Parenting Confessional

50

1. I still wear my special sexpot lipstick combination (NARS Dolce Vita and Chanel Pagoda Glossimer) when I visit the hot pediatrician.

2. I’ve completely stopped trying to feed Wito vegetables and I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty.

3. I only live 20 minutes away, but I still haven’t taken Wito to Disneyland. (A colossal SoCal parent no-no. Quelle horreur!)

4. The Backyardigans is on my television WAY too much. (Proof.)

5. If I go on one more preschool tour, I’m going to vomit.

I already feel better. Feel free to add your personal confession and you will be absolved completely. Peace be with you.



COMMENTS (50)

Comments

  1. So I really really hate my ex husband and I keep hoping he dies. Or he would just figure out he’s a shitty father and let my fiancee adopt my daughter.
    And I guess what I should hope for is that he’d grow up and become a stellar father but really I just want him to die a miserable death.
    Am I absolved?

    Ariel’s last blog post..I may have had a small glass of wine with lunch but that’s not why this is so FUNNY! (Or I LOVE JENNY THE BLOGGESS!)

  2. Those Quorn vegetarian nuggets count as vegetables, right?
    Ahh, absolution.

    natalie’s last blog post..Summer Bob

  3. I am reading your blog right now when I should be playing with my kids.

    I let the baby eat cheerios off the floor, but only if they were from today, or yesterday. I carbon date my cheerios, yo!

    Since I’m dieting my kids have been eating hot dogs, pizza, and mac-n-cheese while I eat grilled chicken and vegetables. To be honest I offer to share but they refuse.

  4. Wow, my confession is a little lighter than Ariel’s:
    1. I actually love the Backyardigans, Imagination Movers and most of all Shaun the Sheep.
    2. I’ve been known to listen to the above CD’s and “All About John Deere” while driving…without kids present.
    3. I think my kids are the smartest ever! What 2yo knows the difference between a pentagon, hexagon and octogon? MINE, that’s who! What 5yo knows the difference between gas and diesel engines and how each excels at different jobs? Yup, MINE AGAIN!

    Ahhhh. I feel better already. Thanks whoorl.

  5. 1. I spend way too much time on the computer while my child ‘plays’ on the floor and mommy yells encouragement from the couch.

    2. Sometimes I just suck on the binky when it drops on the floor before giving it back to the baby instead of rinsing it out or finding a new one.

    3. As much as I swear I’m going to sleep train the baby, I secretly love the middle of the night snuggle, and so I make an excuse about why ‘he’s not ready yet…’

    Andrea’s last blog post..Grace in Small Things

  6. I relish in the fact that my 3yo goes into the fridge, and brings me the milk and an empty cup on saturday mornings, instead of making me get out of bed. He even brings the milk back to the fridge. It’s truly blissful.

    Stacy’s last blog post..Three Tid Bits

  7. 1. I have the same confession about no vegetables… it is a lot less frustrating not to care anymore.

    2. My kids drink way too much juice and not enough milk.

    3. I almost always have a kid song (Justin Roberts or Imagination Movers) stuck in my head. Never a song that I actually want to listen to myself.

    4. Some days the kids and I stay in our jammies all day… and we like it!

    Mimi’s last blog post..My Half Eff-It List

  8. Catherine says:

    1. I don’t feed my 2 year old veggies either. I try, and sometimes he eats them, but he is good about eating fruit, so I don’t feel so guilty.
    2. Our show that’s on too much is Yo Gabba Gabba. I’ll turn it on just so I can read blogs, or play games.
    3. I’m too lazy to take my son outside to play. I HATE sitting outside, even though he loves it. Talk about guilt. Absolve me please?

  9. Sounds about right to me!

    hi kooky’s last blog post..Birds and boys and worms

  10. When the dudes wake up too early for my liking I tell them to go downstairs and turn on the TV so I can sleep longer.

    And I gave up on veggies long ago…

  11. This is my first visit to new and improved! Whoorl! I likes it!

    I am not a parent, but my confession? I took all the dirty dishes out of my sink and put them in plastic shopping bags (four of them!) and brought them over to my condo because it has a dishwasher and I’ll be damned if I’m handwashing a dish now that there is a working dishwasher that I own in a 20 mile vicinity.

    Kristabella’s last blog post..Is It Called Sudafed Because Someone With A Stuffy Nose Tried To Say Stuffy Head?

  12. I keep lollipops in my purse and I’m not afraid to use them. It’s the only thing that gets me through Target.

    We have annual passes to Disneyland and I actually don’t really love going. My husband occasionally takes him on Sunday mornings and I LIVE for the three hours of quiet. (However, if you do go, I would like to suggest California adventure. It’s quieter, calmer, and they have splash park that keeps them entertained for a very, very long time.

  13. Amy - BiteTheRabbit says:

    Oh, feeling much better about the lack of veggies consumed by my 2.5 yr son.

    Confession:

    I spend way too much time on the computer while my kids watch TV (including my 4 month old) – yikes!

    Amy – BiteTheRabbit’s last blog post..Potty Training and Other Unrelated Items

  14. Rebecca (Bearca) says:

    I secretly like Yo Gabba Gabba.

    Rebecca (Bearca)’s last blog post..

  15. I really should spend more time on my stomach facing my son to encourage tummy time… but damn, Tickle Me Elmo does a much better job at keeping him entertained than I do! Plus, TME has more tolerance for hoursspent on our hardwood floors than I do.

    I say skip Dland until after the summer rush. Nothing worse than a toddler melt down in 95* heat while surrounded by thousands of non-English speaking tourists all jostling for a spot at the Tiki Room. The beauty of being a SoCal dweller is being able to go to Dland in the middle of the week in October and just walking into any attraction that you want — no wait required. Just sayin’.

  16. I let Annalie watch TV pretty much whenever she wants. Luckily, she isn’t a sit-in-front-of-the-TV-24/7 kind of kid, but even if she were I don’t know if I’d be doing much to change it. I’m too lazy.

    Also, she eats cookies and candy all the time. She eats veggies and fruit too, but I rarely limit her sugar intake.

  17. i’d add my own but i’m right there with you on #s 2 and 4, so i’ll just go with those ;-)

    joslyn’s last blog post..The New Dress Three Ways…

  18. My parenting confessional is that I’m 50% sure that I never want to have kids so I don’t have to give up fancy things like new cars and tropical vacations and pedicures.
    Don’t tell my mom.

    hillary’s last blog post..Gotta See My Rock’n’Roll Doctor

  19. 1. I’m not very good at reminding the kids to brush their teeth. I had good teeth – isn’t it genetic?

    2. My kids exist on a diet of chicken nuggets and coco puffs.

    3. I hate The Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Caillou.

  20. I work full time and sometimes I take a day off but still take the kids to daycare because I just need some “me” time.

    I let my 2 year old take a bottle of warm milk to bed until about 2 months ago.

    I don’t enforce teeth brushing on a daily basis. I just don’t have the energy…

    Jenn’s last blog post..On Having Three, Part 2

  21. Oh man. If you’d have asked this when my daughter was 2 or 3? My confessions would be approximately 8 pages long.

    Here’s one from that era: I once put her in her bedroom and stood on the other side of the door, holding it shut, just praying that she would just. pass. out. from shear exhaustion because I was so DONE parenting that day. All I wanted was a glass of wine and a magazine and a few minutes to myself.

    Also? My 8yo does not even KNOW of Disnyland’s existance. Thank the sweet baby jesus that she’s not the kind of kid who would want to go there any way.

    kate’s last blog post..::almost sort of practically not quite famous::

  22. I love to read and used to daydream about wiling away the hours snuggled up with my wee one, reading aloud. And, sure enough, my two-year-old adores books. But by the end of the day I am so damn tired of reading to him that I try to talk him out of reading and into watching television. Sometimes I bribe him with cookies.

    Blythe’s last blog post..The Happiest Place on Earth

  23. Theo is 14 months old and is being weaned off his nap bottles. But I never increased the flow like I was supposed to and he still has his newborn nipples ONLY because it takes him so long to suck down a bottle so he passes out.

    He’s also eaten cat food. Um, twice.

    samantha jo campen’s last blog post..Sunnyside up

  24. I haven’t cleaned my room since March — it’s finals, yo! But I can’t find one of my shoes.

    Deidre’s last blog post..Living a gluten free vegetarian life…Well, I call it living…Others don’t.

  25. I use “Pulp Fiction” as a parenting tool.

    If they are about to freak out I say “What is Fonzie like, Yolanda?”

    and they have to answer

    “He’s cool.”

    Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah’s last blog post..Does Gang Rape Make YOU Want to Buy Shoes?

  26. Sometimes, I want to keep the good snacks for myself, and therefore tell Alex they’re spicy, so he won’t want them. Hands off mama’s cheese puffs, son.

    metalia’s last blog post..I swear, the "punch" segue is entirely coincidental.

  27. tera Stephens says:

    how bout this one…
    i lie about my work schedule and spend all extra time doing whatever the hell i want to do instead of going home to the chaos of 3 yes that’s 3 children. no one is the wiser and it keeps me sane!! im just fine with it!!
    ps- wine is available at california adventure and hudson and i would be happy to join you anytime you would like.
    pps or is it pss- hold off for as long as you can. it brings so much joy to the under 4 foot crowd but really sucks ass!!!

  28. Same for me on the veggies. Last time he willingly ate vegetables was Feb ’08. I abhor prepping food, only to throw it away, so it’s rare that I even attempt to get him to try them. Wait … do green bean fries at TGIFriday’s count?

    Kelly’s last blog post..What’s in a date?

  29. While watching Blue’s Clues with E, I sometimes wonder if Steve and Joe ever had a hard time getting any play.

    Korinna’s last blog post..Swap o’ rama

  30. Ditto on #2. I read somewhere the fruits and veggies have the same vitamins/nutrients… so I just feed my kidlets copious amounts of fruit. No guilt!

    Katia / Crazy for trying’s last blog post..hi Disney — get a proofreader

  31. mtnmama says:

    DRAGON TALES. while eating dinner. sometimes.

    call CPS!!

    happy weekend everyone!

  32. I take my kids to the gym with me every day for almost two hours, they are in the Kid Zone. I teach for one hour, talk with friends for one hour…come home, feed them and put them down for a nap for 2 hours. So for 4 hours of an 8 hour day, this stay at home mom doesnt even see her kids.

    Then I tell hubby I had a crappy day and he gives them baths.

    The almost two your olds first word was Dora. Dora. effin DORA. His first word was Dora.

    terrible.

  33. Hannah Montana is growing on me.

    I let my daughter eat Skittles off the floor at Old Navy so I could browse just a few seconds longer.

    Sometimes I get tired of sharing every single thing that I eat and drink with my kids. So now, I always tell them I am drinking wine. They know they can’t have that and I know I am going to enjoy a back wash-free beverage. WIN!

    glamgranola’s last blog post..Purple, Violet, Lavender

  34. I just have to say that these are some of the funniest comments I have ever read. Maybe we need to make this a weekly thing…CARRY ON!

  35. Sarah, I agree! Weekly or every-other. It feels good to purge.

    Remember last year when Alice (finslippy) asked people to share their worst-ever parenting stories? Oh my god…so, SO funny. I’ve printed that post out and shared it with all my parent friends. It’s nice to know you’re not the only one who screws up. :)

    Here is the link. Any time you need a laugh, read these.

    http://www.finslippy.com/finslippy/2008/01/we-are-all-winn.html

    Even now, thinking about “Quit your whining” and “That’ll Learn Him”, make me cry with laughter.

    kate’s last blog post..::almost sort of practically not quite famous::

  36. My kids have never been to a Chuck E Cheese nor will they ever, so help me god, because I love them THAT MUCH. (Also, it’s against my religion to eat at any restaurant that has a huge rat running around it.)

    Undomestic Diva’s last blog post..Mother’s Day Giveaway

  37. I also have given up on veggies for my kid. Whatever dude. NOT worth the battle.

    Jen’s last blog post..bloggie road trip

  38. Kimberlee says:

    To get my five year old constipated daughter to drink her Miralax, I call it a “cocktail”.

    I have taken the girls to the library and let them play on the computers so that I can find books for myself.

    When my husband comes home and I need to be alone. I take a bath and put earplugs in my ears so that I can’t hear him or the kids.

  39. I have two:

    The kids bathtub is nasty. As are the toys. They have a yucky film on them. But I keep using it and saying I’ll clean it tomorrow.

    If Maddie askes for snacks at 5pm I tell her she has to wait for dinner, then I run in the kitchen and gobble a cookie while she’s not looking.

    Awe, that’s terrible. I’m a bad mom…

  40. So…my next door neighbor happens to the attorney general of the state in which I live. They have four children. My daughter REFERS to the children as the “backyardigans” and often asks where the “backyardigans” are. Her idea of a balanced meal is more than one kind of chip. Different colors are the key: baked cheetos, pretzel sticks, potato chips and goldfish are a favorite combo. It’s kind of like trail mix. Right?

    kimmer’s last blog post..The perfect amount of time….

  41. Oh, I so totally understand your crush. Unfortunately mine is on MY doctor. There aren’t many pleasant, wonderful reasons why I can visit this doctor. Sometimes I want to book an appointment because I’m suffering from a case of fabulous hair…or is there a reason why I’ve lost a few pounds—see doesn’t my butt look great in these jeans?

    Sigh….

  42. 1. I wasn’t so upset when Maddie woke up in the middle of the night, because I craved to hold her & put her in bed with us (she’s 2. I was upset that she woke up at 6:30 and was ready to jump & play while I could barely open my eyes.
    2. I rarely, if ever, offer her veggies & like you, don’t feel guilty about it any longer.
    3. Cartoons play more in my house than they should and sadly, I watch with her, especially if they’re new. Oh and I’m actually disappointed that she’s not a huge Handy Manny or Backyardigans fan because those are my favorites. Is it sad that I’m 30 & have favorite toddler cartoons?

  43. I am also really bad about offering vegetables at meal times. It’s also bad that my son is pretty familiar with drive-thru meals. He says, “more, more” when we pull up to the little window…he knows when he’s about to get some french fries, baby!

    Sam’s last blog post..more love than my heart can hold

  44. I live 45 minutes from Walt Disney World (and can see the nightly fireworks from my backyard) and I can count on one hand how many times we have visited there as a family.

    And no, I don’t own annual passes. For as much as they cost, we’d be there EVERY DAY, dammit!

    Don’t sweat the small stuff :)

    Shash’s last blog post..Today I Am..

  45. i let my daughter (age 4) watch waaaaay too much TV. and then i wonder how she could possibly know things like “high-speed internet” or quotes from “family guy”. (yes, we have let her watch “family guy”. horrible.)

    i have a total crush on handy manny, because i picture wilmer valderama. mmmm.

    i’m terrible about feeding her veggies, but she actually does love fruit. HOWEVER. i push her to want grapes rather than oranges…because they’re easier, obviously.

    my husband and i don’t censor our potty-mouths nearly enough around her. we have been beyond lucky that she hasn’t told her teacher/classmates to “suck it” or that she hasn’t screamed “FUUUUUUUCK” when she stubs her toe.

    oh, and i am surfing the ‘net (and listing bad parenting habits on your blog) as she is upstairs doing god-knows-what. i can hear her in the kitchen moving chairs around, which usually means sneaking candy from the dish high in the cupboard. aaaaaand here i am, still typing.

  46. The last time I baby sat, I gave the 8 y/o boy french fries for lunch and french fries for dinner.

  47. LOOL.. Man I have been gone way too long. Thank you for that.

    1- SoCal mom here too – no Disneyland yet, and no plans to go until he knows EXACTLY what Disneyland is and can appreciate the value of the ticket price :p (And then pay me back by doing chores around the house)

    2- I let my son eat a chocolate muffin for breakfast the other day and felt nothing but absolute joy as I watched him get high. (on sugar) and try to feed chocolate muffin pieces to the poor innocent birds pecking for food off the sidewalk

    3- I sometimes secretly think that it’s absolutely adorable when my son does things I consider annoying from other kids, so I don’t always make him sit down at Soup Plantation when he turns around to face then proceeds to interrupt and chat up the poor childless couple sitting in the booth behind us. More time for me to enjoy my salad. And soup.

  48. Grammar Snog says:

    I don’t understand why when asked to get turkey for sandwiches my husband brings home some $4/pound turkey gelatinized loafy sort of something. It’s NOT turkey and it’s awful and it irritates me far more than it should.

    Feel so much better!!!

  49. These are great. Seriously, I could read them all day long. Here’s some of my favorite mama secrets.
    1. I have a secret stash of chocolate (no secret to anyone really, but everyone knows it’s mine). I do not share and Jack knows that it’s “mommy’s medicine”.
    2. We have made a rule that Jack isn’t allowed to get up before 7am. So when he does, we tell him it’s not time to get up yet and we won’t take down the gate (yeah, we have to gate him in his room… otherwise he sneaks downstairs at night and turns the computer on). It works for naps too.
    3. Sometimes we have ice cream for dinner because that’s what I feel like eating.
    4. I have a favorite child.
    5. I have been known to bring the kids into bed with me, turn the TV on and go back to sleep.

  50. Bumbling says:

    Sarah, you should pick up a copy of “Mother on Fire’ by Sandra Tsing Loh. It’s all about a California mom’s quest to find the perfect preschool for her daughter. A great read.

    Bumbling’s last blog post..Conversations