Risque

20

Do you know what’s super fun? Getting denied from health insurance companies. You know, the mysterious three-week waiting period, the non-information from the sugary sweet customer service rep, the all-business letter that arrives in the mail…wait, you don’t know what I’m talking about? You all got insurance right away? With no problems? WHAT? FUCKING WHAT?

It seems that my husband and son are prime candidates for health insurance with their big healthy smiles and shit. Alas, I’m what they consider risqué…stated in a letter that read something like this:

Dear Whoorl:

We would be more than honored to underwrite your husband and son into our wonderful and happy health care family.

Unfortunately, even though you have very shiny hair and darling shoes, we have come to the decision that you are not worth the risk (like, HEY-EL NO). After careful analysis, we are pretty sure you are going to cost us a shitload this year. You are welcome to sign up for one of our guaranteed-issue plans (also known as our “dead man walking” plans) which will cost $13,265 per month.

Thank you for your (really just your husband and son’s) business. May God be with you.

Sincerely,
Mr. Positive Thinking

Oh no, THANK YOU! You’ve made my day so much brighter. No pre-existing conditions, no medications, but hell, you get something removed from your breast 2 years ago and it’s finito with the big dogs. ARF!

In other news, has anyone tried this new gum? It’s pretty damn tasty and according to my strange husband, smells like “sex candy”. Interesting. That was this first thing he uttered when he returned home from work and yes, he was serious. Um, wow. I’m not really sure where in the mental rolodex that one’s going to reside.

UPDATE: Once again, the write-something-on-your-blog-and-the-opposite-happens phenomenon has struck. I just found out I was approved by a another good company. Seriously, what is UP with this phenomenon?!



COMMENTS (20)

Comments

  1. Sorry about the health insurance… I know it’s frustrating. I am a broker in AZ and it’s even worse here. What does your hubby do? Can you go on his insurance? If you want to email me I might be able to help you. I would recommend calling a broker that does health insurance (it’s a free service–we get paid by insurance companies). They might be able to help you with some additional options!?

  2. It is frustrating to say the least. Unfortunately, my husband doesn’t have insurance through his employer. However, my agent is currently working on some other options, so keep your fingers crossed!

  3. Dude, that sucks. I hope your agent comes through with something better. Health insurance can be such a nightmare!

  4. I completely sympathize with the no insurance being denied thing. I have a pre-existing condition that excludes me from ever getting good coverage. Also, my beloved boyfriend has had skin cancer so insurance people look at him with looks of sympathy and then a big fat no comes from their lips.

    In regards to the second topic of your post…OMG! I didn’t know that there was candy of that specific nature with it’s own distinctive scent. I’m slightly appalled but grossly intrigued.

  5. UGH. No wonder there is a crisis in the healthcare industry. I hope you find good coverage! Bright side – at least Anders is insured.

    Our insurance, what was once THE insurance to have, is being dropped by healthcare providers all over the place. And services the insurance DOES cover, we end up paying a good amount out-of-pocket anyway.

    Good luck :)

  6. Like everything else in the insurance industry, that’s complete bullshit. I’m sorry. I hope your agent kicks some ass.

    “Sex candy,” though? Ha!

  7. sorry for the insurance issue. regarding the gum, it sounds yum. i am still hooked on the cool watermelon you had over xmas, i will now run out and pick up the strawberry sex gum.

  8. It has always amazed me that insurance companies don’t want to insure people who MIGHT ACTUALLY NEED THEM! Next to the IRS, they are the biggest scam artists on the planet.

    I have not tried that particular gum, but the new Orbit Mint Mojito is rocking my world lately. Yummy!

  9. I can’t imagine not having health insurance. Thankfully here in Canada, we have insurance covered by our taxes. Yes, we do still technically pay for it. And yes, there are many that take advantage of it, like say live in the US and come home to Canada when they are sick or go to the Doctor every day, because they can. But, that being said, I can never be refused health care no matter what has happened in my past. I hope that it all works out well for you and that you get the coverage that you need.

  10. i love that you can vent about it and THEN you get good news. cathartic!

  11. Craptastic. I had something genius to write and then was distracted by the meat photos below . . . lost it. Totally lost my genius comment. Damn you, tasty hamburgers . . .

  12. well done! now does this mean my cream of wheat will never explode in the microwave again? ha.

    CONGRATS ON GETTING COVERED, what a relief!!!!

  13. I hate dealing with health insurance. We are back on COBRA for $1300 a month because my 4 year old has developmental delays and I’ve had infertility issues. We’ve tried to get private coverage in the past and that always gets thrown up in our face. TTC our second daughter was really expensive. We were paying for COBRA but insurance didn’t cover any fertility treatments. What a kick in the pants!

    I hope you find coverage at a reasonable price soon.

  14. dude, if i can get insurance then FOR SURE, you can. the chances of me dying while shitting on my pot of a massive stroke are a definte, compared to a benign lump in your breast.

    glad you were approved by someone else. let’s pray, you don’t have to pay $3,000/month.

    isn’t it fun to live without the wonderful and consistent pharma company benefits and paychecks? not really….

  15. Just one more comment :) Sorry. For everyone, I know insurance is frustrating, but the real problem is the cost of health CARE. Too many people accessing healthcare who don’t pay a dime for services along w/ frivolous medical malpractice lawsuits, combined with the fact that we have access to the BEST, convenient and most technologically advanced healthcare system in the world!

  16. That’s why you don’t tell them about ANY pre-exisiting conditions or previous helath issues. I know that sounds immoral, but they absolutely screw you if you disclose things. When I go on new insurance, I state that I’m not taking any medications and that I’ve never been sick in my life – not even a cold. Even though I’m crippled by anxiety (I exaggerate) and have had a couple of surgeries. They’re crooks anyway – they deserve a taste of their own medicine.

  17. Happy Valentines day!!

    Love n hugs for you and your pretty family!!!

  18. Lyndsay-
    I asked my agent about that (a little fibbing here and there) and he told me now health insurance companies will terminate you immediately if you become sick and they reference your medical files and find a similar sickness. For instance, if I found another cyst in my breast and was treated, the health insurance company would request and review my past medical files and would then terminate my plan ASAP when they find that I omitted information on my app about the previous cyst.

    By the way, I’m friends with my doctor’s office so I called to see if my medical records were requested, and they were. So regardless of what you put on your app, the health insurance companies see everything (illnesses, medications, etc). UGH.

  19. I’m scared of that “xylitol” stuff. I tried the apple fusion, one sour and one sweet. All I tasted were chemicals seeping into my bloodstream.

    Nope, I’m not a health nut, and yes I love the sweets. So this coming from me, not good. *shudder*

    Yay for health insurance. Kinda important ;)

  20. Glad to hear the update! I’m sure that’s a weight off your shoulders.