Save Room For My Clout

24

Recently, I took some sort of personality blog quiz and one of the questions asked about writing technique, specifically whether you follow an entry “outline” or go with the flow. My answer surprised me, given I am such a list-maker and organizer extraordinaire, but when it comes to this blog, I have no idea where an entry will take me. Maybe that’s why I keep this blog up and running; it’s the outlet for my mind’s crazy pathways.

Why, just in the past three minutes my mind has traveled from Beyonce to fly-fishing equipment to Chris Farley’s bald spot to the size of Dunkin’ Donut holes, which I believe are called munchkins, leading me to Oompa Loompas, then of course candy which can sometimes be called booty. And, we’re back at Beyonce. Full circle.

Speaking of beautiful people with beautiful voices, John Legend is really into sex. His new album is one we play in the morning while drinking coffee and hanging out as a family. Wito seems to love it, in fact, whenever the back-up singers start up, he always turns his head towards the speakers all, “Where my lady-friends at, yo?”. Seriously though, John loves him some sex. Which is just fabulous, but I am particularly intrigued by the lyrics in “Save Room”.

The song starts out innocently enough,

Say that you’ll stay a little
Don’t say bye bye tonight
Say you’ll be mine
just a little of bit of love Is worth a moment of your time

knocking on your door just a little
so cold outside tonight
let’s get the fire burning
I know, I keep it burning right

Fine, that’s lovely and all. It’s the next part that makes me wonder,

This just might hurt a little
love hurts sometimes when you do it right
Don’t be afraid of a little bit of pain
pleasure is just on the other side

Is it just me, or is Mr. Legend talking about anal sex? I would like to believe he is talking about letting down your guard blah blah blah, but REALLY people, he’s totally talking about the poop chute. And how could his lady friend deny his request? Have you seen his precious face? I mean, he was on Oprah for God’s sake. Singing at the Legends Ball! Talk about some clout with the ladies.

And this concludes today’s visit into the mind of Whoorl. Peace and anuses (anii?) to all.

UPDATE: My sister just informed me he is speaking of The China, as in Hurting The China. Possibly The China of A Virgin. I then asked her why in the hell she calls it The China, to which she replied, “Well, it rhymes with vagina and it’s WAY down there.”



COMMENTS (24)

Comments

  1. JL fan all the way. Have you seen the video? He seems like such a chump begging after the twenty hot women who pass through his bedroom. He wouldn’t be begging me for a little more, I’d still be there ;)
    Thanks for the poop shoot thoughts.

  2. See… I would have just thought that perhaps his tastes run to virginal young things…

    Thanks for dragging my mind down to the gutter with yours! Kidding.

    Was this part of the quiz? “Are you willing to use the term anal or poop shoot on your blog?”

  3. i’ve totally been in the same room as john legend. he’s so young! he’s too young for anal.

    heh.

    jk. i’d rather believe he’s talking about anal than the alternative which could be he’s popping some young girl’s cherry.

    oh my.

  4. This is my first time here and holy crap did I laugh. I totally wouldn’t have thought Anal. But it makes sense. Thanks for the laugh!

  5. I’m reminded of a classic Sex and the City quote: “How do they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?”

  6. So I wonder what Nazareth meant back in the day with “Love Hurts”… that song takes on a whole new meaning. Owie.

  7. OMG. I may be a prude, but anal sex is so gross to me. In my opinion, that hole is for EXIT ONLY.

  8. now see, that’s why I love this site. A classic entry. I like Legend’s “pda” song … especially the double clap.

  9. Hmm, see, I didn’t think “anal” when I read those lyrics. Maybe John Legend is just really well-hung or something and it hurts the ladies. (Though I imagine this is unlikely, considering he like 5’5″ and probably weighs about a buck thirty). I guess I would rather believe he’s into a little ‘spanky pinchy’ than to assume he’s referring to anal, because, well, anal just isn’t real sexy.

  10. dude, it’s “the china” because you only bring it out on/for special occasions. at least that’s what i’m teaching the girls.

  11. Butt Lovin’ definately!

  12. True story:

    During a seven hour drive when that CD first came out, I played Save Room no less than 40 times.

    Then I got sick of it and played Beyonce for the remaining few hours.

    So you see, it’s almost like your train of though, but considerably worse.

  13. “At least that’s what I’m teaching the girls”

    Gorillabuns – you kill me.

  14. Oh man…I do so love him and his cute face, too. Please, please let him be talking about the China, or a little bit of light S&M (playful-like, not damaging), and not the backdoor. Great, now I’m going to have to listen to that song over and over.

  15. I was thinking the same thing as your Sister with the China. But, you do bring new light to the song.

  16. I’m dying from this; he’s definitely talking about the back door! Also? When I was growing up, my friend’s incredibly proper grandmother once referred to the…Notorious V.A.G. as “the China,” as well. When we asked her why, she told us,” Because, girls, you should only put it out for a special occasion.”

    Can’t remember trigonometry to save my life, but THIS I remember.

  17. He is sooo a back-door man.

  18. And…..Donovan steers clear of yet another of Whoorl’s comment sections, let’s move on shall we.

  19. We saw him in concert and he serenaded an audience member on stage. She was LOVING IT. Apart from when she was pulled up onto the stage and her trousers, um, were not. 1000s of people saw her arse. But John probably loved it…

  20. Darren McLikeshimself says:

    I’m definitely a go with the flow writer too. I usually map out in my head what I’m going to get down before I start, but I never follow an outline.

    Huh. I’m not sure which I find creepier: A song about butt sex or virgin sex.

    Now, why can’t someone write a good song about chili dogs? Am I right?

    Holla!

  21. Sadie — ’spanky pinchy’ is now going in my diary. Thank you.

  22. Looove the term “the china”. I’m so introducing that to my regular vocabulary.

  23. This is my favorite entry so far!

  24. HAhahahahahahaha. You said “poop chute”.