Perfect LA Day – Part Two

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First of all, thanks for the comments regarding shower attire. Trust me ladies, I would give my right ass cheek to wear jeans and a cute top to my shower. However, this particular shower is being hosted by several of my mother’s friends. In fact, not only are the hosts my mother’s friends, the only guests attending are my mother’s friends (except for a few, including my sister and Gorillabuns, which by the way, THANK YOU FOR COMING. PLEASE DO NOT EXPERIENCE A FAMILY EMERGENCY CAUSING YOU TO NOT SHOW UP BECAUSE I NEED A FRIEND, AND YOU DON’T WANT TO MAKE A PREGNANT GIRL CRY. NO PRESSURE). Anyway, long story short, I love all of the hostesses and am so grateful for what will be a lovely shower, but I think they would possibly shit themselves and drop dead if I showed up in jeans. Call it a Southern thing, I don’t know. However, I did find a very cute non-maternity skirt from J. Crew to wear. Crisis averted.

Moving along.

Cupcakes. Quite possibly the best $3.25 cupcake in the world. This particular cupcake shop recently opened in Los Angeles, and another will open in Orange County this summer (attention OC manager: look out for the pregnant lady). I am hooked. Coincidentally, the owner of this darling place grew up in Oklahoma and is an acquaintance of mine from my middle school to college years.

Most of my interactions with the cupcake proprietor were limited to my eighth grade year when I dated (we were SO going together) his little brother, Dan*. My first REAL boyfriend, and yes, light petting may have been involved. I mainly remember him busting through Dan’s door, hog-tying his hands behind his back, throwing him in a sleeping bag and hanging him from the shower. Ah, such wonderful memories. I must admit that he was always very polite to me while beating the shit out of his little brother.

I never really saw the cupcake proprietor much after I had to break up with Dan when I started high school. You see, Dan was a grade younger than me and I had to move on with my life, evident in this excerpt from my eighth grade journal (which, of course, I’ve kept for comedic purposes).

I can’t believe I have to break up with Dan. I love him SO MUCH and WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE SO HARD? He is my soul mate, but I have to move on to a new phase in my life. I guess times like these are what mold us as people, but I am so devastated. Will my heart ever stop hurting? I can’t stop listening to Careless Whisper.

Hello, Susan Lucci? I’ve found your long-lost daughter.

My only other interaction with the cupcake proprietor was when he escorted me in a debutante ball during my college years and consequently stole my Frank Sinatra Greatest Hits CD. I do believe that calls for a free cupcake at some point, yes?

And, yes. YES PEOPLE, I was a debutante. A belle of the ball, you might say. Commence shuddering. Is the not-wearing-jeans-to-my-shower thing starting to make sense now?

On to my cupcake adventure last Saturday. After Caroline and I finished our shopping, we were literally drooling in her car on the way to Sprinkles. Such happy girls. We knew there would be a line, but 30-35 people waiting outside? Geez. But I was ready- what’s a little pregnancy-induced ankle swelling once in awhile? No problemo. As we were standing at the end of the line, I thought about all of you and decided to snap a quick pic of our situation for future blog purposes.

The time was passing by rather quickly, probably because we were picking apart all of the young LA actress-wanna-be’s standing around. Were they really going to eat the cupcakes? Would the aftermath include purge-attempts? My God, the FAKE fried blond hair. Really, do these girls ever take a mirror and look at the back of their hair? The orange roots! The straw-like texture! I’ll never understand. That got old after awhile, until I realized that Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman were standing a few people in front if us. See? I hadn’t noticed him before when I took the photo of the line. I’m so glad he didn’t see- I would have been mortified if he thought I was taking a picture of him. I think both Jimmy and Sarah are hilarious, but I’m not the type to snap photos.

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Oh excuse me, I must have passed out on my laptop while typing this. This never-ending entry must have lulled me to sleep.

Oh yeah, the free cupcake. After many quick jaunts back and forth to the 20-minute loading zone parking meter, we finally made it to the front of the line before you actually enter. The shop has to keep the door closed for fire-code reasons, so you’re stuck, staring at a frosted glass door wondering what in the hell is going on in there. It’s all very too-cool-for-school, but the anticipation. The Anticipation of the Cupcake! My feet were aching, my back was hurting, but I knew my time had come.

All of the sudden, an older man with a thick accent walked up to me and in a totally wussy woe-is-me voice, asked me if I wouldn’t mind letting him cut.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

At this point, I must tell you that things like this ALWAYS happen to me. The man could have asked anyone in that line, but he had to ask ME. Line-cutters must have an internal radar that specifically targets pushovers in public situations like this. I’m what you like to call a “public harmonizer”. I just want things to be copasetic; no dilemma, no drama, all smiles. So usually, I’ll agree just to appease the situation all together.

This geezer thought he had me pegged. That I was going to let him mosey on into the shop after standing in the line for well over 40 minutes. Not to mention all of the other people behind me who had been waiting patiently. No way. I looked at him and said, “I’m sorry, but if I let you cut in front of me, you would be cutting in front of the 50 people behind me, and if you are willing to ask all of them, I have no problem”. Way to suppress the public-harmonizing factor (patting my back). To which he replied, “I’m just so old, and standing in line really hurts” in this horrifically annoying whine.

Cue hungry raging pregnancy hormones.

I looked at him, pointed to my belly, and said “Sir, I’m pregnant, and trust me, standing in line for the past 45 minutes hasn’t been very comfortable for me either.” To which he replied, “Oh yes, you shouldn’t be standing for that long”. Which made NO sense considering he would have increased my waiting time by cutting in front of me. BUT HE WOULDN’T STOP! He pulled out a five-dollar bill and asked if I would at least buy him a cupcake. And then a completely non-public harmonizer thing came out of my mouth. I looked at him and said “Sure, but your buying mine too.” Hand over the cash, geezer.

He agreed, and handed me a twenty. Look at the perfectly perfect yumminess…all for free.

cupcakes.jpg

*name changed to protect the innocent of embarrasment



COMMENTS (22)

Comments

  1. so you like totally got that fiver? awesome! way to score and work a deal. :)

    seriously you wrote that in 8th grade? that slays me. i love it! you are so sally jesse raphael!

    now i want a cupcake. damn you whoorl.

    xo
    sizz

  2. That was brilliant! Way to get a free cupcake. I’ll bet Whoorlito loved it too!

  3. Great story. I can’t believe people were waiting that long to get cupcakes! People in the northern mid-west must be really lazy because I can’t imagine anyone around here doing that. The cupcakes look delicious though and I’m sure they were totally worth it.

  4. way to score free food! i have a greater love for you now!

    of course i wouldn’t miss your shower and it’s a bonus that kimmer will be there. now, i don’t have to stand in the corner with a stupid smile plastered on my face asking for my 6 mimosa while the guests whisper, “wasn’t she the one that was 8 months pregnant drinking at whoorl’s engagement party? what a lush”

    the countdown has begun and these girls are missing their aunt whoorl!

  5. Gorillabuns – now it is my turn to be the preggo drinking at the party!

  6. Whoorl, I loved this post. I have to say, one of my favorite things about reading your entries is your frequent photo annotations. So funny.

    When is that shop going to open here in OC? I just made cupcakes for my son’s first birthday and would have much rather bought them someplace yummy!

  7. Ok…first off…this place must be absolutely amazing…cupcakes? lines? what? i gotta have one and of course support fellow okies. alert me on the grand opening in OC and i am there! good story-you crack me up.

  8. Huh. Wow, you’re kind of my hero. Please tell me that pregnancy isn’t the secret to being feisty.

  9. Folks, it was a sight to see. That old man didn’t know what hit him! I was so proud of my girl. Whirlito is making her even cooler.

    Also, the non-jeans-debutante insight was astoundingly right on. No one in Los Angeles understands either, but I like it that way. We grew up in a little storybook bubble. And the drama of first love! Do you remember when we used to phone for HOURS over ohmygahitssotragicwhycan’twebetogetherwhyGodwhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Hilarious.

  10. Love your post, sounds like you two had a great day in LA. Are those the same cupcakes that appeared on Oprah??

    Good for you for standing up to a line cutter, I am such a sucker I would have let him and then complained about it later.

    I hear you about jeans at a shower, my Mom would die if I ever did that and I am not even from the South, nor was I a Debutante, just had a Grandma that never wore slacks.

  11. Thanks freakin hilarious, but ain’t no cupcake in the world worth $3.25 and an hour-long wait. I had two free cupcakes yesterday and they were just brought to my door. That’s the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it.

  12. reluctant housewife says:

    I’m impressed! Way to go!

    We need a nice cupcake shop here in Boston. You’re basically screwed unless you’re willing to eat a Cruller at Dunkin Donuts.

    You’ve made me jealous!

  13. You can be a bitch, and I love it! I think I am going to swing your shower – this will make gorillabuns feel better.

    OFF TOPIC – Tell the Bishop that the Flaming Lips had a fabulous NPR session this morning (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5339886)

  14. I’m with Amy. I’m absolutely astounded that there are lines for a cupcake bakery. That must be one helluva cupcake.

    As for me… I would have been snapping shots of Jimmy Kimmel’s ass. You are obviously way classier than I. ;-)

  15. I’m so impressed. In NYC there are a few fancy cupcake places, Magnolia being the most popular, and I used to go there all the time with a friend who was obsessed. Seriously, it killed the desire for Magnolia cupcakes for me. Anyway, I’m a total pushover and people would ALWAYS talk me into letting them cut. I only wish I had thought to offer to buy them one when inside if they’d spring for mine!!

  16. kimmer – don’t worry, i’ll place the wine in front of me and you can sip it and put it back. shhh, no one has to know…..

  17. undercover celebrity says:

    I LOVE THIS POST! Seriously, it may be my favorite of all time. At first I thought I loved it because cupcakes are one of my favorite foods, but by the end… your hard bargain with the old man. …Alls I’m sayin’ is if I didn’t love you before, I do now!

    The funniest part to me is the old guy using his age as a cutting-factor — it’s not like you were standing in line for his arthritis medicine. It’s a FREAKING cupcake… if you’re too old to stand in line, then go to Vons and buy a mix like the rest of America!

    …and, in conclusion, COMING SOON TO NEWPORT BEACH!!!!

  18. I can’t stop listening to Careless Whisper and it’s 2006. *sad*

  19. I was afraid your being funny would fluctuate – but look here, you’re coherently funny! You can picture me determinedly reading now.

  20. Those…look…scrumptious. Is that coconut I see?? Mmmmmmmm…must visit friends in L.AAAAAAAAAA

  21. What kind of cupcake is that bottome one? I’m just fascinated by the decoration on top and feel that because of this, it must be flipping tasty.

  22. it’s red velvet. absolutely divine.