Drafty
Written by whoorl · Filed Under strange, indeedy
In an attempt to ready myself for my trip to Mexico, I visited my lovely local bikini waxer yesterday. I figured it was time to get things in order down there and as I told my mother yesterday, “She has her work cut out for her”. Darren, are you feelin’ my pain on this topic as well? Let’s just say I haven’t paid much attention to my nether regions since the baby was born. I guess I’ve been preoccupied with diaper changes, nursing, and oh you know, having the sole responsibility of keeping a tiny defenseless human ALIVE. No biggie.
I don’t know if you all are aware of the differing bikini waxing techniques that take place in southern California. Around this country, there normally exists the “regular” bikini wax and the “brazilian” bikini wax. A regular bikini wax keeps things neat and tidy down there. Let’s call it the “Carol Brady” of bikini waxes. A little off the sides and you’re on your way.
As most know, the “brazilian” involves lots of waxing and wincing, leg contortions and generally results in an audition for a porno. I tend to shy away from this procedure due to my pain threshold and inability to be a true masochist.
But here’s the tricky part. Around here, it seems a “regular” bikini wax involves all things brazilian, and a “brazilian” involves pubic baldness. Not much of a choice, yo.
My personal waxer was very easy on me during the pregnancy due to the fact that the pain was similar to having my toenails ripped out one by one. Plus, the bruising. Let’s not go there. People, I got used to this sweet and gentle method. It was lovely and Carol Brady would be proud. Although, maybe Carol Brady rocked the full bush- it was the Seventies. The questions…
Anyhoo, Neat and tidy. Neat and tidy.
I guess I assumed this method would continue during our lovely partnership from the pregnancy forward.
I guess I was wrong.
Considering I hadn’t seen her since the birth, I wasn’t really paying attention to her sweet-and-gentle-”regular”-Carol-Brady waxing methods. I was jabbering away about the PITOCIN! (lifting left leg) 24 HOURS OF LABOR! (lifting right leg) PELVIS TOO SMALL! (lifting both legs to my ears) PUSHING FOR OVER 2 HOURS! (ouch) VACUUM ASSISTANCE! (should that very specific area be throbbing?) THE NICU! (I am now officially scared) THE DRAMA!
Let’s just say it sure is drafty down there. But hey! I’m now ready for Mexican porn!
jonniker
November 2nd, 2006 9:24 amBrazilian waxes are about the most traumatic thing in the universe. But oh! The DESCRIPTION YOU PUT FORTH. Yes, this is how it is.
CAROL BRADY. BAH.
nabbalicious
November 2nd, 2006 9:41 amAfter I hurt my knee, I didn’t get waxes from July until a few weeks ago, and it was like the first time all over again. YEEEOW.
The first time I ever went, I knew I was in big trouble when my waxer told me to “take a deep breath” just before she ripped it off. (I go for the porny look because it feels nice. I mean, afterward. Definitely not during. Um, tmi?).
But I actually find that if I keep up with it, it doesn’t hurt as much after awhile. Now it only feels like I’m jamming pencil lead up my fingernails, as opposed to ripping them straight out.
Leanna
November 2nd, 2006 9:55 amI have never posted a comment on your site but I have to tell you I look forward to your posts. You are quite entertaining. Seems you are somewhat of a “blogger celebrity” as you are linked on most of my friends sites. Thanks for keeping me laughing!
Beautiful family btw.
Jessie
November 2nd, 2006 9:59 amYou want an embarrassing confession? One time I tried to do the “Carol Brady” wax to myself, and, well, you could say it didn’t go well at all. I pulled the strip out instead of parallel to my body and ended up with the same amount of hair and an incredibly ugly bruise. Thankfully I was young enough to get away with being that stupid. Next waxing will be done by a professional, if I’m ever that brave.
BeachMama
November 2nd, 2006 10:09 amYou are one brave woman!! I wax my legs all the time, had actually never shaved them until a few years ago (I finally got lazy). The one time I tried a bikini wax, the bruise was so bad, I never even entertained the idea again.
Here’s a question for you, when it grows back in is it itchy like shaving or does it come in smoother, like waxing the legs?
kimmer
November 2nd, 2006 10:23 amYeah, I signed myself up for the brazilian exactly one week before my scheduled c-section as I knew how hard it would be to make it in after sweet J was born. Try pulling your knees to your ears at 38 weeks. We do have some real waxing talent here in Larry, K. If you ever find yourself in need, I can direct you to a pro.
whoorl
November 2nd, 2006 10:43 amBeachMama-
NO itching is involved as the hair grows back in. It really is worth the pain! Shaving gave me the most horrible, itchy razor burn every time, but not since I started the mexican porn waxes. ;)
cocodrie
November 2nd, 2006 12:20 pmCarol Brady…definitely the 70s. Need we say more?
Also, it’s doubtful mexico porn will ever be the same. Can’t wait to hear stories and see pics of your adventure.
Natalie
November 2nd, 2006 12:50 pmtotally off topic…I see Anders has found his hands and the mouth he can put them in! Every…picture…hands….in the mouth… :)
Donovan
November 2nd, 2006 1:01 pmI think I’m just going to leave this one alone.
Emily
November 2nd, 2006 1:06 pmmy very first wax EVER was a Brazilian and because I was wearing a skirt, I only took my underwear off. Except that I left my knee-high boots on as well and during an interesting pose I clonked the waxer in the head with my heel.
HORRIBLY AWKWARD MOMENT FOR A FIRST-TIMER.
Amanda
November 2nd, 2006 1:48 pm“rocking the full bush”…that made me laugh!
Heather
November 2nd, 2006 1:51 pmWell when you are auditioning for the Mexican porn be sure there are no farm animals involved.
Lyndsay
November 2nd, 2006 2:23 pmWell, your last blog was titled “Maybe I need some fresh air.” I just assumed you meant in your lungs, not down below.
Vicki
November 2nd, 2006 4:05 pmYou = Funny!
rebecca
November 2nd, 2006 4:19 pmFeeling guilty about lack of waxing. Gahhhhhh
don't call me ma'am
November 2nd, 2006 6:41 pmOW.
Rachel
November 2nd, 2006 7:00 pmI second that OW. I had my eyebrows waxed exactly twice and that was enough pain for me. I don’t think I’m going to let anyone go downtown with the wax anytime soon. Fortunately, I’ve got the husband trained to not mind the hairy legs, armpits, et al. If he even thinks about maybe perhaps mentioning that I should think about maybe doing some hair removal, I gently remind him that it’s a good day when I put on socks that match. Ha.
Sarcomical
November 2nd, 2006 7:27 pmnever had one, NEVER WILL.
especially after that. oh boy.
Obabe
November 3rd, 2006 6:27 amThis summer I took the plunge and went Brazilian - the funniest thing the waxer said to me, when I told her I was married, is “oooh. Husband like, like a lot.”
And, he did.
Jessica
November 3rd, 2006 7:27 amHaven’t tried the full brazilian. I get trimmed up, then take care of the rest myself so I don’t have the full bush. I am scared to do the full b, but someday, with enough cocktails (heh. COCKtails and bush) I might get up the courage.
Jessica
November 3rd, 2006 7:30 amFunny story too… one of my husband’s good friends met this girl at a bar, went back to her place, and was fooling around. Things progressed and they were both almost naked. So he is down *there* and he takes off her undies and the guy said this whole bush came flying out at him, with NO warning. He couldn’t go through with the um, activities he was about to partake in, so instead faked he was getting sick and LEFT.
I mean, it is 2006! WHO HAS A FULL BUSH ANYMORE?
ms. sizzle
November 3rd, 2006 8:11 amwhat’s that i hear?
oh yes, the sound of mexican porn music. :)
Darren
November 3rd, 2006 11:23 amOh, don’t even get me started on waxing! I feel ya, sister. I feel ya.
Audrey
November 3rd, 2006 2:37 pmMy waxer cancelled my last appointment and I’m dreading rescheduling b/c of the “build-up” and the extra pregnancy sensitivity right now…maybe I’ll go Carol Brady instead of Mexican Porn for the next few months and start fresh after Baby comes.