keep asking my hair stylist to explain how to get this look and they never do it right – which I find very odd. Your instructions, I can follow – Thank you! I can’t wait to do my hair tomorrow!

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  2. [...] Hair Day As a follow-up to a detailed hair how-to, Whoorl encouraged readers to send in glamour shots of their good hair days. My hair is my only [...]