BULLDOZER!

35

Are you ready to read about some fun times? For beginners, I just spent my 17th consecutive night NOT sleeping in my bed. Besides a quick jaunt to Palm Springs last weekend, I’ve been residing in the guest room of my cousin’s home* with my husband and son. Coincidentally, my son recently adopted the habit of sleep-yelling and snoring like a 400 lb. hog with a raging case of sleep apnea…let’s see here…17 nights ago! How hilarious is that? HAAHAAAAAAAAA.

Let me tell you, being jolted awake from a fitful slumber by a three-year-old screaming “BULLDOZER!” at 3am is HILARIOUS.

(Last night it was “bulldozer.” The night before was “MONSTER TRUUUUUUUCK!” At least we are consistent with the vehicular theme.)

Although, I shouldn’t really call it a “fitful” slumber, given my ridiculous stress level has shot me into teeth-grinding stardom, sometimes actually waking myself up from biting a fleshy hunk out of my inner cheek.

So! We are trying our hardest to find a new home in the shortest amount of time possible, which means an abundance of MLS searches and an abundance of realtors showing me rentals that make me want to puke. I don’t understand…I told you that carpet was a deal-breaker, yet here we are, standing in a fully carpeted home that looks like it was last replaced during the Nixon era AND you’re telling me it’s $3200 a month.

Once again, HILARITY ENSUES!

Oh! Also! My late-blooming belly has finally decided to make an appearance at 25 weeks, thus stretching my stomach skin to the point of resembling a pomegranate-colored soccer ball. It’s a tad itchy, folks.

I was pondering all of these lovely tidbits this morning while making my new 30-minute commute to Wito’s preschool, when I remembered that I needed to return a Lands’ End shirt to my local Sears. (Did you know that you could return Lands’ End merchandise bought online to your local Sears? More importantly, did you know that regular-sized Lands’ End shirts make for great maternity wear for those on the petite-bellied side? The things you learn over here at whoorl.com, I tell ya.)

For instance:

Women’s Short Sleeve Shirred Scoopneck Top, $19.50

See! Blousy! Perfect for little baby bellies! Pair this cutie with distressed boyfriend jeans and flats and you’re set for a day of errands! This top was previously available in many colors, one of which I didn’t prefer, hence the return to my local Sears store. DISCLAIMER: I’m not usually a Sears shopper and I don’t want to make assumptions about any other Sears store around the country, but you guys.

This particular store is a Haus o’ Depression. Upon crossing the street to enter the store, the inner lights were so dim, I thought it had gone out of business completely. However, I pulled on the door and LO, it was open. Sad sad sadness. Sad lighting, sad merchandise, sad employees, sad shoppers. Really sad. Why so melancholy, people? Have you been displaced due to excessive levels of mold too? Does your belly really really itch? Let’s hug it out.

I walked out of that store in one of the best moods I’ve experienced in several weeks because you all, things could be worse. I could be itchy-skinned, sleep-deprived, cheek-chewed, homeless AND working at that Sears. Things are looking up already.

*Can you imagine how my cousin feels? I’m sure he’s beyond THRILLED to have the Whoorl family around every evening when he returns from work. Jenga, anyone?



COMMENTS (34)

Comments

  1. The Sears stores in Canada are just as sad, which is why I stay far, far away.

    Sending happy Wito-sleeping-silently and house-of-your-dreams-or-at-least-not-house-of-your-nightmares vibes your way.
    .-= Angella´s last blog ..Write Like Nobody’s Reading =-.

  2. Aww – only you could find the bright side of that situation lol.

    Are we taking bets on what Wito will yell out tonight? I get “RV!!!”

  3. Haha.. I used to work at a Sears (for 4 years while in college(that was 6 years ago)). In the small town Sears that I worked at, it wasn’t so bad. But there weren’t many other options in that town. When I moved closer to the city for better opportunity, I transfered to the Sears there and it was SOOO depressing. I only lasted a month before I put in my 2 weeks. Now I only go to a Sears if it’s in the small town.

  4. OMG. Sears is a TRULY depressing place.
    .-= Rebecca (Bearca)´s last blog ..I can’t believe I’m posting this =-.

  5. Sears is soooo sad. But the bright side? Since it’s so empty, the Lands End merchandise is always fully-stocked. Great for bathing suit shopping (if you’re a masochist, that is.)
    .-= In the Trenches of Mommyhood´s last blog ..Driving While Cleansing =-.

  6. Dear God I hope you guys find a house soon. At least there is hilarity, even if it is tongue in cheek and you don’t work at Sears. It IS depressing in there! I’ve only been in there to return Land’s End purchases too.
    .-= sizzle´s last blog ..Making A Living =-.

  7. I assure you it’s not just your Sears, they are all really sad. The one in Boston sounds pretty much exactly how you described yours.

    Sorry about the current life suckage. You probably already know this but coconut oil is heaven for itchy / dry skin. Never been pregnant but husband has awful eczema and this really works. It’s a bit of a pain since it is solid at room temp but just rub between your hands to liquify or put the jar in some warm water.

    Will keep sending good home finding vibes your way!
    .-= Hip Hip Gin Gin´s last blog ..Becky Kelso =-.

  8. For the itchy belly: OLIVE OIL. Seriously. Just slather it on. Your belly stops itching, and you smell like yummy italian food! Bonus!
    .-= hydrogeek´s last blog ..Geek in the Making =-.

  9. Girl, I cannot imagine. I want to bring you trays of cheese after you awake from a sound, sound slumber.

    We’re sending you the best best best vibes that moving has to offer.
    .-= Helen Jane´s last blog ..Hypothetical Academy Awards Party =-.

  10. I can’t imagine how much it must suck being pregnant and not having your own space and your own bed. Here is to hoping things resolve very fast!
    .-= Mama in the City´s last blog ..Chic Lit and Beyond: Late Night Adventures With Books =-.

  11. Oh, I remember how that itchy belly feels! Hope you guys find a place soon and your little one dreams of soft quiet puffy clouds and soft quiet waves on the beach….and not, DUUUUMMMP TRUCK! LOL! That is hilarious!

  12. Aw, hope you find a place ASAP! And it sounds like your cousin deserves a really nice bottle of scotch (or tequila…).

  13. I’m so sorry about the whole homeless situation, and hope it resolves soon. But dude, that video in your sidebar is impossibly cute! He knows the whole song???

  14. I guess there is no recovery for your mold-infested rental? Or what would mold removal mean for further delay of full inhabitation? I hope you find something you love soon!

  15. Uggg . . .the itchy belly. I have tried everything and nothing really works. No suggestions here, but I feel your pain!
    .-= HollyLynne´s last blog ..White Bean Cassoulet =-.

  16. You should see the Sears in Midwest City. The one you pictured above looks like a Bloomingdale’s in comparison. ::sigh::

    Oooooooooo-klahoma…
    .-= Rachel Shingleton´s last blog ..Read any good books lately? =-.

  17. Oh, just curious – since the house was infested w/ mold, what does the home owner do with it since it’s clearly not livable/rentable? Do they just raze it???
    .-= Rachel Shingleton´s last blog ..Read any good books lately? =-.

  18. When I am shopping south of the boarder I love going to sears because it has cute clothes at good prices…The Sears in Canada are more on par with Macy’s… But the again I’ve only been to two. One in Bellingham, WA which kind of seems dark now that you mention it and one Vegas but everything is bright in Vegas. Or appears to be when your hungover.
    .-= Siera´s last blog ..Meatballs =-.

  19. You know what’s really depressing? I’m trying to rent out a property that’s 1300 square feet, totally new laminate and paint throughout, and I can’t even get people to show up to viewing appointments that THEY requested. I’m only asking $1600 a month, man. I’d offer it to you, but it’s in Canada. :)

  20. I hit “Submit” before I had a chance to wish you luck finding a new home. Although I do appear to have quite a talent in making others’ misfortunes all about me. Lordy.

  21. I’m so sorry you guys are going through hell right now; I hope things turn around soon for you! Sending good thoughts your way…

  22. wow…i have to agree about realtors that don’t listen. my realtor does the EXACT. SAME. THING. my husband and i are very specific about what we want and what we don’t want, and yet he shows us what we DON’T want. and MAKES FUN of me for my aversion to “scary” basements. i’m sorry, but i’m not buying a ridiculously expensive house if i refuse to go in the basement.

    anyhow, i feel (that area of) your pain. sending good house wishes your way!

    also…first time commenter, long time reader. love your blog!

  23. I have it on good authority that this cousin (saint that he is) is loving having the Whoorl family in residence but is continually amazed at the staggering number of dishes said family goes through on a daily basis. Or so I’ve heard.

    Oh, and it’s a Sears Essential. “Essential” as in one only goes there if its absolutely essential.

    Hey, we ARE eating for 4, you know. ;)

  24. You should move back here to Oklahoma – where we have a Sad Sears on every corner!

    (but that Lands End return thing IS really handy, eh?)
    .-= Rita´s last blog ..Go Toward the Light =-.

  25. I thought Sears was only for washers and dryers!!

    Feel so sorry for you, hang in there.

    Sadie at heyMamas

  26. Sara Lou says:

    I had itchy belly syndrome. Lush massage bars = lifesaver. And, they smell yummy and last forever. Good luck with your home search.

  27. “Sad sad sadness. Sad lighting, sad merchandise, sad employees, sad shoppers. Really sad. Why so melancholy, people? Have you been displaced due to excessive levels of mold too?”

    Ok, I’m going to say it at the risk of you feeling offended, but when you are working at Sears for a low hourly wage and have to deal with the masses, you probably aren’t going to be very happy. It isn’t a boutique, it isn’t J. Crew, and the people who shop at Sears are most likely in the lower income brackets, not looking for some dope pad by the beach. If you think Sears is sad, then frankly, you have been sheltered.

  28. Whoorl, I hope you find a lovely rental that meets all of your requirements, pronto (and that it comes with a lovely cabana boy, and that the fridge magically replenishes its supply of delicious snacks). I also wish you a peaceful, 12-hr slumber…it’s amazing how much better sleep makes everything else seem, so here’s hoping.

  29. Sears is THE WORST, most glum store ever; it’s clearly a nationwide epidemic. Ours is also poorly lit, and populated with employees who look as though they are routinely beaten with sticks. J and I recently went there to purchase a tool (heh), and we left feeling like we needed antidepressants. I mean, we settled for ice cream, but the sentiment was surely there.
    .-= metalia´s last blog ..How Do You Sleep At Night, Homeowners? No, Really; I’m Totally Serious. =-.

  30. Sears is so, so sad. I ended up there in November because my son wanted an orange coat with two black stripes and a hood (seriously) and lo and behold, Sears was the only only only place in the world that had an orange coat with two black stripes and a hood. Not only was it depressing, but a family of five women brazenly cut in front of me at the only register, yes they did, and proceeded to argue about prices and then put things on layaway and pay combinations of cash and credit and putting items back.

    In most circumstances I would have left but you know how it is when your son wants an orange coat with two black stripes and a hood.

    Anyway, it was totally depressing.

  31. Maybe this will make you feel better:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBYtUcq0VfE

  32. Dude. I’m late to the Reading This Post Party, but this is fucking hilarious. Love angsty Whoorl!!
    .-= Slynnro´s last blog ..Making A Spectacle of Myself. =-.

  33. Dude, what happened to Kansas! I can’t believe your jayhawks fell :( I hope you are coping well.
    .-= Jammer´s last blog ..Oh, how I can’t wait until I can afford you… =-.

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