The 2007 Whoorlies
Written by whoorl · Filed Under lists
Welcome to the inaugural ceremony of the soon-to-be-coveted Whoorlie awards. You all look absolutely ravishing. Please take your seats.
Over the past several years, we’ve seen a plethora of blog-based awards. The Weblog Awards, The BOB Awards, The Bloggies, The Perfect Post Awards and the highly sought-after “Look At Me. I’m So Important That I Won A Blog Award” Blog Awards are just the tip of the iceberg. It seems almost every blog I frequent dons some sort of colorful button screaming “I’m better than you, turdbag. Bite me.”
Well, what about the other special and extremely gifted writers* out there? Are these people* not worthy of such awards? Maybe these people* are holding back, afraid that their* sheer brilliance and talent might alienate readers around the globe…their* words acting as a mask, YES, A MASK! A mask that hides the pure poetic genius festering inside their* souls! Have you considered that? HUH, Darren?! HUH?!
To that, I say TralalalaLAH! I, err I mean we, We LAUGH at your snubbery! We don’t need your precious awards!
Enter Whoorlies, stage right!
To qualify for a Whoorlie, you must have NO previous blog awards in your repertoire. And of course, you must be a genius and all that stuff I wrote up there.
On with the show!
Most Consistent Theme - Gorillabuns. And that theme would be cocktails. She’ll drink you under the table. And then slay you with seriously wicked karaoke performances.
Best Artistic Vision - Chirky. As seen here and here and here.
Best Use of Haiku - Red Red Whine (formerly Guinness Girl). I am partial to this one.
Best Thoughts Of A Deep Variety (Making Whoorl Feel Like A Totally Shallow Asshat) - Sizzle Says. Plus, I’m envious of her rack. See? There I go with the shallow again.
If I Had A 100 Things List, It Would Be Eerily Similar - Metalia. Seriously, avocado? Grass green? Football? Lip gloss? Good speller? The nose thing? I could go on forever.
The Only Top 100 Technorati Blogger That Reads Whoorl - Brian Gardner. Although, really, do you care about the insignificant Whoorlie when you have 4,709 blogs linking to you? Really?
Best Public Service Announcement - No Pasa Nada. She says NO, sucka! But are you saying no to the Whoorlie?
My Favorite Canadian - Kicky Boots. And this is big, ’cause I love me some Canadians. Maybe it’s because Avelyn and Wito are destined for a long-distance romance.
Best Photo Of Sleeping Child - Hola, Isabel. Only one of the many reasons I read Isabel, but C’MON, that photo is HILARIOUS.
Congratulations to the 2007 winners. You may now adorn your sidebars with this beauty.
Please contain your excitement. PLEASE CONTAIN YOUR EXCITEMENT! Let’s act like adults, mmmkay?
I now abruptly conclude the First Annual Whoorlie Awards. My brain has offically melted from all of the linkage.
Coming soon! The Average Post Awards!
*ahem…ahem…AHEM, YOU FOOLS!
Brian Gardner
March 21st, 2007 8:21 amWho cares about numbers when you can place a radical green Whoorlie Award on my website??? :) My big dilemma is whether or not to hotlink your image…
Thanks for the recognition. If I was still living in LA I’d drop by and give you a great big hug… But for now, a virtual one is all I can offer. And I’ll still frequent your masterpiece blog even after your ‘Hawks kick SIU’s arse this weekend.
Isabel
March 21st, 2007 8:21 amOh my goodness, I am so freakin’ excited (that one was for Mormon Joe)! I can’t believe I won.
To be honest, when I took the picture of sleeping Babboo last weekend I *knew* it was destined for greatness.
And by winning this award dose it mean I’m out of the running for The Average Post Awards??
THANKS!
nabbalicious
March 21st, 2007 8:43 amSNUBBED! I take umbrage! I demand a recount! Even though I never could have been nominated to begin with! It is no matter! Is there a button that reads “Whoorlie 2007 Snubbee”? If so, I’ll take one, please. What? I like to win.
I know, I know. It hurts deep down, Little Miss I HAVE ALREADY WON TWO AWARDS. Power to the little people!
chirky
March 21st, 2007 8:45 amI can’t decide whether I want to print this and hang it on my cubicle wall, so SOMEONE knows I did SOMETHING. The intrigue!
I’m glad you can appreciate my drawings. I’m partial to them, personally. They even have their own category in my Flickr account, which is the mark of TRUE greatness.
Donovan
March 21st, 2007 8:51 amA shit day is always improved by a new post from Whoorl.
Thanks Whoorl, I needed that.
hola, isabel » Hi, it’s just me
March 21st, 2007 8:53 am[…] won a Whoorlie award today. It’s my first ever blog award, and I’m thrilled. Awesome, I know. It would […]
Jurgen Nation
March 21st, 2007 9:03 am:(
Oh, don’t cry to me, 2005 BOB Winner and recipient of 2006 LAMISITIWABA.
guinness girl
March 21st, 2007 9:12 amWOOHOOOOOO!!! I am indescribably honored. Thank you, Whoorl!!
Darren McLikeshimself
March 21st, 2007 9:13 amNow, if I recall, I gave out my blog awards in January ‘06, and I didn’t start reading you until March ‘06. I haven’t yet decided if I want to do a second round of “Look at Me” blog awards or not, but it looks like I’m going to have to start a “Sour Grapes” category…
Well, you should have found me EARLIER, DAMN IT.
SAJ
March 21st, 2007 9:45 amI am coveting!
sizzle
March 21st, 2007 9:50 ami can NOT and will NOT contain my excitement. i am honored. i’d like to thank God. . .
jk.
you are even more awesome and i sincerely believed that it was impossible for you to top yourself. but you have. :)
BeachMama
March 21st, 2007 12:03 pmSo here I thought I was the only Canadian you knew but, alas, your awards are way too funny. How did you pick them all?? (need criteria for next year ;) )
alyndabear
March 21st, 2007 12:03 pmSnazzy!
gorillabuns
March 21st, 2007 12:06 pmi feel quite honored to be included in the first evah whoorlie awards! i should scream like sally fields because dude, i NEVER win anything, except for $2 on last weeks scratch-off lottery ticket. so, if you will excuse me, i have to go now to figure out where my award will look it’s shiny best and oh, yes, go on the hunt for the best drink specials in town.
Jenifer
March 21st, 2007 12:12 pmDamn, I thought I sent you the bribe so I could win? Maybe the check got lost in the mail.
Kelly
March 21st, 2007 12:21 pmWhat’s a girl got to do….I gave up hookin a long time ago. Hey, I proudly stand tall that I am in your links. Keeping the flame burning for 2008.
Three cheers for Kicky Boots…enjoy her blog…way to go Amanda!
You love how everyone is pouring on the guilt…you better feel like a schmuck. Your only existence it to put us all on the map and also to make us laugh and I suppose to be a good mom too.
Heather B.
March 21st, 2007 12:34 pmI’m pretty sure that the last time I won something was in 1993 during a game of Bingo.
So really, I appreciate this.
Also, do realize that when I see you this summer, I’m going to have to buy you a shot, or seven to show my thanks.
Kaili
March 21st, 2007 12:37 pmThat is so funny, I was totally thinking of doing awards on my blog. Weird. Great idea!
I know Amanda and Avelyn, so way to go! Little Wito man and Avelyn would look quite smashing together!
Elizabeth
March 21st, 2007 12:47 pmWhat a fun idea. I think that I might snag it, of course my awards will never be as highly coveted as yours… Glad to know that I have read some of your faves! Have a great day.
Rachel
March 21st, 2007 1:38 pmAw, man! I even put on CLEAN UNDERWEAR today and I didn’t win a damn thing! Hmmm. Methinks Whoorl needs more catagories!
metalia
March 21st, 2007 2:13 pmWell, THAT just made my day. Thank you! Can I put this on my résumé?
I knew about the the football and lip gloss love (well, obviously), not to mention the diaper bag coincidence, but I was not aware of the other stuff…I adore you even more now, if possible. We should get together and, um…eat guacamole on freshly cut green grass, whereinafter we should have a spelling bee/end zone dance discussion? While applying lipgloss?
cocodrie
March 21st, 2007 3:33 pmThat Chirky is good! Between your recommending her work and SAJ’s, I am quite sure you deserve your own award for having a great eye for talent.
(Also, “totally shallow asshat” is a great phrase. And one that I will certainly have the pleasure of using living in L.A.! Copyright Whoorl, of course.)
angela
March 21st, 2007 4:52 pmI guess I’ll just have to save up my acceptance speech for another time. Which is probably good, because now I can rehearse it in front of the mirror a few thousand times to make sure it is perfectly polished.
Angella
March 21st, 2007 5:04 pmI’m coveting the awards too. Maybe next year? Or ten years from now? How many Canadians do I have to compete against? I’m super glad that Amanda won, though - she’s even better in real life :)
don't call me ma'am
March 21st, 2007 6:18 pmSo… when do you think you’ll be having awards again… possibly for people who have only won a SINGLE award?? ;-)
I will add more awards the day I receive an award. Which means, don’t hold your breath.
Maya
March 21st, 2007 8:01 pmContaining excitement. CONTAINING EXCITEMENT. (barely) Congratulations to all winners.
So…you’re saying you need rack-age for winner status? Hmmm….
kris
March 22nd, 2007 6:36 amHolla, big winners! woot!
I, of course, am feeling just a little like Susan Lucci now, but it’s all good. ;)
Kris, I do believe you were the recipient of the 2006 “Learn Something New Every Day” Award from the Share The Love Blog Awards. I did my research, chica. FURTHERMORE, if ANYONE is Susan Lucci, it’s me! ME! ME! ME!
Oh wait, to be considered a “Susan Lucci”, I would have to be nominated for something….
Gary
March 22nd, 2007 1:28 pmCongrats to Brian. I modified one of his themes for my site I launched officially 6 days ago. How can I get in line for one of those cool awards?
How about an award for blogging about nonprofit stuff, blogging in Texas…I’ll take any of them. I’m at www.drivebyconsulting.com
I’ll also take advice on how to make my blog as cool as these winners.
Gary
Amanda
March 22nd, 2007 1:37 pmYou have no clue how this had made my week! Really. Excitement CANNOT BE CONTAINED.
Thanks for the internet lovin’.
You’re my favourite American. :)
kris
March 22nd, 2007 5:07 pmDammit! How did you know I won that one?
You are a sly one, Whoorl. Very, very sly indeed . . .
Jessica
March 22nd, 2007 5:37 pmWhat about a gratuitous award for the blogger/reader for the most children under the age of 2, pushed out in less than 2 years… anybody? Me? Sure…I’ll accept that award. Just an idea of course…Just an idea.
Applause, Applause « Sizzle Says
March 23rd, 2007 6:16 am[…] March 23, 2007 Filed under: Blogroll — sizzlesays @ 7:16 am I totally won a coveted Whoorlie! What for you ask? “Best Thoughts Of A Deep Variety (Making Whoorl Feel Like A Totally […]
will
March 23rd, 2007 2:43 pmMy lifetime goal is now to get a Whoorlie.
Wacky Mommy
March 25th, 2007 4:59 pmI would win the award for “Will She Stay Drunk on Mojitos All Summer and Make NO SENSE Again? Or Will She Finally Get a Damn Job?”
Your candidate,
WM
Five Questions: The Interview at whoorl
April 14th, 2007 9:55 am[…] a nutshell, if I had a Whoorlie category entitled “I’ll Totally Single White Female Your Ass”, Rebecca would be […]
Y
April 19th, 2007 4:22 pmI don’t even know you and I love you because you gave Metalia an award. Because Metalia is The Awesome.