I’ve learned during the trials and tribulations of being knocked up.*
1. People are generally way nicer to you. It took me a while longer than most to experience this rule firsthand due to the belly that refused to pop out for eons. But it’s here now, so please, dote on me if you wish.
2. I read somewhere that there are three times in a woman’s life when they have more “emotional difficulty” than usual- puberty, pregnancy and menopause. I couldn’t disagree more…these past 7 months have been very calming for me. Although I’ve had my moments, my anxiety levels have plummeted. Of course, this doesn’t mean that my feelings aren’t completely hurt that my husband STILL hasn’t used the Nikon D70 that I bought him for Christmas. It’s fine, honey. I’ll just go take a dip in the ocean…don’t mind these concrete blocks tied to my ankles.
3. Having a long torso is incredibly helpful when you are pregnant; however, this does not mean you should attempt trying on your size 2 business suits when you are 7 months along. Not necessary. Really.
4. Progesterone is my best friend. It is the hormone responsible for the slowing of the GI tract during pregnancy, which pisses most pregnant women off due to the whole constipation issue. However, being a woman on the complete other end of the spectrum, progesterone has made my GI tract behave normally. This means I can down half a bottle of Tapatio sauce and not end up racing to the nearest toilet like my pre-pregnancy days. I love me some Tapatio.
5. Bikini waxes hurt a trillion times more when you are pregnant.
6. What’s up with the slowing of the hair growth on my legs? Could I be dreaming? It’s a beautiful thing.
7. Naps are key. And to all the pregnant moms taking care of toddlers out there, you deserve a huge shiny trophy and a trip to the Bahamas. I don’t know how you do it ’cause this gal is TI. RED.
8. The gestational diabetes test sucks donkey balls.
9. There is no need to worry about my J. Crew addiction screeching to a halt due to lack of maternity wear. I can still buy these and these and this and this. Oh, and whoorlito, I know it will be a couple of years, but have you seen this?
10. Chocolate milk, you complete me.
*specific to my own experience, of course.