Tips For Prospective Nannies

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1. Do not have a publicly accessible Myspace account.

2. Do not include myriads of photos of yourself drinking, smoking and licking your friends’ faces.

3. Do not make up stories about families you’ve nannied for in your past 15 years of experience.

4. Do not decline a 9:00am breakfast meeting because you have “an early breakfast outing with family”, only to show up at the 10:30am meeting time with wet hair pulled back into a bun. It might be a tad obvious that you just came from the shower. And honey, I can smell hangover from a mile away. Trust me, I am The Hangover Expert.

5. Do not make your friends pretend they are your work references. Do not tell me your married-with-kids reference is in Europe, when in actuality she’s single, has her own Myspace account, and apparently from her comment on your Myspace account, was partying with you in California last night.

6. Do not replicate unique grammatical errors in both your emails and your falsely-created reference emails.

7. Do not assume that mothers aren’t smart or technically savvy.

8. Do not fool yourself into thinking that mothers aren’t extremely intuitive when it comes to protecting their children.

9. Do NOT wonder why you weren’t hired.

I have found an absolutely wonderful, WONDERFUL nanny for Whoorlito who obviously has not committed any of these jackass maneuvers and additionally has passed my 1,225-point inspection. Cheers!



COMMENTS (36)

Comments

  1. Wow. Just … wow. I really feel for you.

  2. Oh. My. Word! Seriously. I hope the other prospective nannies are wonderful!

  3. 11. Do NOT mess with the Whoorl.

  4. Holy shit, one of your prospective nannies really did this stuff?! My God, people are so dumb. I would love it if you’d please blow up this chick’s spot when you tell her she’s not getting the job. PLEASE.

    Also – I am sure you’ll find someone who meets your criteria, and take wonderful care of Anders. Hopefully, in the next what, 48 hours?

  5. No way! Thank the almighty fantastic intuition of being a mother, women & Whoorl!

  6. Silly Nanny! So glad you found the perfect one. I’m exhausted just reading about the Nanny search. Still shocked that someone who tried to get the job was so blatantly stupid.

  7. congratulations on finding a wonderful nanny. your hard, hard work obviously paid off!

  8. Oh my God. Seriously? That’s horrific, just HORRIFIC. My Space! Swinging! Wet hair! The LIST JUST GOES ON AND ON.

  9. That list could also be entitled 10 Reasons I Hate People.

    Hurrah for finding someone, however!

  10. De-Lurking to say, I LOVE THIS POST!!!
    Thanks for the great read, I wish you well with your chosen nanny,she has big shoes to fill!

  11. Congrats on finding the best Nanny! Can’t believe there’s people out there with all the ‘nanny offending’ behaviours you’ve listed!

  12. Some people are so sketchy. Glad you found a good nanny!!

  13. DUDE. And OMG, just under the wire!

  14. That’s so awful it’s fabulous. I mean, you’ll be telling THIS story forever.

  15. Unbelievable.

    Happy to hear that despite all the other quacks out there, you were able to find one you like. Hope the transition goes smoothly.

  16. I love to see when paranoia pays off. Congrats on intuition and careful suspicion.

  17. Congrats on the Nanny find!

  18. Um… ew. Just ew. Who ARE these people?

  19. Oh my lord! That’s insane, and appalling. Congrats on finding a good nanny, though!

    In light of the bad one’s flaws, though (and there are clearly many), maybe consider posting her on isawyournanny.blogspot.com? Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like, and it is kind of crazy, but you may spare some nearby mom who lacks you instincts, and mad detective skillz :)

  20. And she actually wanted to be a nanny??!?

    I’m glad you found a great one in the end :) Congrats

  21. yaayyy.. I’m so glad that you have found someone that you are happy with.

  22. DUDE! What is the matter with people?

    And your instincts are the shit. Good detective work!

  23. Congrats on the Nanny! Hope it all works out for you.

  24. Those are good tips ;) Really, whouldn’t you think people would know better? Glad you found someone who was much brighter than the example above.

  25. Excellent sleuthing, and hooray for finding someone who is not any of these things! (And please, please tell me that you told her all this stuff — that she knows just how busted she is.)

  26. good god! no wonder you were so good at that on line detective game. ;) my supervisor at my new job checked out candidates on my space. she weeded out some anarchists. ha. that’s good thinking whoorl. you’re one smart cookie. anders is so lucky!

  27. umm…EW.

    truly disturbing.

  28. Was this all from the same person? Good lord!

    Congrats on finding a nanny, though. That must have been nerve-racking!

  29. Was this all from the same person? Good lord!

    Congrats on finding a nanny, though. That must have been nerve-racking!

  30. Rock on!

  31. GAH, I am so glad you found someone, because Holy Mother of Moses, that list was gruesome. And, I’m imagining it was offenses committed by ONE PERSON. Yes?

  32. i am so glad you found someone to take care of him. and your first day back went well!

  33. eeek! that is some low-down dirty shit she tried to pull (the bad nanny, that is).

  34. undercover celebrity says:

    that is simultaneously HILARIOUS and TERRIFYING!

    congrats!

  35. Well done, Whoorl…not an easy time for you emotionally, I’m sure, But I’ll bet having this great gal with your boy made your leave-taking a little easier this morning. Good luck with it all.

  36. I’m not sure why I (and my Pinot) have not received your nanny-hiring call. I am still at home waiting . . .

    (Your mega hotpot recipe is on its way, btw . . .)